2 weeks of sad, and my July Bujo Theme

Hi.

First of all, I am tired.

Second of all, there's nothing I can do about it.

Which then leads me to being super upset. I couldn't even push myself to do anything else but willow in self pity. I couldn't open my journal to write down my feelings. I didn't even start my Bujo July Theme until 15th July! Imagine!

So, here's what's that look like:

I forgot who's July Theme inspired me to do mine but it wasn't AmandaRachLee. hmmm..let me just *check my History on youtube* Ok, it was from annika's leaf.

It was simple and I thought I could use a change; from drawing/coloring myself to using craft papers.

which I happened to have a lot of. 

(these two are the only one I have at the moment)

After I finished that I thought I'd be happy or temporarily so but I wasn't. 

My heart was still heavy and my eyes burned. 

to simply put, I am not happy. Not at all. Yeah I laugh out loud but only becoz I can't be upset in front of people. 

No one cares. 

No one listens.

It's not their problem.

It's mine.

and I'm ashamed to admit but my brain, it went dark. it still is. 

I'm aware of it going dark. I remind myself to not be. but it continues. 

I know people's gonna say "You're overreacting" "You're being dramatic" "it's all in your head" and I'm telling you, I am aware. I'm aware that maybe I am overreacting. Maybe I am being dramatic. Yes, it's all in my head. 

but explain this:

I was listening to EXO -  Power, the supposedly uplifting song in Kpop and one of my favorite song as well but why the hell was I thinking about is jumping of a bridge?

tell me what was that all about?

I imagine a better future, I can see them but at the same time, I'm not going anywhere. I'm stuck here. in this body. in this shell of a body. and I am not happy.

I. am. not. happy.

I. am. not.

Tell me where I can find help.

. . .

that Feeling

you know that feeling when you are so down and everything around you insisted to be wrong?

yeah, I'm having that feelings now.

it's frustrating and discouraging and demotivating.

maybe I'm the one who is unhappy in the first place but instead of everything else remain neutral as I wished, things just, don't.

So, all I'm doing right now is, to remain stagnant. like how my life has been for the past few years.

I'm usually a self-motivate person but today, I don't feel like motivating myself. I mean, what's the point really?

a/n: images are not mine

. . .

Easy Target

Apparently Minho isn't the only easy target person in the world.

I found out that I am too.

Remember my previous post several weeks ago about me being tagged by 'someone' on IG?

Well, I got tagged again.

Like, -.-

I know the tagger's is just a kid. like, attacking me over such trivial thing even!

I wanted so much to reply back but then I'll be fueling such unnecessary feud.

like, do you even understand English to begin with?

seriously all these 'fans' are just plain stupid sometimes. 

what do you even get trying to start an empty debate?

I wish there are some 'counseling' provided online for these 'trouble' souls. bless'em.

. . .

December

HELLO!!

miss me? awww... me too.

hahaha

running out of things to post/say/complaint/rage about. Hence the lack of posts.

. . . . . .

nope, still nothing.

So, yeah...bye for now...

Miss Me?

I know I've been neglecting this place.

I just don't know what to post.

So, yeah.

Bye.

HAHAHAH

but seriously...

You think..

You think I don't care kh?
You think when I said, 'I don't give a fcuk' aku banar2 don't give a fcuk kh?

INDA AH!

aku ani manusia yg akan sentiasa memikirkn smua yg terjadi ddunia ani.

GANYA

yg aku sasak,

AKU SAJA WAH YANG MEMIKIRKAN.

SANGAL KU YOH!

inda ko paham kh when I said, 'ngaleh ku'.

Ngaleh ku sudah memikirkn smua ani.

Ngaleh.

SUDAH TAH.

BERAKAL2 TAH.

. . .

Miss Me?

Annyeonghaeseyo

how have you all been? Good I hope. xD

I know..

I was on hiatus,

for various reasons...

Life is a lil too hard at the moment.

but that's ok. ada lagi hidup urg yg lebih 'payah' dari mine.

InsyaAllah, I will get thru this phase.

So, for now, I will try and post as much as I can this month.

(If aku ada rasa kn post jua tu..muahaha)

and try and be positive with Life.

in the mean time, try and not miss me too much (HAHAHAH perasan)

. . .

Pending

pending to be posted . . .






(sak kali ko ehhh LOL!)

new post will commence on 1st of April 2012.

stay tune

xD


. . .