Tries walking for health again

Recap 2025 number 12.

Keyword here is 'Trying'

I went with cFaizah di blakang empire. It was a good walk. but this happened sebulan or maybe two weeks before puasa; we went on dua Sundays kali, if not Saturdays. and then, ovvy, time puasa teberanti.

and have never gone walking again after that. 😂😂

So mungkin these photos will motivate me to start again soon.

1. first week

2. 2nd and final week LOL

I did already plan (as of composing this post 18 Apr) on starting my walk for health by next week 20th Apr. but only if my health permits. so restarting this recap posts and actually having to post these pictures macam a sign for me to start again. So hopefully lah ahh...

October is here

hi lovely people!

if you think that this post was made in a rush, it was.

LOL.

I was being lazy and I thought, lets do another scrapbook style theme. since aku banyak paper lawa. I'm not saying doing scrapbook style is lazy, I'm just saying I am lazy.

Here it is:

I didn't even manage to do my Data Tracker yet. LOL literally done these two last night.

I tried to video my progress but I stopped half way coz my camera batt died, and ended up just finishing the deco without filming. Maybe I'll just continue filming my Data Tracker.

Sebenarnya, I wanted to do different theme, yg macam potion2. since, for some reason, October ani kana associate with witches. 

Example:

Pretty kan?

I should have pursue them but I was lazy and still am lazy. I just want an easy way out.

TAPI

seeing as this book / journal I am using is almost finish, maybe I'll redo the theme in the new one. maybe. no pressure tho.

😬

into the final quarter of 2020, how are we feeling thus far?

. . .

2 weeks of sad, and my July Bujo Theme

Hi.

First of all, I am tired.

Second of all, there's nothing I can do about it.

Which then leads me to being super upset. I couldn't even push myself to do anything else but willow in self pity. I couldn't open my journal to write down my feelings. I didn't even start my Bujo July Theme until 15th July! Imagine!

So, here's what's that look like:

I forgot who's July Theme inspired me to do mine but it wasn't AmandaRachLee. hmmm..let me just *check my History on youtube* Ok, it was from annika's leaf.

It was simple and I thought I could use a change; from drawing/coloring myself to using craft papers.

which I happened to have a lot of. 

(these two are the only one I have at the moment)

After I finished that I thought I'd be happy or temporarily so but I wasn't. 

My heart was still heavy and my eyes burned. 

to simply put, I am not happy. Not at all. Yeah I laugh out loud but only becoz I can't be upset in front of people. 

No one cares. 

No one listens.

It's not their problem.

It's mine.

and I'm ashamed to admit but my brain, it went dark. it still is. 

I'm aware of it going dark. I remind myself to not be. but it continues. 

I know people's gonna say "You're overreacting" "You're being dramatic" "it's all in your head" and I'm telling you, I am aware. I'm aware that maybe I am overreacting. Maybe I am being dramatic. Yes, it's all in my head. 

but explain this:

I was listening to EXO -  Power, the supposedly uplifting song in Kpop and one of my favorite song as well but why the hell was I thinking about is jumping of a bridge?

tell me what was that all about?

I imagine a better future, I can see them but at the same time, I'm not going anywhere. I'm stuck here. in this body. in this shell of a body. and I am not happy.

I. am. not. happy.

I. am. not.

Tell me where I can find help.

. . .

My Sassy Girl

Hello happy people

I know, gone again this girl.

hahahaha

ah well..here I am :P

Last night, I started something new as I'm trying to reset myself as previously wished.

and I came up with this To Do List I need to follow every night after work.

I start with something small saja lah. at least 3 task to achieve per night. I don't want to feel overwhelm.

The task includes; laundry, cooking, eating, reading, write down stuff, type stuff up, etc.

Tonight's task is: 

• 1. Jot down plots for story (Checked), 
• 2. Finish reading a chapter in More Than This (read 7 chapters! CHECKED)
• 3. Update blog (currently doing. will 'checked' when this is posted).

