When English is Not your First Language

I finally figured out why I'm having trouble writing my story.

and you may know, I write in English. I'm comfortable that way. Been writing in English elbeit broken since I was 12 years old.

Sometimes I feel like when I write, in Malay we say, 'telampau berbunga-bunga', or sometimes telampau panjang and not a single contain in a sentence.
it's frustrating when you read back.
So, this is why I could never finish my story coz I worry too much, procrastinating, and ended up stopping.

argh!
frust ku even just thinking about it.

anyway,
Let's watch below and you'll understand what I mean




he's so funny! hahaha and Egg, a little. read the comment on youtube. 
it gets better!

here's a little background about how I learned English.

1. thru reading and watching English speaking TV.
2. I mostly read books written by British.
3. I watched too much chick flick movies. or American English movies.

You understand my confusion?

If you can read too much into what I'm writing in my blog, you can sense the shift too.


. . .

Supermoon

So, last night was the appearance of a 'supermoon'

so people been talking about it

not excessively but enough to get me thinkin

about Sailor Moon instead.

"Dengan kuasa bulan, aku akan menghukum mu!"

HAHAHAHAH

I can't get over it.

. . .

I saw the moon at around 6:30pm to 7pm (while I was driving back home from work) but it was normal to me.

You see.

I watched the moon often especially during full moon.

the ambiance surrounding the night sky on a full moon is 'something'.

So, when they say the moon gonna be super big, i was excited to see it

but boy was I misled

I know they say that the moon hasn't been seen that big since 1940s but i swear I saw the big moon during the time when I was active doing taekwondo; back in 2009/2010/2011

I remembered I was soooo fascinated by it, wanted to take picture but I was driving at the time. the moon was orangey colored too (IF i remember correctly :P)

SO, yeah.

a little upset that it was not as I thought it would be.

UNLESS!

did I miss the time frame? 

did I watch too early?

should I camped outside my house and watch the moon progresses into massive orbs?

Youtube 2.016

So, I was watching some 5-minute-make-up tutorial on youtube last night (not that I'm gonna be using it. I was just 'nosy' xP)

and tau-tau

I came across and watched these videos 

(thats why kena recommended to me today on my home page)

videos about removing ingrown hair on skin (on every part of your body) and removing white-heads/acne prevention on your face, etc.

they're disgusting, I know but somehow VERY satisfying!

and when you read the comments on each video, you'll find that I am not the only one yg feel that way. Some even find peace in watching them!

I've always have white-heads problems on my face and I've been obsessing over doing my own 'facial' every other night. 

*whispers : that's why I seldom post selfie, coz my face full of 'pilat' or scars. hahahah

I need to stop watching these videos coz if I continue, I might not be able to 'beraya' once I do my 'facial'

. . .

Question

Caution
long post.

. . .

you know that guy friend who has a girlfriend-turn-wife yang penjeles ya amat?

When Ahmad (bukan nama sebenar) begirlfriend with Sarah (bukan nama sebenar), Ahmad had been avoiding his other friends. especially yg bini2.
the other female friends was told (by the male friends of their circle of friends) that Sarah was a penjeles girlfriend.
the other female friends understand.

and then, Ahmad and Sarah got married.

So, here's a situation:

Erin posted something on social media and Ahmad liked it.
Erin got scared. Scared that Ahmad's wife Sarah would get a wrong idea.
but nothing happened (Sarah did not go and cyber attack Erin, like Erin thought Sarah would). thus, Erin ignored the like and be neutral about it.

Months had passed and Erin noticed that Ahmad liked her posts every now and then. 
Erin was no longer worrying and become curious instead.

masa becouple, you are not allowed to talk or like or heart any other girls' post on social media
but
selepas kawin, you can resume the talking, liking, hearting other girls' post?



Here's the question:

Why is that?

disclaimer: I am single AF and I'm not trying to be know it all about this kind of thing. I'm just curious.

In my understanding, if I don't want him to talk to other girls when we're dating, I certainly don't want him to talk to other girls when we're married.

