my motivation to ABS

I am currently trying to tone certain parts of my body 

and i need motivations.

this is one of them





*creepy noona smile*

to entertain you more, go and read comments under that video on youtube. 
you'd be surprised by the amount of intelligence.

bahahahahah

. . .

A/N: I have two emotions; Onew and Anger. tell me which one you prefer me to post.

Too Soon

there are two things that I find too soon for me;

1. to read Five Days Left by Julie Lawson Timmer

2. to watch Along with the Gods : The Two Worlds

the book was too raw for me coz I tried to baca on early Jan. but by the beginning of chapter 3, I can not take it and stopped.
the story was about a woman sick with cancer and planned to take her own life at her own term. Instead of waiting for the cancer to claim her life, she decided to take her own life before the cancer did.
the part yg made me felt a lump in my throat was when she set the date of when she's going to take her life.
I feel like Jonghyun was like that too. He already set a date. there was excert from an interview where he said he wanted to rest in Dec/2017 no matter what. I just thought, as I read that book first chapter, "he planned it"
there was that security guard punya witness account about what Jonghyun was doing in the last moment at the apartment he rented; he was driving fast and making lots of noise with his car. a fan said he was contemplating. He must've had second thoughts. sigh
every time I thought if this, there are lots of "if only"

The Two Worlds was a lot tougher to handle but I get thru it. (Pasal liat diwayang. nothing else I can do but watch sampai habis LOL)
this one lagi dashyat. my heart skipped a bit part the funeral scene.
as we know, I have read a lot of article during/after Jonghyun's funeral.
Part yg aku feel was when the movie's main character's mother sat in front of her son potrait and then there was an annoucement about putting the body into the casket.
during Jonghyun's, a post said his was done privately in the presence of  his loved ones.
So, from reading to watching and hearing an enactment of that scene is hard.
I shed a tear towards the end of the movie. bukan nangis berabis. just shed a tear. LOLbut really ut was mostly becoz I was so emerse in that movie. argh! no wonder it become 2nd highest grossing Korean movie. thumbs up

I finally understand when people posted warnings before continue reading a post.

I felt a lump in my throat and my hear skipped a beat from the above. I'm sure others might be a lot more emotional and will be triggered easily.

Some still need to time to heal

I don't know if I am healed or apa, but like i once said, you can never get over a death of your love ones, you just learn to cope and move on.

. . .

Composed on: 15th Feb 2018
Edited on: 14th Mar 2018

1. finished reading Five Days Left (read most of the book on 3rd and 4th Mar, and finished the rest on 9th Mar) and boy that was tough! I kept catching my breath at some parts. I kept wondering if that was what went thru Jonghyun's head. Like, he kept having second thoughts but certain things happened and his decision became more resolute.
2. Life goes on.

Enough

I hate how everything is Jonghyun that Jonghyun this

I have nothing against him or Blingers or fellow Shawols

I'm just against everything is so easily connected to him nowadays

eg 1. His album sales was phenominal.
I'm not saying its bad, I'm actually glad.
but why can't his previous album be phenominal too? when he was alive? when he needed the assurance most??

2. His MV reached 2mil in less than 24hrs.
WHERE WERE YOU ALL MASA HIS PREVIOUS RELEASES?!
why now baru th interested and commenting You've worked hard, Oppa.
come on!

3. SM and maybe SHINee management too, decided to not sale Jonghyun related merchandises at SHINee World  Concert the Best From Now
to me, lurus bah. orang nya nada sudah, it wouldn't be right to be still getting profit/advantage like that.
some even commented "SM should make an exception"
*rolled eyes*
would you want me to sell merchandise of your love ones once they passed away and take all the profit from it.
Pahamilah.
I know this news is especially hard for Jonghyun bias.
but remember, his Poet | Artist album might not be out if it was not becoz of SM.
SM already make an exception thru that album. its the last goodbye.
not to mention whatever legal actions base on their decisions.
Kindly be more open and understandble, ok?

