2 weeks of sad, and my July Bujo Theme

Hi.

First of all, I am tired.

Second of all, there's nothing I can do about it.

Which then leads me to being super upset. I couldn't even push myself to do anything else but willow in self pity. I couldn't open my journal to write down my feelings. I didn't even start my Bujo July Theme until 15th July! Imagine!

So, here's what's that look like:

I forgot who's July Theme inspired me to do mine but it wasn't AmandaRachLee. hmmm..let me just *check my History on youtube* Ok, it was from annika's leaf.

It was simple and I thought I could use a change; from drawing/coloring myself to using craft papers.

which I happened to have a lot of. 

(these two are the only one I have at the moment)

After I finished that I thought I'd be happy or temporarily so but I wasn't. 

My heart was still heavy and my eyes burned. 

to simply put, I am not happy. Not at all. Yeah I laugh out loud but only becoz I can't be upset in front of people. 

No one cares. 

No one listens.

It's not their problem.

It's mine.

and I'm ashamed to admit but my brain, it went dark. it still is. 

I'm aware of it going dark. I remind myself to not be. but it continues. 

I know people's gonna say "You're overreacting" "You're being dramatic" "it's all in your head" and I'm telling you, I am aware. I'm aware that maybe I am overreacting. Maybe I am being dramatic. Yes, it's all in my head. 

but explain this:

I was listening to EXO -  Power, the supposedly uplifting song in Kpop and one of my favorite song as well but why the hell was I thinking about is jumping of a bridge?

tell me what was that all about?

I imagine a better future, I can see them but at the same time, I'm not going anywhere. I'm stuck here. in this body. in this shell of a body. and I am not happy.

I. am. not. happy.

I. am. not.

Tell me where I can find help.

. . .

the one thing!

went to Miri this morning with ma Sister and brah in Law

and when I was unwrapping things back home, I realized I didn't buy one of the things that I was supposed to buy; baju utk annual dinner this coming 8th Feb.

a.k.a.

 

-.-

I guess I'll just have to make use of the baju that I already have.

or I'll just buy them here in Brunei. wawawawa

A/N: I feel 'kabak2' splurging my money like that. but it's been a while since I done that, so, I guess, it's ok to do it once in a while. ;)

. . .

Writer's block

Hellewww..

since I'm having the so called *air quote* writer's block *air quote*, I have a sudden interest in editing pictures.

No, not that I've done many, in fact, I have done none.

Why?

Coz I've forgotten how to use my Adobe Photoshop. 

wawawa

I remembered, years ago, that I can do it.

Maybe because of the age factor (plus, Malas Factor) and I haven't done anything of the related, yatah kali aku lupa atu. ahaha

or maybe I should update my software? there's that thing that keep on popping up, asking me to update a certain application or whatever. atu kali..hmm..

I'll give it another try sometime soon.

but if I continued to face some more difficulties, Google will be my last hope for a tutor. (LOL mcm apa saja...)

. . .