Maybe it's a trust issue?
you don't trust him when he's your boyfriend
but
you trust him when he's your husband?
PLEASE UNDERSTAND: the 'He' here is the same person.

In my understanding, if I can't trust him when he's my boyfriend, why on earth did I marry him?!

Let's change POV (point of view)

Maybe he was menjaga hati the girl
Ok, he jaga my hati when he's my boyfriend
but
thought it's ok to not jaga my hati when we're married?
Isn't menjaga hati your wife more important?

I really can't do much POV on guys 


Anyway,

I'm just dead curious about this stuff.

coz from Erin's POV, she is scared that Sarah might get the wrong idea. Ahmad might thought that what he's doing is ok. but who knows what Sarah is feeling, right?

I also understand that maybe Sarah isn't getting a wrong idea coz Ahmad married her and she shouldn't be questioning his loyalty and trust him.

Another opinion of mine; Ahmad shouldn't be like that from the moment he berCouple with Sarah. He shouldn't push away his female friends in the beginning to jaga hati girlfriend but after he kawin with Sarah, resume being friends with his female friends again. it's confusing and troublesome.

but once again, I don't know why Ahmad did what he did. Maybe that's the only way he knows how to deal with it?
I just strongly believe that he could've handled it better.

because the moment Ahmad pushes his other friends (male and female) away, they also distant themselves from him. and when he tries to befriend them again, they don't want to.

can you blame them?
I understand if you push away bad influences from your life to be better
but we're friends. 
IF not the best of friends, I'm sure we're good friends of yours.
I get that you can't talk to us (female) to jaga the hati of your girlfriend but did you realize that you avoided going out with our group (have male also) too?
and now that you're married, you wanted to go back to how it was?
are you serious?

that's not how you're supposed to treat your friends.

I understand that married people have commitment but i have never met anyone, who before they were married, pushes everybody away just to keep 'the other half' happy.

that's all that I've got to say.

I could write a novel about this, believe me.

Yes, Erin is me. it's how I feel about the situation. the curiosity is mine.

Once again, I'm single and maybe I don't understand this "sacrifices".

all I can do right now is be neutral and try not to overthink. 

My positivity   It's definitely not me. it's them.

. . .

I am so paning right now

It's been ages since I last seen my hotmail via laptop/website.

and today, because of some emailing issue, I ended up using the website version of hotmail using my laptop. 

boy was I surprised and confused.

I'm not some IT savvy person and anything i did manage to do on the internet are mostly basic. I  mean, REALLY fcking basic. (eg, this blog design. I used Templates!)

So, when hotmail kept asking me to send a 'security code' to 'purple.and.lime@hotmail.com' mail, I was like, "Oh, 'purple and lime' ani sample email kali".
It's not.
it hits me, after several tries, that I OWNED purple.and.lime@hotmail.com!
I don't remember why I made it. probably out of 'sakai-ness'. you know, since at that time, making a hotmail account is so darn easy. maybe. I don't know. seriously, I have no idea!
and then when I tried to change it, came out another email address that reads 'pu****@hotmail.com' (Yes, cematu kana buat.. I don't know kana censored kh apa kh.. I know, what the hell right?)
I'm so confused!
why on earth did I make this weird hotmail accounts?!

but luckily, after a few more headaches figuring out this 'Outlook', I managed to get thru all the securities and updated it. Once that's done, I decided to clean my inbox.

clearly i didn't 'clean' much using my phone (coz usually, I open my mail and delete everything).

and along the way, I unsubscribe to this hmv newsletter (again, wtf face). When? How? Why?