I also started watching My Sassy Girl, the Korean Historical Drama version.

I forgot I actually have that in my hard disk. LOL

Currently on Episode 17.

what's nice about this drama is that each episode is only 30 mins long. meaning, its easier to stop myself from continuing to watch after finishing an episode.

another thing that's awesome about this is becoz, I recognize (by face, not name) many actors/actresses; the main character guy is from The Good Doctor, the main character lady is that final Queen in Dong Yi, the King is from The Horse Doctor, the main character's mom is from The Moon Embraces the Sun.
to name a few.

LOL

seriously, I suck at trying to remember their names. all I know is I've seen them somewhere either in real time drama or historical drama. wawawa *shrug*

anyway,

that is all the update I have for you in this post.

pray that I will follow thru my To Do List *hwaiting*

with that said, I will see you on my next post



ciao~

. . .

Behind The Scene

NO ONE TOLD ME FLAT-LAY PICTURES ARE HARD WORK.

ლ(́◉◞౪◟◉‵ლ

*SWEATING BUCKETS*

In the End, It doesn't even matter

It starts with
One thing I don't know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on but didn’t even know
I wasted it all just to watch you go

I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when...

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so (far)
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end

You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when...

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know

I've put my trust in you


- In The End, Linkin Park.

. . .

pending Project DIY no. 1

as the title,

this project is still pending.

I finally began this one like, 4 weeks ago.

I watched tons of tutorials on youtube for this one, as you may already know

and I thought I'm all set.

but since it involves some unfamiliar/fumed materials, it didn't go as smoothly as I thought it would.

first I painted my clear case pink. 

it actually some red paint mixed with white coz I don't have pink colored paint :P

and while I waited for the paint to dry, I cut off some 'desired' pictures.

kalau bukan cOnew, sapa jua lagi? ahahah

I was using acrylic paint, so I know that would take ages to dry

so i move on to the next step; making my 'whipped cream'.

I used 100% silicone mixed with a purple oil paint.

this picture was taken after I mixed the silicone with the paint.

look at that mess ;P

previously (like few months ago), I tried using acrylic paint but the silicone hardened too quickly and became difficult to work with.

I read somewhere on Instagram, saying that some silicone don't work with acrylic paints. so other alternative was to use oil paint or food coloring.

So, that's why I am using oil paint this time around.

I tried them out on a piece of paper, using a baking piping tools.

looks legit, right?

here's some more 'practice' I did

different icing cap gives different shape, of course.

they stink, btw. the silicone. So, I had to work on a well ventilated area a.k.a. i have to open my window, turned off aircond, and turned on the ceiling fan.

I know it took forever for the silicone to fully dry, and by the time that I'm about to make a second batch of the 'whipped cream', it was night time and I can not have my window open during night time (for some cultural beliefs).

So, tergendala lah my project.

I made layout for future use.

I bought the SHINee colored decodens from ebay a long time ago. I glued crystal around the edges coz I love sparkles. the bottle cap thingy was from my purchased at Daiso, Miri. (I love Daiso!).

I haven't figured out how to layout the whipped cream; full or just the edges and under the decodens?

anyway,

I meant for the project to resume the next weekend but I had wedding to attend to the next Sunday, then the next Sunday nya lagi I went Miri (to buy my Faceshop! will share pictures on nanti punya post) and now, too tired to start anything. LOL

you'll be the first to know when I finish with it. ;)

although, this case look awesome already without the whipped cream.

what do you think?

. . .

Facial Stuff

I think I'm late to this 'game'

but I'm on it now.

Facial daily/nightly routine.

It took such discipline, i tell you. (coz I wasn't very committed with this kind of thing :S)

So currently, after every facial wash, I will use toner and moisturizing cream.

I even obsess over buying face mask last month

This doesn't look much but trust me, Face Shop ain't cheap.

Got this free goodies too. 

Super love the panda mask.

In all honesty, I don't know what these masks did to my face but that's maybe because I only uses them once (each) and that can't be enough to review it properly.

