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Hi,

So, title. this post was prepared back in July 2019. I just procrastinated for far too long. So, i thought, let's get it over and done with. I'm in need to delete and clean my folder.

here goes...

Hmm how should I word this so that I don't offend people? 

🤔💭

Fuck it. I'm just gonna say it.

Ariana Grande. 

First saw: Nickelodean's Victorious. No, I didn't really watch the series but the ones that I happened to watch, I came across Cat (Ari's character) and thought, she's the best character in the entire series.

I also remember seeing one of her earlier music videos, very colorful, very musical/theater like, and thought, her voice is amazing. not to mention, my friend told me she's like Mariah Carey, bird voice. My respond to that claim? yeah. she could do bird voice.

Next, I don't know. her song Problem became a meme, "I got 99 problem, and you are not one of them" or something along that line. Personally, not a fan of that song.

and then onwards, I saw the EMAs on TV, not by choice, and came across this performance.



at the time, I thought, whoa, she got lungs! and thought it was a good performance.

I actually appreciate a couple more of her songs. or I heard them on the radio, thought it was a nice song, downloaded them, but when I listened again, nyeh.. it wasn't as the hype. So, I just left it there in my iTunes library, untick.

I have a couple of favorites;

1. One Last Time. I only ever watched the music video once and thought it was nice for once she wasn't wearing a 'swimming suit'.
2. Into You. 

Of course, she is a big name out there, every other time, I will learned that she releases new songs but many of those I'm not a fan of.

Fast forward end of last year, Nov/Dec 2018 (yes, I checked my files when I downloaded them LOL), I downloaded 3 Ariana songs; Thank u next, Breathin, and No Tears Left to Cry.
Thank U, Next was once in my top 25 songs.
You can see from my May 2019 top 25 that I untick this song.
that was becoz when I tried to watch the MV, I can't. It says its not available for my region? for some reason I got super offended. 
I wanted to watch becoz she was recreating some of my fav movies, Bring It On, Mean Girls, and Legally Blonde. I thought it'd be fun to watch.

I know I was influenced by a Korean media article with how I was feeling. The artivle was about how kfans was disappointed with how Ari was treating them during her concert there. don't quote me on this, it was something about not meeting VIP ticket holders or something. How she spent time in Japan but not in Korea. don't quote me on this.

I'm aware that she was traumatized by what happened to her in Manchester. I sympathized with her. I understand how you can be prejudiced over a certain race when you had been victimized by that certain race. again, don't quote me on this, I don't know the race of that terrorist. 

So, I'm offended becoz I'm asian?

Fast Forward again, July 2019. I watched a Spill video on youtube. and it involves Ariana and Kris Wu. I know I shouldn't but this Spill video proves my points in one way. Hell yeah I'm siding with Kris. former EXO member. "naega style, aniya" LOL had to put that here.

Anyway, here's some screenshots of the comments that I can relate with.

Comments are the best in every social media platform 👍. not trying to force things onto you but if you missed it, read again the part about English Speaking people. I feel that on so many levels.

Yeah, I know, this is so petty!
but doesn't stop me from no longer supporting her. I even made a playlist where I try to knock off Thank U Next from my top 25. LOL and i did manage to Knock it off in a day. I'm that dedicated.

🤣🤣🤣

Honestly, the songs I used to listen to are still nice to listen to today. but every time I heard her voice, I got really hurt. So, I make an executive decision to not listen to them anymore.

I am in no way denying her singing ability. but sometimes, it's so much more than that when you want to support someone's singing career. to me, at least.

I mean, come on. my unvoting her doesn't make any difference. She is still a big superstar.

So, yeah. 

🤷‍♀️


Just take this post as a Chapter Filler thing.

. . .

Something Stupid

If Nicole Kidman and Robbie William said Something Stupid is by saying I Love You,

you might be in for a surprise in this story of mine.


a person said (about me), "She so stuck-up now becoz her loan just approved" as in the money I loan from the bank has been released.

