After Laughter

Just when I thought there were no more good lyricist in the world,
Paramore came out with this album.

Let's read the lyric for Hard Times below:


All that I want
Is to wake up fine
Tell me that I'm alright
That I ain't gonna die
All that I want
Is a hole in the ground
You can tell me when it's alright
For me to come out

Hard times
Gonna make you wonder why you even try
Hard times
Gonna take you down and laugh when you cry
These lives
And I still don't know how I even survive
Hard times
Hard times

And I gotta get to rock bottom

Walking around
With my little rain cloud
Hanging over my head
And it ain't coming down
Where do I go?
Gimme some sort of sign
You hit me with lightning!
Maybe I'll come alive

Hard times
Gonna make you wonder why you even try
Hard times
Gonna take you down and laugh when you cry
These lives
And I still don't know how I even survive
Hard times
Hard times

And I gotta hit rock bottom

Tell my friends I'm coming down
We'll kick it when I hit the ground
Tell my friends I'm coming down
We'll kick it when I hit the ground
When I hit the ground


Aren't they genius?

I love it! it's like they know what's in my head or something.

psychic!

Hashtag Raven

Now let's watch the MV



Kinda rugged right this concept?

I'm living for it.

Hashtag GOPARAMORE

. . .

Similarity v.2.0

When I said Similar, I don't mean on the way they look.

I mean, maybe ada lah sedikit similarities but inda banyak.

When I said similar, I mean, in the way they played their character when they acting.

Hello.

Fancy seeing me again, yeah?

my last post is still very true. I am still not believing it but it is still true. it is so unreal but it's soooo real.

thus,

I decided to not deal so much on that coz emotion is exhausting, and try post about something else.

I was watching National Treasure the other day, and the character Abigail Chase reminds me of somebody else. 

Abigail Chase was played by Diane Kruger. btw 

and her Abigail character reminds me of Abigail Breslin.

Abigail Breslin is a child actor who is super talented. 

mcm Dakota Fanning. 

as mentioned above, I'm not saying they look similar, I'm saying their acting reminds me of each other.

the next pair that I'm going to mention is between Natalie Portman and Millie Brown.

I first saw Millie during those hypes from Stranger Things. I personally haven't watch that series.

and the way Millie presented herself, reminds me so much of Natalie Portman. that confident! #bringitgurl

I don't even know these young actors (although Abigail is all grown up now, 21 years old) but they make me proud.

I hope they continue to bring their A game in their career!

all the best girlies

hashtag girlpower

. . .

December 18th

December 18th, 2017.

A Monday.

It had been a long time since I last had my 'Monday Blues'. while other people have Monday Blues, I have Busy Bee Monday.

I came to work on the dot and had already set my mind into 'work' mode. Meaning, no matter what happened; lots of customers, lots of transactions, "I'm gona get thru the day head on!"

and then the day end. I was just getting into my car when I saw a text from my bespren, "JONGHYUN DIED??"
confused and a little insulted, I texted back, "Whaaaaaaa"

Time was 7:24pm.

He told me to check IG.

I had not check my IG all day. I was on youtube (listening to horror search and rescue story that day) most of the time.

So, I checked my timeline. I see that most of the fanacct I followed did not say anything about it.

and when I finally did check my Explore page, my heart skipped a beat.

there it was, the news.
Jonghyun found dead. Send a suicide text to his sister. Dead by CO poisining.


Of course, my initial reaction was "denial".

I have never been so in denial ...ever.

but as the hour went on, the fanaccount I followed started to post about the incident, one by one.

Reading from the Explore page was such an agony.

Zawir said, "this is worse than a band breaking up"

I, on the other hand, kept texting back "omg"

sampai Zawir pun ckp "Can you say anything else??!"

I mean, what do you want me to say?

I was so tired from a long day, all I planned on doing that night was sleep early, and then this news attacked me.

It attacked the entire Kpop world!

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?

but nothing hits hard then when SM finally post an Official statement.

Nothing, I tell you.

I also kept on saying to myself, "What the hell Jonghyun? what the hell"

I know about his struggle with Depression. He talked about it often. I know.

but

I didn't think he would give up.

I didn't think he would end up choosing this path.

I kept thinking of his mother and sister whom he was super close with. whom he protected. whom he loved. whom loved him back. Honestly, atu yg ku pikirkan yg buat aku sedih.
next I thought of SHINee member; Minho and Taemin went to his concert on 10th Dec. Onew must've blamed himself for causing such big scandal for SHINee, and Key. Key as I understand it, was in Portugal. He was on the way back last night.

Part of me was so upset he chose that. very very upset.

But mostly,

I was sorry.