I unsubscribe to any update from my youtube account too.

and here's the bizarre one; Twitter account.

i was on my way to disable my email notification when it asked me to log in and when I did, a message came out saying 'there is a suspicious activity going on' and it asked for some security questions.
then aku realized yg the display pic wasn't mine and I was hit the second time.
I've changed (via my phone) my username from Vengeance to AjeerahAwang a while back.
the funny thing is, why it let me thru in the beginning when I keyed in Vengeance with my current password?
I refreshed the page and keyed in the correct account name and password and everything went back to normal. Lucky we didn't panic - Ronald Weasley, Philosopher's Stone.

this whole thing is such a nerve wrecking experience! 
I know, I know. to some, this might be something of small matter. 
but for me, it is such a big matter.
maybe because, I still love my hotmail ID. it's childish, yes, but it holds a lot of memories that are sooooo me, made by me, for me. 
I don't know how else to explain it but I wish to hold on to something that is me 10-15 years ago coz it feels like I'm losing me these days.

. . .

ENOUGH WITH SOPPY THINGS!

on a brighter note, Pottermore Sorting is back!!
and I'm still a proud Badger!



Hufflepuff - Where They Are Just and Loyal!

I will try and tell you all about it some other time.

I know I still owe you guys the story behind my DIY phonecase too.

xD

until next time!

. . .

a/n: I'm supposed to be asleep like 4 hours ago.

Out of boredom

and laziness.

I went shopping yesterday for new Silver marker (coz the one I had was faulty), and as always, I ended up buying more than just a Silver marker.
I bought these too.

I bought the green ones back when I was doing the August Doodle Challenge (but never actually use it for the challenge).
and now I wonder what I should be doing with them. I still have plenty of kiddies marker pens to choose from, not to mention my Sharpies too.

So what I did today was to color my Ariel. 

I printed the 'coloring' image from the internet (found it on Goodle search).

I know, very sloppy. LOL. well, I'm no professional.

I don't know where this 'coloring' craze came from.
maybe it's from what I've been seeing on IG's explores page; people been posting colored pages from that famous coloring book. I don't know where it originally came from but I know I first saw the thing from Key's IG post few months back. and the written letters were in Korean.

Now, I saw these coloring books at our local bookstore too. Only it's in English. Although I considered it cheap, I haven't got around to buy them. I'm scared that this phase I'm in is only temporary. besides, I am such a lazy person that even if I thought of it, I usually ended up not doing it. LOL

anyway,
i thought I'd share this recent thoughts here;
I once saw someone posted a collection of their sketch books and I thought, "I wish I could draw too" and proceeded into thinking of buying a sketch book for myself.
But yesterday, as I was buying the markers and looking thru some small sketch book to buy, I realized, I am no artist (not the one that draws anyways) and decided to stop the frenzy of buying art supply and such.
On my way home, I kept thinking (and realizing) that I already have a collection of books/journals. they may not be as awesome as the one that those artists have; with their anime like drawings, majestic colors, etc. but my diaries/journals are all and filled to the brim with writings.
I think it's awesome that I actually have diaries/journals collection. 
How many people have such collections? I mean a collection of something you yourself create? I'm guessing not so many.
I remember writing or typing the saying of Anne Frank's, "I may not know how to draw but at least I can write".
So, as I sat here this afternoon, wondering (still) about what to draw, I decided to just let go of that ambition and just settled with coloring instead. I colored so well. LOL

all I'm saying is that, I'm glad that I have this sense of trying to draw. In another word, I'm trying to find myself again thru this. "Try and Error," as one of my fellow Team Building buddy once said. 
It's never too late. the good thing about it is that, at this age, you become less stressful over your error and learn quickly to move forward onto another thing.
it may look like I was giving up but lets face it, drawing doesn't just happened over night (as do success), they took a lot of years to perfect.
Just like writing. I don't just write like this out of no where. It took me my entire high school life to find the confidence to even write this long for your viewing. even when you don't read it! 

I guess, from my point of view, people only ever interested in my art when I have a lot of pictures posted together with any of my lengthy post. So that's what I did all these years with my posts. To keep people interested, I either posted something short with one picture or if I decided on something lengthy, I make sure I have some pictures attached in it before posting.
It gets a little frustrating sometimes trying to figure out what makes people happy with my posts.
BUT
that always short-lived and I ended up posting whatever I want.
xD

. . .

Onew has a sexy back.