This is not even a recent story. 
This was said (about me) like two three years ago. 
I only finding out now.

Of course my reaction was utter shock. Like, dumbfounded, even.

as posted on my IG,

So, I made this into a loop. Coz I found out something so stupid yesterday. Something so stupid I cant stop saying how stupid it is. 🤣 #icant

A post shared by Ajeerah Awang 🇧🇳 (@zeevengeance) on Jun 28, 2018 at 12:59pm PDT

One question, how does your mind works??

Duit dari loan atu is nothing for me to be proud of. I am currently still paying back the bank for it. Who on their right mind be proud of having a loan? (what's hutang in English?) (Google translate please) (Hutang = Debt) WHO IS HAPPY HAVING DEBTS?!

MY GOODNESS!

Point of the story:

1. she be trippin
2. No, it's not about my loan that I treated you badly
3. I just don't like you


HAHAHAHA

here's a quote I once shared on IG

Some people still need some growing up to do. sigh.

. . .

New Face

So, Instagram has a new face aka App Icon.

From this --v

To this --v

personally, I hate it.

coz old Instagram logo/icon is unique.

why mesti drg change?

Facebook, Twitter, WhatApps and  LINE all have been around long and had been thru a lot of upgrades, but masih pun drg maintain drg punya 'logo'.

Believe me, I'm not the only one who thinks so. 

for me, the old logo is awesome and they should've kept it.

. . .

Disappointment

I finally found this 'Egg' case I was once tagged on FB.

but when I finally bought and trying to wait patiently for it to be processed and shipped, the Seller decided to send me this

I was devastated.

I am not even joking.

I really wanted this case.

and the Seller had the nerve to ask me to choose another?

ARE YOU KIDDING ME?! (┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻

I browse thru their 'store' and of course, find nothing that interest me.

Now, I've made my decision (after 20 minutes) that I'm going to cancel the transaction.

or let it auto cancelled. 

muahahah!

what I don't understand is that, if it's out of stock, why is it up in the store?!
щ(ಥДಥщ)
like, why are you sooooo deceivinggggg????

I'm just gona willow in self pity now. 

. . .

a/n: this would be the third time AliExpress disappoints me. I'm gonna stick with eBay from today onwards. Goodbye, AliExpress, you suck! (╹◡╹)凸

. . .

Customer Service

I hope people understand why there's a reason 'cut off time' being implemented in operational businesses.

I hope people understand that when we closed our counter, it does not mean we spent the rest of our time afterwards sipping coffee and gossiping.

I hope people understand that we had a lot of paper works to finish before we 'hand over' for the day.

I hope people stop acting like they can do our job better than we do ("Kalau ko pandai sangat, ko plang buat!").

Mostly, 

I just want people to stop complaining. 

Like I once said in my previous post,

a banker's job isn't always about taking money from you (or in this case, taking your applications and process it), we do a lot more than just that. A. LOT. MORE.

Seriously, I want people to know this.

. . .

Keep Your Mind On You

I was approached by a colleague and he asked me why he often sees me alone? 

He even asked me if I was ok?

I gave him the (ு८ு) face.
I laughed it off of course and told him that I was ok
and the reason why he sees me alone all the time (esp during our one hour break) was because;
You see, my job, I don't just do paperwork coop up in my cubicles all day. I attend customers at the counter, on the phone often; answering customers NEVER ENDING queries, and of course on top of these, I have to do inputting (a.k.a. my version of paperwork) transactions into our systems too.
You see (yes, again), during working hours, I barely have time to think for myself. Customer comes first. Even if I had the chance to text or play with my phone during those time, it's not as satisfying as when you do it (without interruption) during your one hour break. 
In short, 
I need my fucking space.
I didn't say the F work to him though. Just, the 'I need space'.
He nodded and had that unconvinced look on his face. Like, he knew me better than I do. 
(¬_¬)
it wasn't the first time he asked me this. previously he even got the nerve assuming that I was 'heartbroken' or something.
Like, major WHAT.THE.WHAT
Just because I like being alone, doesn't mean I'm heartbroken and shit.
I just like being alone, ok? as I explained why above.
andddd
this is the example of;
never to judge a book by its cover
or
Assumption is bad, as Grissom once said
or
Mind your own business (seriously!)

a/n: maybe he was trying to flirt but way too hard man. I wasn't impress. tone it down a little bit, will ya? 
Image isn't mine.


