Feelings

Remember when I said I was a little down these past few months?
well..I just heard an old song and thought, "this describe EXACTLY how I feel"

Simple Plan - Welcome to My Life

lets quote some of the verses:

Do you ever feel like breaking down?

Do you ever feel out of place,

Like somehow you just don't belong

And no one understands you?

Do you ever wanna run away?

Do you lock yourself in your room

With the radio on turned up so loud

That no one hears you're screaming?

Do you wanna be somebody else?

Are you sick of feeling so left out?

Are you desperate to find something more

Before your life is over?

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?

Are you sick of everyone around?

With their big fake smiles and stupid lies

While deep inside you're bleeding

No one ever lied straight to your face

And no one ever stabbed you in the back

You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay

Everybody always gave you what you wanted

You never had to work it was always there

You don't know what it's like

No, you don't know what it's like

When nothing feels all right

You don't know what it's like

To be like me

To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down

To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

And no one's there to save you

No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

I know, such deep shit.

but really, this is how I feel.
I'm not even exaggerating.
the one coded in blue is how I think of other people.
I know, that is very negative of me. and very unfair to other people coz I don't know what they've gone through to be what they are just as they don't know what I'm going through.

I don't know since when but I've been saying that I am self-motivated person.
today, I realized that maybe I got that from doing my CV.
which leads me to realize that I really am not (a self-motivated person).
I just thought that I am.

I feel sorry for myself
coz no one else going to be

#ToughLove
#StrongHeart
#ToughLuck

but I guess, that's just life.

a/n: I know I said I'm gona stop posting things like this one but I think its worth the share. maybe this post will motivate other people to be better at controlling their feelings and thoughts than I do.

. . .

Youtube, and how I was inspired to make a post from it

have you ever browse something on youtube and ended up on a video not related to the first video you watch?
Same.

Today, I was watching Justin Timberlake's ESPYS (some sport award show) hosting. He was really funny there. then, I went on watching Jamie Fox's hosting the same event from the previous years. and then, I watched Jamie serenade Serena Williams (that famous female tennis player).
Pastu,
some minutes later
I was watching this



Onew and Luna singing Can I Have This Dance at SMTown Concert in Staple Center NY (I think. if not, maybe the one in Japan, I am not sure and lazy to go and find out where).

LOL

I remember watching Deleted Scenes from HSM3 (that's High School Musical 3 for those who don't know) and also remember watching Sharpay and Ryan version of What I've Been Looking For. I know I kept repeating the A Night To Remember coz the dancing was awesome. 

oh, i found the version of Gotta Go My Own Way that I like most



by Nikki Gil

anyway,
what I wanna know is how did I go from Justin's hosting an award show 
to watching song clips or movie videos of High School Musical?!
like, what is the connection?!

LOL

I could've been sleeping (￣。￣)～ｚｚｚ by now coz I felt so tired and yawning a lot at the office today
but
yeah
youtube happened.

About that Onew/Luna video, I was reading the comment coz there was a part where Onew supposed to be singing but he didn't (I remember during that time, fancams were everywhere and I also remember someone commenting about Onew forgetting his line).
You wanna know what I found?
people going gaga over LuNew. ~(⊕⌢⊕)~
and mostly praising these two singers 

example:


don't get me wrong. Luna is about the only girl in the industry that I ship my Onew with. 
It's just, how deaf and blind a fan can be?
it took several scrolls to finally found sometwo commenting about it

1.



2.


I've forgotten how the song goes in the movie but I know I love the HSM3 version just as much. because by that 3rd movie, Zac and Vanessa sounded a lot mature and less squeaky. 

Others also kept going on and on about how tired Onew looked. 
well, i bet he was, SHINee was promoting Lucifer at that time and Onew was doing a musical too. and they flown across the continent to do a concert there. go figure.

In conclusion, 
I wanna thank youtube for recommeding what video I should watch next.
because of that, I am able to make this post.
I thank you and good night!

. . .

Throw Back Saturday?

brief: I was cleaning my room (used to be my sister's too) two weeks ago and we found a lot of things. hahaha most are already crashed and burnt by now. (this should also explain my 'findings' on last Thursday punya post)

My love for colors began early.

and it was shown thru my school books cover all thru high school.

 form 1. this was not my choice. LOL

 form 2 version A

 form 2 version B (i think I was running out of version A at that time LOL barbie lah jua)

 Form 3 (happiest of book cover of the year xD)

 Form 4. (Green was my ultimate fav color back then)

Form 5 (i think the best book cover I've ever had and on final year of high school too)

during form 6,  I had the habit of buying lots of wrapping paper but by that time I no longer have books that need covering (we mostly use full scape papers and files/folders). I used all those wrapping paper over the years to wrap presents instead. I used the last one last June. hahaha like, 7 years after I left form 6. :P

I'm glad that I did this during high school. i think masa atu the important thing was 'sapa punya lapis buku paling lawa'. hahaha 

ah well..good old times.