4. with this news about SHINee losing a member by suicide are overwhelming.
Key was right to post a request on his IG; to treat them as before, to give them support.
Yes, I am one of that Shawol who wanted to see OT5 ever since Onew's scandal.
but if we insisted to see OT5 when we all know that that is impossible now, we don't just hurt ourselves, we hurt the remaining member of SHINee too.
SHINee is now a 4 member-ed group.
that doesn't make them any less SHINee.
they are still SHINee.
and we need to continue supporting SHINee as we always have.
of course, right now, with extra compassion.


I don't know if I want to listen to live stream of the concert in Japan this weekend.
macam alum ku ready.
in my head, there will be a lot of moment where they might paused and a little lost coz they have the raw-est of feelings.
I can't.
tunggu tah ah smpi ada fanaccount with subs.


. . .

The above was composed on 15th Feb 2018.

Edited 14th Mar 2018.

1. I still feel the same as the above as of now.
2. I was right to not stream the concert coz when I did, everyone was so emotional, SHINee and Shawols. I shed another tear.
3. I wish for them to take a year long break. to mourn. to grieve. to get everything together at their own phase. I know life goes on but I think they deserve that break.
4. time. we need more time.

. . .

December 18th

December 18th, 2017.

A Monday.

It had been a long time since I last had my 'Monday Blues'. while other people have Monday Blues, I have Busy Bee Monday.

I came to work on the dot and had already set my mind into 'work' mode. Meaning, no matter what happened; lots of customers, lots of transactions, "I'm gona get thru the day head on!"

and then the day end. I was just getting into my car when I saw a text from my bespren, "JONGHYUN DIED??"
confused and a little insulted, I texted back, "Whaaaaaaa"

Time was 7:24pm.

He told me to check IG.

I had not check my IG all day. I was on youtube (listening to horror search and rescue story that day) most of the time.

So, I checked my timeline. I see that most of the fanacct I followed did not say anything about it.

and when I finally did check my Explore page, my heart skipped a beat.

there it was, the news.
Jonghyun found dead. Send a suicide text to his sister. Dead by CO poisining.


Of course, my initial reaction was "denial".

I have never been so in denial ...ever.

but as the hour went on, the fanaccount I followed started to post about the incident, one by one.

Reading from the Explore page was such an agony.

Zawir said, "this is worse than a band breaking up"

I, on the other hand, kept texting back "omg"

sampai Zawir pun ckp "Can you say anything else??!"

I mean, what do you want me to say?

I was so tired from a long day, all I planned on doing that night was sleep early, and then this news attacked me.

It attacked the entire Kpop world!

WHAT DO YOU WANT ME TO SAY?

but nothing hits hard then when SM finally post an Official statement.

Nothing, I tell you.

I also kept on saying to myself, "What the hell Jonghyun? what the hell"

I know about his struggle with Depression. He talked about it often. I know.

but

I didn't think he would give up.

I didn't think he would end up choosing this path.

I kept thinking of his mother and sister whom he was super close with. whom he protected. whom he loved. whom loved him back. Honestly, atu yg ku pikirkan yg buat aku sedih.
next I thought of SHINee member; Minho and Taemin went to his concert on 10th Dec. Onew must've blamed himself for causing such big scandal for SHINee, and Key. Key as I understand it, was in Portugal. He was on the way back last night.

Part of me was so upset he chose that. very very upset.

But mostly,

I was sorry.

Sorry that I didn't think of him much during Onew's absence.

Taemin, Key and Minho news often pop up on social media as they were busy with their schedules.

the only time I smiled for Jonghyun was when fanaccounts started posting clips and images from his Inspiration Concert.

that was it.

he just had a concert.

I didn't think he would end his life in the midst of that.

I didn't ....