. . .

My Shoe, My Post, Mine all the way

I've been very cautious of what I write AND post on social media.

Like, I'm taking care of everyone's feelings for them.

BUT I thought, It's my account, my social media, then it's only relevant that I post what I want.

IF you can't handle my posts (coz apparently, everything I post are meant for them), then I suggest you unfollow/delete/block/etc me from your social media accounts.

NO, I'm not threatening you because I think you wouldn't do it. Instead, I VERY MUCH APPRECIATE IT IF YOU UNFOLLOW ME. Why? because it'd be less heartache for each sides. 

I've been wondering why I have to avoid logging in into my own account just so I can avoid people's post. 

I shouldn't have done it. I should've just do what I want, when I want it.

I shouldn't have to "terasa" from others' posts. 

I shouldn't have make their post my problem.
Because it's not.
It's theirs.

I'm pretty sure people be saying the same thing (of the above) to me.

So, all I'm saying is that, my posts are mostly random; random rage, random boredom, or simply just random random. If somehow it affects you in any way, then, that's not my problem. 

like the old saying goes, IF THE SHOE FITS, WEAR IT!

. . .

Flavors

this was posted today on IG and it made my day awesome.

I love red velvet flavors but NOT black forest. 

*rolled eyes* as lame as fandom can get, that choice of fan name actually pretty creative. 
but why not cheese cake or vanilla cake for that matter? I mean, those flavors go well with red velvet, i think.

Black forest is a little, I don't know. I just don't like them. ahahah I don't know, its so well beloved around my family too. I just don't get it. but that's just me. you can love it all you want, just don't give it to me. or I'll shove it down your throat. yes, that's how much I don't like it. *evil laugh*

anyways, Red Velvet is actually pretty cool. I listened to their first mini album. there are some good songs in there. My fave is Take It Slow. Nice vocals. I think. 
they came out right after f(x) promotion of Red Light was stopped so they got a lot of hate. I resented them too, for a while. Until I realized it wasn't Red Velvet fault. I blamed it all on Sulli that brat of f(x) maknae.
I know, I don't know the real thing either but from what the media had been showing and telling us, I'm gonna stick to blaming that brat. I hope she left f(x). (I know. hating. muahahah) I saw some comments on f(x) members' IGs (they were filming Baskin Robbins commercial recently and the other four members, who each has their on IG account, posted pictures without Sulli) saying why doesn't any of them tagged Sulli's name. I almost tagged those comments and said 'because the brat wasn't there?'. I mean, why would I tagged someone who wasn't there? COME ON! 
I'm so worked up right now over this brat issues.
Like I said. I don't know what's really going on but she continued to be missing, i think imma take a hint and assumed that she isn't ever gonna be.
and I'll be ok with that. she's so overrated anyway.

OK, let's wrap this up.

Red Velvet fandom's name is Black Forest and their light stick is going to be a Fork.

gotta love creative people with their super creative mind!

a/n: sorry it turns into 'hating-brat-maknae' post instead of just about 'Red Velvet flavors'
oh wait. No, I am not so sorry hating on that brat. hahahaha

. . .

me being a girl, ranting ...

I seriously need to polish my interviewee skill.

and I think interviewer should at least do their homework too. Like, prepare your questions? 

Just my opinion
but I believe conversation comes from both sides.
You can't expect me to just talk, can you?
It's the first time we are meeting each other. 
We both are awkward.
Since I'm the interviewee, I think I am allowed to 'speak when spoken to'.
You on the other hand should at least keep the conversation going.

