Too Soon

there are two things that I find too soon for me;

1. to read Five Days Left by Julie Lawson Timmer

2. to watch Along with the Gods : The Two Worlds

the book was too raw for me coz I tried to baca on early Jan. but by the beginning of chapter 3, I can not take it and stopped.
the story was about a woman sick with cancer and planned to take her own life at her own term. Instead of waiting for the cancer to claim her life, she decided to take her own life before the cancer did.
the part yg made me felt a lump in my throat was when she set the date of when she's going to take her life.
I feel like Jonghyun was like that too. He already set a date. there was excert from an interview where he said he wanted to rest in Dec/2017 no matter what. I just thought, as I read that book first chapter, "he planned it"
there was that security guard punya witness account about what Jonghyun was doing in the last moment at the apartment he rented; he was driving fast and making lots of noise with his car. a fan said he was contemplating. He must've had second thoughts. sigh
every time I thought if this, there are lots of "if only"

The Two Worlds was a lot tougher to handle but I get thru it. (Pasal liat diwayang. nothing else I can do but watch sampai habis LOL)
this one lagi dashyat. my heart skipped a bit part the funeral scene.
as we know, I have read a lot of article during/after Jonghyun's funeral.
Part yg aku feel was when the movie's main character's mother sat in front of her son potrait and then there was an annoucement about putting the body into the casket.
during Jonghyun's, a post said his was done privately in the presence of  his loved ones.
So, from reading to watching and hearing an enactment of that scene is hard.
I shed a tear towards the end of the movie. bukan nangis berabis. just shed a tear. LOLbut really ut was mostly becoz I was so emerse in that movie. argh! no wonder it become 2nd highest grossing Korean movie. thumbs up

I finally understand when people posted warnings before continue reading a post.

I felt a lump in my throat and my hear skipped a beat from the above. I'm sure others might be a lot more emotional and will be triggered easily.

Some still need to time to heal

I don't know if I am healed or apa, but like i once said, you can never get over a death of your love ones, you just learn to cope and move on.

. . .

Composed on: 15th Feb 2018
Edited on: 14th Mar 2018

1. finished reading Five Days Left (read most of the book on 3rd and 4th Mar, and finished the rest on 9th Mar) and boy that was tough! I kept catching my breath at some parts. I kept wondering if that was what went thru Jonghyun's head. Like, he kept having second thoughts but certain things happened and his decision became more resolute.
2. Life goes on.

Hannah Montana 2.016

I thought I've watched the entire Hannah Montana series.

turns out, I only watch up until half way thru season 3 (HM has four seasons).

So, since the 2nd night of Raya until the 3rd night, I've been watching Season 4 (called Hannah Montana Forever) and I was hit with a realization that I know all the HMF songs (coz I bought the OST album) but never actually watch the episodes.

Google is such a good bestfriend at this time of need. ٩◔‿◔۶


I was almost teary for the final episode, Actually, season 4 is really very touchy from start to finish. 
Coz, it's the final season atu kali. 
plus, it's when Miley started to realize that she can't have the best of both world at the same time anymore. and everything just went from a tear falling to crying buckets moment after that (no actually tears were harm. I just have a lot of feels).


I'll Always Remember You (the most elaborate flashback/reminiscing clip in history. EVER)


Wherever I Go (awesome fanmade clips)



I shall rerun the entire series soon. 

for now, I should get some shut eyes.

it's been a looonnngggg day.

. . .

4 things I hate

(the ones yg i can think of right now)

1. EMPTY DEBATES (I've hated this for ages!).
it's when people starts debating about something they don't know about. or when they only have very small knowledge about. or when their knowledge of the said matter matter is only from back in dinosaur era. 
I am not that smart nor am I that knowledgeable about all matters but at least I won't fight/debate empty.

2. touching/holding Gadgets during meal time/outing.
I hate it. masa ani tah tani kan share those knowledge about life so you wont have to debate empty, share opinions that matters, or just to really listen to our beloved. believe me, you wont die when you just put your phone away. 

3. Barang damit, jadi basar.
I mean, come on. something so patty and you make it that big of a deal? how patty are you? sadang sadang dude!

4. Becali inda betempat.
I understand jokes and I admire people with the sense of humor. BUT mun time serious pun kn beibun, baik tah. Know your time and place.


A/N: I know. two personal post in such a short time? it must be that time of the month. LOL
or maybe human being just pissed me off easy.

. . .

Really?

Did you ever get told off for not wanting to go to a Wedding functions?

I did.

and I often said to my mom, 'Bukannya drg kenal aku punn'.
and my mom would be all, 'pasal kamu jarang mengaga urg' and bla bla bla..

-.-

I am confident to say that among my siblings, I'm the only one yg selalu ikut functions.  but ironically, people only ever remembered my older sister and sometimes my older brother. Mcm, hellew~ masa anak mu number (ke berapa kh?) kawin, aku ganya yg mama ku bawa? nama ku Ajeerah. anak no. 3? ring any bell?

So, I don't get it.