I'll update nanti2 when I finally noticed changes on my face (like when I become pretty or something HAHAHA)

For now,

discipline!

and 

commitment!

and 

constant vigilant!
eh salah movie.

hahahaha

. . .

I'm only human

I can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days

If that's what you want

I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh

If that's what you ask
Give you all I am

I can do it

But I'm only human 
and I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
I crash and I break down

I can turn it on
Be a good machine
I can hold the weight of the world
If that's what you need

I can do it

But I'm only human

Just a little human

I can take so much

Until I've had enough

. . .

from the song Human by Christina Perri.

Feelings

Remember when I said I was a little down these past few months?
well..I just heard an old song and thought, "this describe EXACTLY how I feel"

Simple Plan - Welcome to My Life

lets quote some of the verses:

Do you ever feel like breaking down?

Do you ever feel out of place,

Like somehow you just don't belong

And no one understands you?

Do you ever wanna run away?

Do you lock yourself in your room

With the radio on turned up so loud

That no one hears you're screaming?

Do you wanna be somebody else?

Are you sick of feeling so left out?

Are you desperate to find something more

Before your life is over?

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?

Are you sick of everyone around?

With their big fake smiles and stupid lies

While deep inside you're bleeding

No one ever lied straight to your face

And no one ever stabbed you in the back

You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay

Everybody always gave you what you wanted

You never had to work it was always there

You don't know what it's like

No, you don't know what it's like

When nothing feels all right

You don't know what it's like

To be like me

To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down

To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

And no one's there to save you

No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

I know, such deep shit.

but really, this is how I feel.
I'm not even exaggerating.
the one coded in blue is how I think of other people.
I know, that is very negative of me. and very unfair to other people coz I don't know what they've gone through to be what they are just as they don't know what I'm going through.

I don't know since when but I've been saying that I am self-motivated person.
today, I realized that maybe I got that from doing my CV.
which leads me to realize that I really am not (a self-motivated person).
I just thought that I am.

I feel sorry for myself
coz no one else going to be

#ToughLove
#StrongHeart
#ToughLuck

but I guess, that's just life.

a/n: I know I said I'm gona stop posting things like this one but I think its worth the share. maybe this post will motivate other people to be better at controlling their feelings and thoughts than I do.

. . .

DIY design for phonecase Part 3

I honestly thought the previous post was a January post. :S
rupanya, bukan.
man time flies!

I am going to share with you what happened with my DIY phonecase no. 3: paper design.

Well, it's not really a design. 
it was mostly just shaped, cut and pasted.

Step 1. pick a phone case and measure the size.


Step 2. Cut your choice of background paper


Step 3. Choose your bias pictures


Step 4. Cut out bias picture


Step 5. Use craft glue to stick background paper and bias picture together

Step 6. Stick that onto the back of your clear casing. 


Step 7. Cover your paper up till the edge of your casing with your Multi Medium Matte adhesive.


Step 8. left to dry.

Step 9. use

Step 10. realizing the mistake you make 

Step 11. no longer using. now sits in my drawer for a self reminder of what not to do with DIY paper design for phonecase.


my mistakes:
a. I think I need to cut the background smaller so it fits the back side of the casing better.
b. I should have used the Glossy effect instead of Matte.
c. maybe a soft gel liked casing isn't the best material to use for paper DIY phonecase design.
d. maybe the type of paper I used is too thick that's why it wouldn't stick. 

Hmmm.. I don't know, I think I'm gonna give this DIY another try before i proceed with the 'painting' DIY.

. . .

a/n: I learn mostly from Youtube

DIY : Do It Yourself

I was dead bored the whole of last week that I went shopping

ヾ(＠⌒▽⌒＠)ﾉ

on eBay.

and as I was browsing thru so much random shiz, I came up with an idea; how about I make my very own phone case?
like this one

Not my photo as marked.

the plain phone case was DIY-ly designed using a fake-whip-cream clay with little knic-knacs, or decodens, as they called them on eBay (or anywhere else in the world).