Seriously, I've been interviewed by this company twice and both times been like that.

I know interviews are meant to be quote serious unquote but still.

I've been to a lot of interviews and no matter how strict the nature of the interview was at least they know what they were doing and asking of me.

I know. I'm ranting. and some of you might think, "It's not the interviewer, it's you" bla bla bla but really, as disappointed as I am with myself, I still think it could've been better on their side too.

Sigh.

Not all of us is a natural in keeping a conversation going, ok? 

moving on~

a/n: One down, three to go (if the opportunity arises)

. . .

Easy Target

Apparently Minho isn't the only easy target person in the world.

I found out that I am too.

Remember my previous post several weeks ago about me being tagged by 'someone' on IG?

Well, I got tagged again.

Like, -.-

I know the tagger's is just a kid. like, attacking me over such trivial thing even!

I wanted so much to reply back but then I'll be fueling such unnecessary feud.

like, do you even understand English to begin with?

seriously all these 'fans' are just plain stupid sometimes. 

what do you even get trying to start an empty debate?

I wish there are some 'counseling' provided online for these 'trouble' souls. bless'em.

. . .

Just ...

a/n: this post contain strong words of hatred. caution if you continue to read.

this is very random and I thought about this a lot all day on Friday before I decided to really post it here.

I. Hate. Sulli. (that fakeass maknae of f(x) )
That. Brat.
She. Annoys. Me.

Not gonna post her picture here. I hate her that much.

I thought I'll accept her after memujuk diri ku yg her life, artist life, is not my business.

but after that one time she 'left' on 'hiatus' right in the 3rd week of Red Light promotion, as understanding as I tried to be, I just .. just.

Pastu everybody all welcomy for her at her Promotion for Fashion King. like, she was crying, overwhelmed by fans support. FAKE!ASS! I mean, ok I don't know what's really going on but being Artist is YOUR JOB! and YOU SHOULDN'T BRING PERSONAL MATTER TO WORK! So, if you can be 'sensitive' and cry for fans support after what happened last time with Red Light, you shouldn't have done that shit 'hiatus' in the first place. GAWD. SHE PISSED ME OFF.

and I applauded her in To The Beautiful You?!

MADNESS! 

I know I'll be over this soon but for now, I. HATE. HER.

FAKEASSBRAT

. .  .

Wait till you're a lot older

This is a random rage post.

there was a post on IG (a  Kpop confession acct) 

and I agreed to it.

then some kid decided to give some of us (who agreed to the confessor) a piece of his/her mind.

So, I got angry. I know I shouldn't be. I should've have known better and let it go or shit. but I think I'm gona post a piece of MY mind here. In my blog. 

" The thing is, I've been obsessed with a boyband before and I know it feels like 'this love is real' right now but trust me 'girls', it is not. It'll die down and you will realize just how stupid you are ..one day. when you're older. and wiser (hopefully). and you'll be too embarrass to admit your stupidity and laugh it off. Dismissively denying shit when everybody (I mean EVERYBODY) seen you being stupid. *scoff* *rolled eyes* puhlease...
Then when you realized that I was right, you'd be like 'BAHAHAHAH! SO TRUE!' "

I know what she commented back to us got nothing to do with what I just typed above but you know what I mean right? No? Ok. read below.

THE POINT IS! I'm not homophobic!  

maybe I am but that's my religious point of view and there's nothing you can do about it. 
I have guy friends who are gay but I'm not like disgusted with them. I am still very much close with them. I just don't disagree nor do i encourage them about it. I have my own beliefs. *giving you the incredulous look*

my reply to that girl was 'Thanks. To each their own, yeah?'
and she responded back by saying, 'Hmm? what?!'

-.-

I just assumed she wasn't English.
and that was when I decided to make this post.

Like the confessor said, we were just disgusted that someone would actually post a Photoshopped images like that.

Why make such a big deal out of it?