Sorry that I didn't think of him much during Onew's absence.

Taemin, Key and Minho news often pop up on social media as they were busy with their schedules.

the only time I smiled for Jonghyun was when fanaccounts started posting clips and images from his Inspiration Concert.

that was it.

he just had a concert.

I didn't think he would end his life in the midst of that.

I didn't ....

Typing this post the day after. 19th Dec. at a restaurant near my office. at 8:38am coz I couldn't do anything last night.

all I did was read IG, do laundry. played Dong Yi on my DVD but only as my background music, and the last time I see the clock on my phone, it showed 2:48am

I woke up to my alarm at 6am. then another alarm went off around 6:10am, from StarPop game app.

Jonghyun voice telling me to wake up.

then it hit me again.

I remembered that my dream had been me crying in so many random places.

my heart.
you know that feeling of difficulty breathing when you started crying your heart out?
it felt that way the moment I opened my eyes.

If Brian leaving Westlife in 2004 was bad news,
Jonghyun passing is worst.

Shawol decided to turn their DM to white instead of black.
Becoz Jonghyun had been in the dark. So black is too depressing.
White is the light.

I think thats what they meant.

gosh, I could go on forever with this but what's the point?

- stopped at 9:03am coz gotta go back to work -

- SHINee Romantic and Leona Lewis Run on repeat all day -

- continue editing 9:38pm -

I'm not giving up on my life, if that's what you're worrying about.

I'm just gonna be sad.

maybe this news don't hit me as hard as it did to other Shawol, but when you're presented with such devastating news, something that didn't even cross your mind in the slightest, I think, I am allowed to be sad.

as a Shawol, especially after Onew's scandal 3 months ago, all I've been thinking about is seeing SHINee as 5.

it's all I know. SHINee is not SHINee if one member missing.

I don't remember a SHINee concert without Jonghyun. maybe he did miss a couple during his recovery from his car accident. that was like way back when he still drives his Kia Sonata? way before he bought that Lambogini. I'm not in the mood to Google actual year.

anyway, pokoknya, kalau ada SHINee concert, mestilah ada Jonghyun. he the main vocalist!

I wonder what will happened to SHINee Dome Concerts in Japan, February 2018.

SMEnt has cancelled all SM artist event since 18th Dec night. 

19th Dec is the start of the funeral service and i think it will end on 21st Dec.

i think it's fitting SHINee member to be his chief mourners; Jonghyun been telling the public that SHINee is his family.

sigh.

No, I have not cry. while I'm awake.

I dread seeing the other 4 members on the 21st Dec.

. . .

my sources are mostly from IG posts. Images screetshot by me, cropped with the IG account name that posted it.

what made my stomach churned, when I see Jonghyun's wiki page was already updated with his death date, like way before SM Statement was released.

one last screenshot. read the caption.

It's what I hoped for too but, I think he didn't want to fight anymore. 
there's also a part of me that say he didn't want to be saved.


This is all still so unreal to me.


. . .

Tell Me What To Do

When English is Not your First Language

I finally figured out why I'm having trouble writing my story.

and you may know, I write in English. I'm comfortable that way. Been writing in English elbeit broken since I was 12 years old.

Sometimes I feel like when I write, in Malay we say, 'telampau berbunga-bunga', or sometimes telampau panjang and not a single contain in a sentence.
it's frustrating when you read back.
So, this is why I could never finish my story coz I worry too much, procrastinating, and ended up stopping.

argh!
frust ku even just thinking about it.

anyway,
Let's watch below and you'll understand what I mean




he's so funny! hahaha and Egg, a little. read the comment on youtube. 
it gets better!

here's a little background about how I learned English.

1. thru reading and watching English speaking TV.
2. I mostly read books written by British.
3. I watched too much chick flick movies. or American English movies.

You understand my confusion?

If you can read too much into what I'm writing in my blog, you can sense the shift too.


. . .

Positivity Vibe

Someone posted/created this in our office's pantry's whiteboard.

my initial reaction?

-.-

because, 

I hate that place.

bahahahah

but when i thought about it again,

at least, one of us still have hope.

One question though,

"Why is she posting her own photo up in the office pantry?" (bottom left corner)

0_o

vain much?

LOL


. . .

50 questions

So, 
was looking for ideas on what to post on my blog
and after watching so much vlogs on youtube, I decided upon doing the "50 questions about..." in blog post format.

I Googled the 50 questions and a tat bit disappointed
becoz most of the questions on the top search are about drinking, sex, and things that I don't relate to.

I scrolled down some more, I came across this:

i think it's much more fun to do the kids version than the adult version.