Typing this post the day after. 19th Dec. at a restaurant near my office. at 8:38am coz I couldn't do anything last night.

all I did was read IG, do laundry. played Dong Yi on my DVD but only as my background music, and the last time I see the clock on my phone, it showed 2:48am

I woke up to my alarm at 6am. then another alarm went off around 6:10am, from StarPop game app.

Jonghyun voice telling me to wake up.

then it hit me again.

I remembered that my dream had been me crying in so many random places.

my heart.
you know that feeling of difficulty breathing when you started crying your heart out?
it felt that way the moment I opened my eyes.

If Brian leaving Westlife in 2004 was bad news,
Jonghyun passing is worst.

Shawol decided to turn their DM to white instead of black.
Becoz Jonghyun had been in the dark. So black is too depressing.
White is the light.

I think thats what they meant.

gosh, I could go on forever with this but what's the point?

- stopped at 9:03am coz gotta go back to work -

- SHINee Romantic and Leona Lewis Run on repeat all day -

- continue editing 9:38pm -

I'm not giving up on my life, if that's what you're worrying about.

I'm just gonna be sad.

maybe this news don't hit me as hard as it did to other Shawol, but when you're presented with such devastating news, something that didn't even cross your mind in the slightest, I think, I am allowed to be sad.

as a Shawol, especially after Onew's scandal 3 months ago, all I've been thinking about is seeing SHINee as 5.

it's all I know. SHINee is not SHINee if one member missing.

I don't remember a SHINee concert without Jonghyun. maybe he did miss a couple during his recovery from his car accident. that was like way back when he still drives his Kia Sonata? way before he bought that Lambogini. I'm not in the mood to Google actual year.

anyway, pokoknya, kalau ada SHINee concert, mestilah ada Jonghyun. he the main vocalist!

I wonder what will happened to SHINee Dome Concerts in Japan, February 2018.

SMEnt has cancelled all SM artist event since 18th Dec night. 

19th Dec is the start of the funeral service and i think it will end on 21st Dec.

i think it's fitting SHINee member to be his chief mourners; Jonghyun been telling the public that SHINee is his family.

sigh.

No, I have not cry. while I'm awake.

I dread seeing the other 4 members on the 21st Dec.

. . .

my sources are mostly from IG posts. Images screetshot by me, cropped with the IG account name that posted it.

what made my stomach churned, when I see Jonghyun's wiki page was already updated with his death date, like way before SM Statement was released.

one last screenshot. read the caption.

It's what I hoped for too but, I think he didn't want to fight anymore. 
there's also a part of me that say he didn't want to be saved.


This is all still so unreal to me.


. . .

Tell Me What To Do

In lights of recent event - part 3

So, third and final part of this 'cOnew buka instagram' posts.

this third one revolve around Onew's Nobita dp.

LOL!
i told you once and I'm telling you again, 
never give Shawol a reason to evolve. coz they would do just that.
made my day and night these posts of edited pictures!
trust Shawol to go crazy from just one DP.
hahaha

. . .

In lights of recent event - Part 2

So, Onew opened an Instagram account with a very unusual name (more like weird name).

and Shawol, being the detective that they are, were able to decipher his profile name within the hour.

some even included his Twitter's name too. (see above)

I guess Shawol are geniuses too. LOL and I knew Onew did that on purpose to amuse his fan. His fan service is on point. *thumbs up*

although, some kept insisting that it was just his sangtae. 

I can not disagree to that hahaha.

. . .

Here come the ... spam

sorta.

hahah I told myself that I wouldn't be looking for fancams and I didn't.
Not really.
I was actually looking for a video showing the 'ocean color' during this song but found this video instead. 



cr: Kpop Boygroup 

I was surprise the boys didn't cry coz I did. I mean, argh. Shawol is awesome. 