OR MAYBE this sk.jongsuk person IS gay or bi or lesbian or transgendered or anything. that's why this post and its comments offended him/her so. Defensive ya di sana atu.
No artists asked you to defend them, so just chill, ok? 
If you believe that we're in the Era, and I quote 'where a lot of people are gay or bi now so learn to deal with it', you should first learn that there are still millions other people millons different views from you. Coz, sweetheart, if you can't be open-minded about other people having different views from you, then, i think, you should just ... *whispers* stay out of the debate club. 
or at least, get to know where you really stand before you argue your case.

TO EACH THEIR OWN! 

I know I'm being childish posting this up but I just wana let it out of my system.

sigh. just wait till you're a lot older (and hopefully wiser too) then you will understand what my rage is all about. 

you're supposed to laugh at comments that are stupid and don't suits you! not make it personal and start an internet war or something. why waste your time like that?! Go study or something!! Jeep!

a/n: I'm an adult and I am allowed to waste my time on the net like this. 

. . .

I know I should be posting my Day 3. I do that one on the next post :D

. . .

Misleading

this had been in my 'blog post related' folder for quite sometimes.

since I'm so good at procastinating kan, when I saw it today, I decided I just post it right away.

it's a picture I took off from our local newspaper.

it says; New Story from JK Rowling.

how deceiving.

it's not even a story. it's just a a section in the Daily Prophet (a Harry Potter world's newspaper). and everybody who's anybody (yg minat/obsess kan Harry Potter ani) would know yg it's not a new story. It's just AN UPDATE of what is going on with Harry Potter's life 'right now'. 
and Pottermore (as in Potter More) is still about Harry Potter. an upgraded version of the books with far more info that was not mentioned in the book or movie. Point is, ladies and gentleman, it's still about Harry Potter.

maybe this people (who buat news article in the local paper) should 'study' more before they posted anything. and this isn't the first time they made a title that is wrong or misleading either. (one of the reason why aku malas kan baca newspaper these days but I had to coz kata Will Smith, 'You've got to know').

hahaha kadang2, aku rasa I got all heat up over trivia things like this is because this "trivia" things had been half of my life and I feel so insulted when people conveyed it wrong. #ThatsHowIRoll #LOL

a/n: Potterhead for life!

. . .

Really?

Did you ever get told off for not wanting to go to a Wedding functions?

I did.

and I often said to my mom, 'Bukannya drg kenal aku punn'.
and my mom would be all, 'pasal kamu jarang mengaga urg' and bla bla bla..

-.-

I am confident to say that among my siblings, I'm the only one yg selalu ikut functions.  but ironically, people only ever remembered my older sister and sometimes my older brother. Mcm, hellew~ masa anak mu number (ke berapa kh?) kawin, aku ganya yg mama ku bawa? nama ku Ajeerah. anak no. 3? ring any bell?

So, I don't get it.

I dun think the concept is right anyway; 'krg kamu kawin nada urg mengaga' if we inda mengaga urg kawin.

because, for example, my sister. She hardly ever go to any wedding functions in her life but during her wedding, bukan lagi panuh kem, sampai inda kan cukup bah kem/tempat duduk/makanan.

So, I think, it's not the anak yg kana count when it comes to attending wedding functions. it's actually our parents.
My mom rajin mengaga urang kawin ani. I'm pretty sure pasal atu ramai urg membalas balik during cKaka tu kawin.

therefore, can I be excuse from attending anymore weddings?

I don't like it.

esp when people started going on about 'Ko bila lagi?' -.-

Honestly, I am fine being single. why do you have to make it look bad that aku balum kawin lagi?

Don't give me bullshit about not having a topic for a conversation. there are plenty of topics to choose from. kenapa mesti 'Ko bila lagi'?

Really, one of these days, I'm gonna start that 'Kita bila lagi?' at a funeral. ahahahaha  See how they'll feel about it.

. . .

Family my foot.

I was at a family function a couple of weeks ago
and I noticed/realised a lot of things.

• their sister-in-laws were treating us like what.
• the younger cousins were doing it too.
• the cousins, of course, lagi dashyat.