I dun think the concept is right anyway; 'krg kamu kawin nada urg mengaga' if we inda mengaga urg kawin.

because, for example, my sister. She hardly ever go to any wedding functions in her life but during her wedding, bukan lagi panuh kem, sampai inda kan cukup bah kem/tempat duduk/makanan.

So, I think, it's not the anak yg kana count when it comes to attending wedding functions. it's actually our parents.
My mom rajin mengaga urang kawin ani. I'm pretty sure pasal atu ramai urg membalas balik during cKaka tu kawin.

therefore, can I be excuse from attending anymore weddings?

I don't like it.

esp when people started going on about 'Ko bila lagi?' -.-

Honestly, I am fine being single. why do you have to make it look bad that aku balum kawin lagi?

Don't give me bullshit about not having a topic for a conversation. there are plenty of topics to choose from. kenapa mesti 'Ko bila lagi'?

Really, one of these days, I'm gonna start that 'Kita bila lagi?' at a funeral. ahahahaha  See how they'll feel about it.

. . .

Harry Potter.

I know

what you're thinking, 'Harry Potter sja jua anak ni".

Well, I can't help it, ok? Or maybe I can but I. Am. Weak.

LOL!

Since last month, I've been rereading my Harry Potter novels; Order of the Phoenix, Half-Blood Prince and the Deathly Hallows. 

Just now I finished the Philosopher's Stone.

and now I'm about to start with the Chamber of Secrets.

I don't know.

maybe I just feel like I need to do something at this moment. Well, I'm supposed to be doing something else but I'm demotivated. So, here I am, reminiscing the good books of JK Rowling.

or maybe, I just wana be taken away from the real world and into a fantasy. 

or maybe because it stops me from "over-thinking" for awhile.

So, I don't know. 

Reading helps.

a/n: it's saturday night and I'm being boring. *ketawa*

. . .

Hellew

heard this last few weeks (or maybe even last month)

"You ruined me and I settle for less" - unknown (coz I'm not sure if it's from a movie or a song I first heard it from)

and I thought, and nodded, "banar tu".

Skali, while I was 'menjamur' laundry tadi, it came to me. 

No, that's not 'banar'. Not in my case any way.

My heart was trampled on so bad that I have lost trust in men completely. that's not settling for less, is it?

The one that approaches me after that reminded me so much of him (that they would trampled on my heart too). that's not settling for less. 

I know I have crushes (YES plural) but that's just it. crushes (from a far).
I may have dreamt about them being this so called Prince Charming that every girl wishes to have but again, it's just a dream.

I may have settled for him(1) if ever he's going to notice me.

or

him(2) if he doesn't have a girlfriend already.

My life is full of 'might have' right now. I would approach either men but then what would become of my dignity/pride/ego?

sigh. odd possibilities.

ok, what's this post becoming into? ahahaha

ah, well.. point is, I don't settle for less. and that Quote is not for me.

coz, if it is, I would be dating some lowly, scumbags, who I have to take care of by now. when in reality, I need someone to take care of me for once. coz I think I'm getting tired of taking care of everybody else but me. seriously.


. . .

Movies

halo

it's been a while kn aku review movies.

it's not too late to start again. hehe

1st Dec.
watched Ombak Rindu with cFaizah.


I was all, 'argh' 'puhlease' msa awal2, but as the movie went on, aku jadi emosi da.. -__- ahaha aku masih ingat2 lupa part yg aku kn menangis atu..though I'm pretty sure it was that part yg cHarris ckp ya gantung cIzzah. tapi aku tahan air mata ku, control cool lah tu..LOL! wth..
p yg scene cIzzah and cMila girl talk atu cali berabis lah..kn kami msa tu liat sma colleagues kmi, yatah ia ani penyeluru..ketawa ku smpi kluar air mata wah! ahahaha psl apa tu nah? 'R' cMila...ahahah oh my gawd..tulah ni krg...
anyhoo, overall, ok lah movie ani. I know aku pernah bca dulu (zaman2 highschool) tapi lupa banar ku. tym liat movie atu, satu pun nada ku tclick..*shrugged* B lah ku bagi..



10th Dec.
watched Arthur Christmas wit cSimah.


AWESOME!!
I know ceta nya tu kiut and cali. p ikut kn ati ku, inda plang ku kn meliat dwyg. kn nunggu DVD sja. but lucky I did.
part yg cali; awal2 movie atu and it was not even about the movie. ada urg dblakang kami atu, dgn confidentnya menyabut 'Ardam' msa word 'Aardman' appeared rh screen atu..ahahaah!
part yg AWESOME; Elfs nya mcm army. cool! ^.^V
part yg kluar air mata; final scene, cArthur hugged bapanya and what he said there.

A!! just becoz...LOL! no lah..psl aku bnr2 nangis ujung2 atu..menghayati berabis dh ku tu movie ah..Elf nya lagi kiut.

i know I've watched alot more before these two tapi..biar lah..i don't really remember aku punya reaction msa liat movie2 atu..

. . .