I saw first the still image of the ocean 

and moments later i saw someone posted a video showing the ocean changed colors (Onew:Green, Jonghyun: Red, Key: Pink, Minho:Blue and Taemin: Yellow. it has been their color to indicate themselves since the 1st SHINee World concert) according to who sang during that song. It was such an amazing feeling. I would have cried a river if I was actually there. 

too bad I wasn't but I still cried. LOL

I am such a cry baby these days. and that reminds me of Usagi a.k.a Sailormoon. hahah

ah well.. point of this post is that, shawol is awesome. I couldn't find the video. maybe I Googled it wrong, I don't know. 
I guess I need to give this some times, coz let's face it, they need time to properly upload their precious fancams for us, not so lucky Shawol, to watch and leave reviews.

for now, enjoy SHINee singing live at Tokyo Dome. ;)

edited after browsing IG some more and came across explanation from urg yg actually went to the concert.

as it turned out, the Special Edition watch light memang especially design to change colors during performance. patut pun drg inda nangis. mcm, it's been planned/prepared/designed/pokoknya drg tau sudah lah. LOL ah well..feelings gone~

touch tah apa ku dsana atu...hahaha 
. . .

in honor of ...

So second day of SHINee I'm Your Boy Live Tokyo Dome edition

I did this.

hahahah

I know. the ugliest of nails you've ever seen. and I am sorry that you can't unseen this.

muahahah

well, at least, I had fun. and no, I am not going to try and attempt this again anytime soon. 
too much work. too much detail. and I just don't have the patient to.

BUTT

you can go IG and search @yagala (the one that says 'Galina' in the profile section) account for more amazing nail arts. Like, forrrrrreaaaalllll.

I would love to go and watch fancam now, but I don't think my heart can take it.

. . .

Comments

 

People are complaining about Key not having so many lines in SHINee songs
but people forgot about Minho.

Minho been given lesser than Key, I think. Coz Minho mostly just rap while Key both rap AND sing in one song. So, Locket should complaint less.

anyway, ever since their Japanese debut, I feel like everybody in SHINee were given lines equally. Let's not argue about Onew and Jonghyun having more lines now coz lets face it, they are the main vocals of the group.

A/N: I love Key's voice though. don't get me wrong. HECK I LOVE SHINee AS A WHOLE! SO SHUT IT! 

. . .

Kim Jonghyun part 2

In the middle of planning this post, I suddenly feel guilty.
I didn't bother doing this kind of 'promotion' for the other two SHINee members who had debuted as solos; Key and Taemin.

I guess, I didn't hate Jonghyun as much as I thought. hahaha besides, he promote himself well on his Twitter and IG account. (Yes, 'himself'. he fanboyed over himself like mad ever since the news about him doing a solo came out)

this post is mostly about me posting out images I 'screenshot' that I find very funny and completely obnoxious of Jonghyun. hahaha

So, here goes.

keymkeybum comments is like on the dot and sad.very very sad. LOL

 but then he became human (hahah) and thank everyone.

and then on the 8th Jan (i think) he had his Showcase which someone posted something I can really relate.

hahaha deep.

these are a couple of extracts of interviews which had many Shawols aww-ing.

and a fan comment

Minho and Taemin was there. I don't know where Key was. Onew was in Singapore with SuJu's leader Leeteuk.

He's a very sweet person to be thanking people non-stop like that. you should've seen my newsfeed. it's flooded with his obnoxiousness and humbleness. I didn't even know those two can be combine in one sentence! That's just Jonghyun for you. our Bling Bling Jonghyun.

 

I hope I can catch his performance on Music Bank live next week. I wanna see his obnoxious face. live. 

LOL

I can't wait for my copy of the album to arrive. Not exactly kan listen to the song. just. looking forward to the photos. 

BAHAHAHA!

ok bye.

A/N: it's been a while since I last fangirling over Kpop. this is fun. xD

. . .

Kim Jonghyun

 
So this dino (somehow people been calling him puppy too. Like, puppy is cute, and he is hawt! like he should be a beast. sexxaayyhhh beast) will be releasing an album soon.
called Base. 
and his Base symbol is similar to Taemin's Ace symbol.