Here we go:-


1. If you could live in a house shaped like anything, what would it be?
Sphere

2. What do you think is in the outer space?
more space

3. Where is the most wonderful place you've ever been?
In my dreams

4. What are you good at?
Judging and critisizing

5. What's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to you?
"the way you talk is very broad"

6. Waht are you most proud of?
I know myself enough to know what I want and don't want

7. If you were invisible for a day, what would you do?
watch movies in the cinema

8. What is the worst smell in the world?
wet trash

9. what do you want to be when you grow up?
HAHAHAHA a well-known writer

10. what makes you cry?
emotion

11. where do babies come from?
Storks. duh

12. Were there dinosaurs on Noah's ark?
No

13. What are you scared of?
Human being

14. If you could, what two animals would you combine?
hmmmm

15. Who is your hero?
Myself

16. What is your favorite song?
One Day - Charice

17. What is a friend?
hmmm

18. What is your favorite memory?
When i belt Leann Rimes  - And It Feels Like in perfect notes from beginning to end.

19. If you could, what type of animal would you be?
Tiger

20. Who is your bestfriend?
my bestfriends

21. What is your favorite thing to do with family?
Eating

22. What is the most important rule?
Manners matter

23. If you had a million dollars, what would you spend it on?
Start a new life in Japan. HAHAHAHAH

24. Why do people get old?
nature

25. What is love?
Happiness

26. If your pet could talk, what would it say?
WOMAN LEAVE ME ALONE!

27. IF you had super powers, what would they be?
House cleaning with a click of my fingers

28. What's the best thing about being a kid?
less responsibilities

29. Why do people have different color skin?
God made them

30. Who is someone in history that you'd like to be friends with? Why?
The Romanov. coz they looked fascinating in pictures.

31. What makes you happy when you're sad?
Food

32. Do you have a lucky number? why is it lucky to you?
Not really but I like 10. becoz I was born on the 10th

33. If you could be president for the day, what would you do?
Make Monday part of the weekend. LOL

34. What is something that you don't understand about grownups?
How they can still act so immature and childish

35. What is the greatest thing ever invented?
Fried Chicken

36. Have you ever played a joke on someone? what was it?


37. What do you think is the most important appliance or piece of furniture in your house?
Bed

38. What is your favorite word? why?
FU. coz everybody sucks. LOL

39. If you had your own country. what would it be called?
Triple A

40. What do you dream about when you sleep?
about going to Japan #obsession

41. If you were in a band, what instrument would you play? why?
Drum. coz drummers rock! \m/

42. What 3 words would you use to describe your family?
quiet. knowing. independent.

43. What's something you'd like to learn how to do?
Cook yummy food

44. If you had to give away all of your toys but one, which one would you keep?
all of them. HAHAHAHAH

45. what do you think Heaven is like?
like Heaven.

46. what is something that you're thankful for?
Life.

47. what's the hardest thing you've ever had to do?
Letting go

48. Do you think that telling the truth is always right, even if it hurts someone's feelings?
Yes. 

49. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?
who are you?

50. what's the greatest thing about being you?
too kind to people who don't deserve it.



this took me about 20 mins to finish.
I decided to put down the first answer that pop up in my head.
less fuss that way :P

and there you have it.

hope you had fun reading my attempt at 50 questions.


 . . .

Life update (not that anyone care)

I change the layout of my blog again!
coz I was getting bored with the old one.

oh well

*shrug*


these changes are in line with my new life motto, "out with the old, in with the new".

I finally deleted my 2016 Japan photos from my phone!

transfer the rest of my 2017 photos to my harddrive too.

I've been feeling clogged for a while and after I did all the above (among other cleansing that I do), I feel unclog.

Hence, this post.

So,

I mentioned that I'm planning to travel again.

my nearest plan would this coming Dec, to Kuala Lumpur. 

I'm actually crashing Bazilah's family trip.

LOL

not really.

I've been putting it on and off since I first found out about it. Bazilah said I could tag along if I wanted to.
I booked my accommodation maybe two months ago thru agoda.com. which has this awesome features! where you can book first and pay later with free cancellation.
I thought, if in the end I decided not to go, I could just cancel the booking.

but last month, or maybe end of September, I was forced to clear my leave (work annual leave) and upset as I was, I finally decided on going to KL in December. coz I don't like the idea of taking leave off work and staying at home. That's not how I roll.

:P

Just bought my air ticket couple of weeks ago.

Lucky I managed to buy the slightly cheaper one. 

Now all I have to do is not spend money here.

hmmm

moving on~

I've finally decided to fly to Japan again next year.

I even block (book) my leave already!

ahahah

and I have been obsessing over it for almost a week now.

it's to the point of health concerning.