People are just prone to be a blind judge.

I mean, what ever happened in the past had nothing to do with me, or you. it's our parents disputes.

So, what the hell are we doing?

Mom always drag me to 'these' cousins functions because the adults are 'all over it' (so they say). but they'd forgotten what they had done to the next generation of cousins.

I would've act neutral if they would. but everytime I set my mind to be neutral, smiling and greet people politely, they always ended up like a fucktard bitch. EVEN the men/guys/boys.

LIKE SERIOUSLY WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!

and my mom wondered why I never wanted to go?

Mom knew of course, or knew just a little and often telling me off when I got mad. she said, 'tani jangan tah ikut2an bejahat. Mun inda, sama tah tani jua macam drg tu'.
*rolled eyes*
Tau plang ku. ganya, I'm still just human and a human can only stand to a certain limit.

and My way of not bad mouthing them is TO NOT see them. EVER.
the less I see the lot of them , the better I feel. the less I 'mengumpat'. the less I 'sakit hati'.

I know they're not all like that. they are VERY nice people too. just not much.

and it's just THAT side of that family. always.

I don't know what their problem is.

all I'm asking is, just, GET OVER YOURSELVES. THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU. 

. . .

the world is not split into good people and Death Eaters - Sirius Black.

Negativity

I've been feeling kinda, wronged, this past few days.

a certain junior is pissing me off.

a senior colleague who just, I don't know.

It's one of those 'pak yoh' moments.

I don't like the way I'm feeling right now.

I know I should bersabar but I'm only human. 

Tahap kesabaran ku inda smpi kemana. 

Klu ku kn marah, marah ku jua.
 
Banci, banci tah. I don't care. I didn't expect everyone to like me anyway.

I wish I could be like, being able to tagur without ended up beklaie. 

Coz certainly these two, jenis yg mesti di tagur baru tah paham. mun inda, babal, smpi bila2 pun cematu jua perangai nya.

How come aku rasa I'm the only one yg selalu had to learn things the hard way?

why can't it happen to them too? I mean, we basically (work wise) went through the same ordeal, did we not? 

or maybe time aku, memang ada yg berani menagur atu (smpi ku nangis2 lah jua), yatah membaginya.

sigh. 

ngaleh ku bernegative ani.

singan sini th sja.

. . .

You think..

You think I don't care kh?
You think when I said, 'I don't give a fcuk' aku banar2 don't give a fcuk kh?

INDA AH!

aku ani manusia yg akan sentiasa memikirkn smua yg terjadi ddunia ani.

GANYA

yg aku sasak,

AKU SAJA WAH YANG MEMIKIRKAN.

SANGAL KU YOH!

inda ko paham kh when I said, 'ngaleh ku'.

Ngaleh ku sudah memikirkn smua ani.

Ngaleh.

SUDAH TAH.

BERAKAL2 TAH.

. . .

I never asked

You've got opinions, man
We're all entitled to 'em
But I never asked

So let me thank you for time
And try to not waste any more of mine
Get out of here fast

Who cares if you disagree
You are not me
Who made you king of anything
So you dare tell me who to be
Who died
And made you king of anything

Sara Bareilles - King of Anything.

have a listen here:



. . .

Trust

took years to build

and only seconds to lose.

atu yg klu memang betaun2 dah dbuild, imagine yg staun jagung pun alum sampai?

hilang kepercayaan ku arah mu bui...never again..

and now everytime you talk, I have doubts.

sigh.

I feel like I want to turn back time and undo EVERYTHING about it but there's nothing that I can do and only have myself to blame.

I guess my sister was right, "pengalaman mengajar"

apa jua lagi yg patut ku buat kn? bersabar and learned from it.


. . .

these past few days

you know, I know this is just temporary

but I'm gona post it anyway.

them people annoyed the hell outta me.

So, i've been saying this alot.





like,

A LOT.

I think memang patut lah aku rasa cemani mun cematu cara durang.



. . .