No hate.
. . .

one of these days

Seriously, 
I need to get a grip.
of my tongue.
Coz one of these days, I might slip something nasty out.
Nasty words.
I know I shouldn't be like this. I shouldn't even consider this.
OR even think about this.

Poor poor soul. they didn't even know that they're doing it. they must've thought we are all open-minded bastards.

I claimed myself the most open-minded one but I guess this little thing, I can't tolerate. or more correctly, I am trying but fail. I just can't. I can't open my mind to it. I can't.

Good thing I never claimed to be perfect. 
That would've contradict everything. 
phew~

hahaha 

I know, this post is like, blank.

if this feelings went on, I might have to say it out loud to my sister. She's my walking diary after all. Diari bergerak.
hahaha ha ha

Point is, I'm just worrying over what if one of these days I might burst and hurt people with my choice of words? What if?

Did you know physical wounds are easier to mend/heal than mental/feelings wounds?

I'm sure you do.

I know exactly how that feels and I don't want others to feel that too. 

not when I can help it.

sigh~

Tough shit

. . .

WHAT. THE. WHAT.

I mean, WHAT. THE. WHAT.

take a look at this!!

do you wana know what it means?

I'll tell ya what it means.

It means *JO.SE. TIN. BI. BO. REL. CHO. HA. HAE* in another word (I don't know what it means exactly but, roughly it means) *Justin Bieber. Like* (Ok fine! I googled it and it means *I Like Justin Bieber*)

just what. the. fuck. is (whomsoever yg meng-edit!) think (whomsoever yg meng-edit) doing?! THAT'S NOT EVEN HANJA IS IT?

but hey, I was just being silly. and trying to show off yg I can actually read Hangul. :P LOL (key point: read but not quite understand)

ah well. they probably thought it'd be a laugh.

and it made me laugh.

Ha ha ha ha.

just!

WHAT. THE. WHAT.


. . .

Family my foot.

I was at a family function a couple of weeks ago
and I noticed/realised a lot of things.

• their sister-in-laws were treating us like what.
• the younger cousins were doing it too.
• the cousins, of course, lagi dashyat.

People are just prone to be a blind judge.

I mean, what ever happened in the past had nothing to do with me, or you. it's our parents disputes.

So, what the hell are we doing?

Mom always drag me to 'these' cousins functions because the adults are 'all over it' (so they say). but they'd forgotten what they had done to the next generation of cousins.

I would've act neutral if they would. but everytime I set my mind to be neutral, smiling and greet people politely, they always ended up like a fucktard bitch. EVEN the men/guys/boys.

LIKE SERIOUSLY WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!

and my mom wondered why I never wanted to go?

Mom knew of course, or knew just a little and often telling me off when I got mad. she said, 'tani jangan tah ikut2an bejahat. Mun inda, sama tah tani jua macam drg tu'.
*rolled eyes*
Tau plang ku. ganya, I'm still just human and a human can only stand to a certain limit.

and My way of not bad mouthing them is TO NOT see them. EVER.
the less I see the lot of them , the better I feel. the less I 'mengumpat'. the less I 'sakit hati'.

I know they're not all like that. they are VERY nice people too. just not much.

and it's just THAT side of that family. always.

I don't know what their problem is.

all I'm asking is, just, GET OVER YOURSELVES. THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU. 

. . .

the world is not split into good people and Death Eaters - Sirius Black.

I dun understand

this was taken from my current obsession; Tiny Village.

first, they asked you to "eat healthy"

I thought they were asking me to build this

skali rupanya ia suruh aku build ani.

inda ko confuse kn tu?

apa kn concept "eat healthy" ani?

. . .

Wrong much?

was browsing thru my Twitter home page and i came across this; 

macam, misinterpretation much?! 

Ahahaha I love Harry Potter and I love Dobby the houseElf But really? The hex6YearswithELF is clearly not about Dobby, is it? 

Ok lah..maybe inda smua org tau psl "KPop" 

but REALLY? like, REALLY!?

. . .