Girlie

Tiffany of SNSD and Jessica Jung (former SNSD member) released first solo mini album this month.

I wasn't really digging Tiffany's I Just Wanna Dance.

but after a few listen, it was actually an Ok song.

I do like her Once In a Lifetime song the first I listened to it.

Jessica came out a week after Tiffany's.

I instantly LOVE her Fly!

her Big Mini World is catchy too. very cute!

between the both of them, there maybe a little bias-ness in my 'opinion'.
After Jessica was dismissed from SNSD, I was kinda, annoyed, by all the other SNSD members IG posts that led me to unfollow all of them. I was especially annoyed by Tiffany's for no apparent reason. LOL
So, when Tiffany's song came out, I was actually have decided that I'm gonna hate it ahaha and until today, I still refuse to watch Tiffany's I Just Wanna Dance MV.
I listened and watched Jessica's Fly MV and as mentioned, I instantly in love. Jessica's mv is very colorful. I like it.

I haven't read Eng Sub lyrics for both song but base on the English sang, I think Jessica's is more inspirational. Tiffany's is mostly just being bratty.
LOL
Ok, I should stop. I'm really just hating on Tiffany. HAHAHAHA

additional note: I think, Jessica's and Taeyeon's first single were both very inspirational. I like that kind of song.

Feelings

Remember when I said I was a little down these past few months?
well..I just heard an old song and thought, "this describe EXACTLY how I feel"

Simple Plan - Welcome to My Life

lets quote some of the verses:

Do you ever feel like breaking down?

Do you ever feel out of place,

Like somehow you just don't belong

And no one understands you?

Do you ever wanna run away?

Do you lock yourself in your room

With the radio on turned up so loud

That no one hears you're screaming?

Do you wanna be somebody else?

Are you sick of feeling so left out?

Are you desperate to find something more

Before your life is over?

Are you stuck inside a world you hate?

Are you sick of everyone around?

With their big fake smiles and stupid lies

While deep inside you're bleeding

No one ever lied straight to your face

And no one ever stabbed you in the back

You might think I'm happy but I'm not gonna be okay

Everybody always gave you what you wanted

You never had to work it was always there

You don't know what it's like

No, you don't know what it's like

When nothing feels all right

You don't know what it's like

To be like me

To be hurt

To feel lost

To be left out in the dark

To be kicked when you're down

To feel like you've been pushed around

To be on the edge of breaking down

And no one's there to save you

No you don't know what it's like

Welcome to my life

I know, such deep shit.

but really, this is how I feel.
I'm not even exaggerating.
the one coded in blue is how I think of other people.
I know, that is very negative of me. and very unfair to other people coz I don't know what they've gone through to be what they are just as they don't know what I'm going through.

I don't know since when but I've been saying that I am self-motivated person.
today, I realized that maybe I got that from doing my CV.
which leads me to realize that I really am not (a self-motivated person).
I just thought that I am.

I feel sorry for myself
coz no one else going to be

#ToughLove
#StrongHeart
#ToughLuck

but I guess, that's just life.

a/n: I know I said I'm gona stop posting things like this one but I think its worth the share. maybe this post will motivate other people to be better at controlling their feelings and thoughts than I do.

. . .

Easy Target

Apparently Minho isn't the only easy target person in the world.

I found out that I am too.

Remember my previous post several weeks ago about me being tagged by 'someone' on IG?

Well, I got tagged again.

Like, -.-

I know the tagger's is just a kid. like, attacking me over such trivial thing even!

I wanted so much to reply back but then I'll be fueling such unnecessary feud.

like, do you even understand English to begin with?

seriously all these 'fans' are just plain stupid sometimes. 

what do you even get trying to start an empty debate?

I wish there are some 'counseling' provided online for these 'trouble' souls. bless'em.

. . .

one of these days

Seriously, 
I need to get a grip.
of my tongue.
Coz one of these days, I might slip something nasty out.
Nasty words.
I know I shouldn't be like this. I shouldn't even consider this.
OR even think about this.

Poor poor soul. they didn't even know that they're doing it. they must've thought we are all open-minded bastards.

I claimed myself the most open-minded one but I guess this little thing, I can't tolerate. or more correctly, I am trying but fail. I just can't. I can't open my mind to it. I can't.

Good thing I never claimed to be perfect. 
That would've contradict everything. 
phew~

hahaha 

I know, this post is like, blank.

if this feelings went on, I might have to say it out loud to my sister. She's my walking diary after all. Diari bergerak.
hahaha ha ha

Point is, I'm just worrying over what if one of these days I might burst and hurt people with my choice of words? What if?

Did you know physical wounds are easier to mend/heal than mental/feelings wounds?

I'm sure you do.

I know exactly how that feels and I don't want others to feel that too. 

not when I can help it.

sigh~

Tough shit

. . .

Emotions

Emotions run high today. or rather, kemarin.

It was the final day before the half-yearly bank closing etc plus we were all anxious about finishing our workload in fear that on Saturday would be the public holiday for Ramadhan.

Rude words were exchanged. Snide remarks shouted everywhere. Particularly from this woman from another unit. I admit that it was partly because of me being 'serious' to her. and when I was raising my voice to my juniors, 'the' woman screamed back to me. Well, she had her back at me but I knew it was meant for me. Macam, dude! Terasa plang di sana atu!
Panas lah hati ku. Malu pasal, luan jua inda betauliahnya bekeraja ani? I know tani satu department, tapi meneriaki cematu atu (walau cemana stress pun kau) kurang ajar bah tu. Besyukur ku kalau ku marah, aku prefer diam2 walaupun hati ku rasa kan teriak2. Satu, ko memalukn urg. Dua, ko memalukn diri sendiri.

Tapi lapas tu we were ok coz I asked her why she screamed so loud when I was raising my voice to my juniors. She said she couldn't remember why she screamed. I think, we both became adult there; eventhough kami tau what happened tapi we decided to let it go.

and then, I realised, in that place, we are all Dobby.

Yes, Dobby the HouseElf from Harry Potter series.
Why?
Because, We are slaved to the management. We hated them for being too cruel and even so we still love  our job (and that overcome the shitty environment). At certain point we also defended them because they are our 'master'.
Macam Dobby kn? Slaved, mastered but we love our job. (I mean, I love my job and my routine. I just hate the environment)
of course, we are not bound for life at BBB.
I could just walk away but I have commitments to take care of. bukan urg kaya kn sanang2 beranti bila 'had enough'.
If only...

Anyway, I just thought of a phrase; memang bulih meminta maaf and memaafkan. tapi hati kalau sudah tersinggung, sampai mati pun masih ingat. 
bak kata pepatah ong puteh, 'Forgive but Never Forget!'.

Yatah, kadang2, baik diam2. Kalau marah, jan luan ikut emosi and cakap suka2 hati or teriak suka2 hati. take a deep breath and think for a moment. Ingat, klu tani memalukan urg, bukn maruah urg sja gugur, meruah tani pun ikut gugur. Why? dah tani inda lagi terhormat kn urg, cemana urg kan hormat tani? Kan?

Ani untuk muhasabah diri ku jua. Kan aku ani pun pemental jua. tapi tujuh taun ku keraja, inda ku pernah meneriaki urg cematu. Sungguh kurang ajaran! Inda betauliah! Awu! sakit ati ku masih mengenangkannya. I know aku patut bersih kan hati pasal inda lagi batah Ramadhan tiba tapi..eh. adang tah. ada yg inda beraya karang taun ani. Hahaha ganas..

eh..baik tah..

. . .