I have not eat properly for a few days now.

my stomach is acting funny too. :S

So, I'm taking a break now.

besides, the planning is much easier now since it would be my second time going.
although I'm not an expert, at least I know a few things, like, in regards of train rides, distances, food wise. 
I wanna go back to USJ for Harry Potter (like, duh!). and I wanted to go to Disney Sea this time around.
the main point is, I don't want to stress! I want this second time around to have more leisure time and more adventure time.

masih plan lah..the idea is confirmed. no tickets booked or purchased yet. 


things at work is tough since the beginning of the year. and I've turned into this person that I don't like because of it. 
actually, the work is ok. its the people that I can't.
*rolled eyes*

that is why, obsessing over my next trip to Japan is good thing.

it's my motivation to stay sane.

. . .

Harry Potter 2.17 version

Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone turned 20 this year.

and JK Rowling released a limited edition Hogwarts House cover for the first book.

*bite nails*

I. LOVE. IT!

but that doesn't mean that I'm gonna buy it. House Pride or not.

I mean, If I were to succumb to this madness, my collection would look like this

LOOK. AT. IT.

but I'm not gonna.

It's pretty and I LOVE the scarf colored paper edges! argh! but

(there are going to be a lot of butt in this post)

let's be rational here.

If I were to have all four houses color, have them in paper back AND hard cover, it's just going to be like having 8 (NINE! if we include the copy I already have) copies of the same book!

its riddikulus!

wait. actually, I would've have 10. coz I have that big book with pictures version of the Philosopher's Stone book. :p

The point is, I think I have enough Harry Potter collection;
the complete series 

I read book 1-4 from my High School library. I only bought my copies when I started working.
I got book 5 as a bday gift from my sister.
and book 6-7 I bought on the released date. by this point, I was an addict. Harry Potter fanatic. 


and the on going illustration version of this series, by Jim Kay which I think come out once a year? 

I think getting my hands on Jim Kay version would be ok. although same story but at least this version is full of colors and illustration. ;)


and speaking of 'Have enough Harry Potter collection', don't get me started on the amount of Merchandises I have on this franchise.
Keychains,
Mugs,
Journals,
Phonecase,
DVDs,


and also, to those who keep suggesting I buy the Hogwarts Library collection

No, thank you.
it's pretty but really, no.

it's because I already have mine from 8/10 years ago.

and let's not get me started on how Harry Potter isn't my only obsessions!

I have Stationery, Kpop, Tupperware, BOOKS in general, Journals! obsessions to name a few.

I don't have money growing of trees, dammit!

I need to find a new hobby and obsession that don't involve spending money :P

anyway,
there goes my little rant.
but I'm pretty sure, if I had the money, I would've spent them on the-old-book-with-a-new-cover books in a heartbeat.

*shrug*

OH!
was browsing bookdepository.com for that House covered version and found below

I mean, how many version can you make?

P/S: Ms. Rowling, that is not a challenge, please don't answer by making any new ones. I am not a rich person nor do I have a rich parent to support me with my Harry Potter addiction. thank you.


. . .

Extra note: Images without 'Penniless Crime' are not mine, found them via Google, credit to respective owners. the screenshot from bookdepository is cropped and edited by me.

Reading again

I started reading again

and I love it!

but I think I can't go on like I used to.

Before, I could read a book 8 hour straight without food and water. 
but now, I have to stop and eat properly. because, 

continue to read below.

I started reading Anna Kendrick Scrappy Little Nobody on Sunday, 27th Aug night at around 10pm and finished on 30th Aug at 12:30am! of course, I have pauses. I can not read during working hours. thus, I read during 1 hour lunch break and once I got off work. So, if I bothered counting the hours, I finished that book in 2 days.
and by daylight of 30th Aug, I was having nausea and stomachache. I began my morning by drinking lots of plain water and trying to eat solid food was a pain.
It took me until later afternoon of 31st Aug to finally had my stomach felt ok with food.
and that was when I concluded that I can not dive into a book and not eat. 

but thats the thing, once I started reading, i was too into it that I didn't realized anything else around me. :S


anyway, about the book.

Such a motivational piece.

and I can't believe she disclosed her sex life too. LOL

She is so weird and awesome at the same time.

I love it.

and 

love the book more.

am I allowed to post bits and pieces of the content of the book here?

I think it should be ok, since I'm not posting the entire content, right? :P

If only I marked/highlighted my book during school time like this, I would be your average cool student LOL!

I hope those attached pictures will intrigue you and you shall read it in the near future.

it really is a fun read.

or maybe I was deprived of reading and this was the first book I read after such a long time. :P

but really, a good read, is a good read.

. . .