. . .

Friends

Met an old friend last week. it felt good that we could just fall back into conversation like we never parted for a very long time.

and at some point of that coversation, she admitted that she envied the circle of friends I have. and I told her, I envied her for having a new circle of friends. to which she replied, "But they never last".

I sat there, shock with realization, for a second. I totally agree with her.

Her expression was something and made me thankful of what I have. When she wishes to be a part of our circle, I wish I grew out of mine.

Mr. Fletcher was right. "You win some, You lose some". I may have lost in the number of friends I have but the ones I have means so much more than just a number.

So, what I'm trying to say, is that, I love you guys!! *emotional* Like, SERIOUSLY!

I would love to mention names but you know who you are. :)

and thank you for always being there for me.

YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!

. . .

sci2 BBQ hang outz

Hello again. xD

last Sunday, sci2 people went out for an outing; BBQ at Pantai Simpanan Berakas.

and as always, those who came were those yg memang selalu attend (Hanif, Rahmat, Hasrin, Zawir, ME, Iqral, Buzz, Azhar, Edy n Beah, Aliff, Aziz) plus Syima and Fatin;

Obviously Rasyid was not there (only via Whatapps. ahaha) and two other people were missing too but i'll get back to that at the end of this post ;)

the things we did:

• we (of course) mostly eat and chat. 

• played cards (UNO and some other card 'games' that Fatin encountered when she was studying in KL. I wasn't always there playing with them but from what I heard, she changed game everytime she loses. LOL that girl). 

• went down to the beach, I mean, sudah di sana atu jua kan. ( I went down twice and got sunburned. -___- I don't remember that it stings)

It was nice catching up with everybody. and I realized that it had been years since we left high school. everybody's all grown up now. *tears* hahaha mcm apa~ but really, catching with your oldest of friends made you realise of where you came from and what you wana be from now onwards.

Thank You for always keeping my feet on the ground guys. We may not see each other often but I hope we stay in contact for more years to come and not be awkward at some point.

Let's plan on another gathering, yes? Sungkai Out perhaps?

and in regards about the two people (yg selalu nya hadir) missing; Amirah and Amal K, it was because... jeng jeng jeng..  

Amal K got engaged. she looked so prettyyy~~ cMyra yg took the picture above. that was how I know and understand why both of them couldn't make it. 
at first I was hesitating to post it here but then I realize, barang baik, apa kan tapuk2? and cMyra and herself did post arah Instagram, so I guess, it's ok lah kn for me to post it here too? hehe (since inda jua beribu urg membca blog ku ani :P) So, Congratz Mal. ;)

. . .

Writer's block

Hellewww..

since I'm having the so called *air quote* writer's block *air quote*, I have a sudden interest in editing pictures.

No, not that I've done many, in fact, I have done none.

Why?

Coz I've forgotten how to use my Adobe Photoshop. 

wawawa

I remembered, years ago, that I can do it.

Maybe because of the age factor (plus, Malas Factor) and I haven't done anything of the related, yatah kali aku lupa atu. ahaha

or maybe I should update my software? there's that thing that keep on popping up, asking me to update a certain application or whatever. atu kali..hmm..

I'll give it another try sometime soon.

but if I continued to face some more difficulties, Google will be my last hope for a tutor. (LOL mcm apa saja...)

. . .

pen Pilot

ahaha

yes, another short post.



remember this pen?




i think, sepanjang high-school ku, mesti ada ni pen ah..

but you want to know what I mostly used it for?

writing my stories/fictions.

ahaha

i think it was because that pen made my handwriting small and neat without even trying.

jotting down notes was one thing,
but when you wrote down stories, in small neat handwriting, after a few pages, it looked like you've written alot and accomplished something.
when in reality, you were just writing down 'kiasan' sja..you're not even close to writing down the main point of the story.

LOL!!!

So, yeah..that pen. alot of memories.

I dun have one now but I did bought the one yg body nya made from recycled bottle. it's so cute. (sorry, no picture) it has the same effect as the one above; made my handwriting smaller and neat looking. xD



do you have a certain pen that brings back memories when you look at it?


. . .