Shawol had gone beserk (in a good way) and creative.

 there's another one that I didn't include above (the above is collaged by me btw). it's rude but SUPER FUNNY at the same time. especially when the caption reads: WHO DID THIS?!

midnight 7th Jan and 8th Jan, SM had released two songs from his mini album; Deja-Boo and Love Belt.

I fell in love with Deja-Boo right away.

I used to think that, if ever he was to release an album, I don't think I'm gonna like it much. I've listened to his composition on SHINee One Fine Day and I don't know. Just ain't my style, I guess. His type of song with his voice is just too much for me. Please don't hate me for having an opinion.

SOOO, I was a tad bit surprise that i took a liking in Deja-Boo.been repeating the song a lot of times now. hahah

BUTT

I listened to Love Belt the morning after it was released. the song features Younha (I have no idea who she is. Sorry for being ignorant to other part of Korean music scene :P) and sekali saja ku dangar.

The song reminds me of Jonghyun's song with IU, Gloomy Clock. 
Note: reminds me of. NOT similar. There's a different.

When I said reminds me of, I meant Jonghyun's way of singing/using his voice like a whisper. He had that voice in both songs. No, it's not that it's not beautiful. I'm just not digging it. :S Sorry Jongie.

I missed Music Bank on KBS yesterday. he performed Deja-Boo and his title track, Crazy there. I haven't watch the performance yet.
and I saw on IG people been posting his performance of Hallelujah (another song from his mini-album) on today's Music Core along with Crazy. (also haven't watch that performance)
I'll try and watch them all tonight (if aku rajin).

I've also pre-ordered his album and I hope his poster will be shirtless.
It would be the only poster I hang on my wall if it is a poster of him shirtless.

BAHAHAHA

A/N: Noona Loves yuuuhhhhh

second A/N: all images credit goes to respective owners. I'm just sharing the love people! *air kiss*

another note: MV is already out. so check it out. its RATE18+ btw. Parental Guidance is Advised.



Not digging the song tho >~< once again, Sorry Jongie. Hmm.. turns out his style is not mine after all. LUCKY this video is made. hahaha

. . .

Collections cShawol

Shawol at Heart lah kononnya.

So, been trying to collect SHINee World Theme Color; I don't know which one but Pearl Aqua Green/Pearl Aqua. sekali imbas, If i want to be a boy, dua2 light-blue-towards-greenish-color plang tu. LOL

read this article here, very interesting read. and she was right, SHINee never called their Shawol by colors like how Super Junior often called ELF, 'Sapphire Blue'.

So, my collection so far are these four items; Phone Casing, Ruler (yes, a ruler. Don't ask. obsess fan alert) and a name tag/pin. 

eh. salah picture. (esen ku, aku kn show off gambar future husband ku wawawawa)

see below please

wait, just three?? Pandai mengira inda cAz ani? LOL! Three it is! 

I hope to expand this collections. maybe turned it into my favorite color one day!

Well, inda lah kali but who knows man. Maybe if I bought enough stuff in that color, maybe it will become my favs. xD we'll see.

Next one I want to be is that Light Stick. the one from Japan Arena Tour. 

harga ebay and harga arah kadai dMall atu kurang labih jua. I hope alum akan bali. :S

. . .

Fandom

I don't know about other fandom (I used to know about ELFs but I am way outdated now, so, yeah..I don't know about other fandom) but Shawols are a little, CRAYZEYH!

why?

well..because of these two recent edit that I found;

Like, I am sorry Kim Jonghyun, I couldn't protect yuuhh. BAHAHAHAHA

and Lee Jinki, well, crazy as it this edit may seem, IF aku ni awesome meng-edit2, I would've done the same thing. 

hahaha chu~ <3 span="">

banyak plang lagi but ani saja yg aku ada save.

A/N: Edit like these made my day!


. . .