I watched a couple of videos on youtube and I think I can do it too.

and the whip-cream-clay was easy enough to make; dry air clay mixed with liquid glue and water (with measured amount of course). I could buy them on eBay but we all know that would take ages to arrive to Brunei (especially with Free Shipment. coz I'm cheapskate and don't like paying express shipment v(=∩_∩=)ﾌ)

But i did buy a couple of decodens from eBay. 

this is not my picture. and also not the sample of decodens that I have bought. 

this is just an example.

I shall start decorating when those things arrived. For now, I shall relax and buy some more. muahahaha! Nuh, just kidding. I am currently thinking of whether I should start a business doing a customize phone case. ᵔᴥᵔ

or I think I'll just buy a few tiny bits of deco at the Mall or something to start my DIY. They probably cost a bit more than the ones from eBay but better than having to wait for my parcel to arrive next month!

I'll share some pictures of my very own phone case when I finally made it one day. 
Let us all pray I have the will to stay motivated. \m/(>.<)\m/

. . .

Me trying to be..a Pelukis..

Hello y'all!

Nothing much here, just posting this lukisan that I drew last month, when I was dead bored.

I tried copying others but as you can see, I suck.

I wish I can draw like this person. (cr goes to as per stamped)

So nice.

But as I once posted a quote from Anne Frank's Diary and it goes a little bit like this; "I'm always sad that I can not draw but at least I can write" (so malas to Google or to browse bag on my previous post for the correct quote)

❀◕ ‿ ◕❀

So, yeah.

this is me trying to spice up my life.


. . .

me being a girl, ranting ...

I seriously need to polish my interviewee skill.

and I think interviewer should at least do their homework too. Like, prepare your questions? 

Just my opinion
but I believe conversation comes from both sides.
You can't expect me to just talk, can you?
It's the first time we are meeting each other. 
We both are awkward.
Since I'm the interviewee, I think I am allowed to 'speak when spoken to'.
You on the other hand should at least keep the conversation going.

Seriously, I've been interviewed by this company twice and both times been like that.

I know interviews are meant to be quote serious unquote but still.

I've been to a lot of interviews and no matter how strict the nature of the interview was at least they know what they were doing and asking of me.

I know. I'm ranting. and some of you might think, "It's not the interviewer, it's you" bla bla bla but really, as disappointed as I am with myself, I still think it could've been better on their side too.

Sigh.

Not all of us is a natural in keeping a conversation going, ok? 

moving on~

a/n: One down, three to go (if the opportunity arises)

. . .

Let's Travel!

Baiduri has this Get Away event in September; a 3 days and 2 nights di Kuala Lumpur!!

I was excited sudah tadi kn mau join. sekali, -.- Junior ku ani last minit membagitau yg ia memang kn KL sma family tu on the same date with the Baiduri event ah. -.- in my Unit, we can not dua urg sekali gos cuti, payah cover/reliefs. 
sasak ku selajur!

So, now I'm planning my own (without Baiduri) KL event. or Singapore. which ever yg bisai. and aku berani kn go. LOL.
most probably KL plang yg I wana go to. CURRENCY NYA MURAH!! hahaha SHOPPING!!!

I'm just too excited because the last time I travel was like two years ago. or was it three? So, I wanna go this year. InsyaAllah~

first thing first, LUGGAGE!!

do you think I should get one of these?

aku mau dua-dua. awesome ni mun travel using these lovelies xD

. . .

Currently

Ever since 14 Jul,
I've been trying to write a story out of this (see below)

but, as always, it leads to a dead end.

Macam, I wonder how Sara Shepard do it. She wrote the Pretty Little Liars (novel) series up till the 12th book and book no. 13 just came out last couple/few weeks.

How did she keep the story going?
where did she got all that ideas from?

hmmm...misti di bawa makan kismis kali aku ani... LOL

*WA icon*

oh well, all in good time.

cr: shiningtweets and Onew's Twitter account.

. . .