Strong Woman

Hi guys.

I am definitely procrastinating. was composing my post regarding my make-up journey and then, got side tracked and here we are.

I came across a diary entry where I was talking about being strongly opinionated person. I've always been aware of this personality thread of mine but only tonight that I found out what it really means.

At first I feel bad when I see the word 'conceited' but when I scrolled down, I like that it mentions 'decisive' and 'can still be open-minded' which is definitely me. coz yeah, I will debate with you with points that I believe in and make you believe in them too but if you brought your case up with valid points, I'm sure I can have second thoughts. Empty debates are no welcome in my bubble. and when I said 'I can have second thoughts' does not mean I'm going to change my mind on what I believe in. that second thoughts are just options for me.

SOOOOO

when I saw this post

I know it was meant for me.

First of all, it was ironic that they posted this. Coz the post is talking about talking face to face when you have a problem instead of listening to a third party who might be 'poison'.
Like, 🙄 you know what you should do? Text me directly instead of posting that on social media.

Second of all, THE👏AU👏DA👏CI👏TY👏
You think other people 'poison' my judgement? I am my own person 👏 My opinion, my decision, and my 👏 entire 👏 well 👏 being 👏 IS 👏 MY 👏 OWN👏

So,

Instead of blaming other people on why I'm being like this, MAYBE, just maybe, look upon yourself? Find the answer there somewhere.

. . . .

I know, this escalate quickly. LOL but yeah, out of my system. so moving on.

Betrayed

Hi guys!

Another quick post.

Today I wanna talk about Sulli, a former f(x) member.

I know, shocking. She was never my favorite but when she was in f(x), I cheered for her too by default coz f(x) is my fav girl group.
until~ she decided to leave f(x) to pursue acting. 🙄

I only ever know she acted in one movie after she left f(x) and that movie wasn't well received. I also think she was in one historical kdrama but I don't know what become of that. 
Mostly, I saw her in mainstream online kpop media coverage over some 'inappropriate' posting on her personal IG (this part, I'm on her side: it's her Instagram and her life, she has all the rights to do what ever she wants) and being featured in/on magazines.

So, when SM announced last week that Sulli will be releasing a song, I rolled my eyes so hard that I fear you will see my whites from then on. LOL I was so annoyed and hating. dah tah aku memang anti kedia when she left f(x), telling people she wanted to act but barely doing any acting, and now, she's releasing a song?!

I feel the same way I did when Brian, former member of Westlife, left the group then not even a year later, releasing a song as a solo artist; Betrayed.

You ARE a singer when you were in the group. I 👏 JUST 👏 DON'T 👏 GET 👏 WHY 👏 YOU 👏 HAVE 👏 TO 👏 LEAVE 👏 IF 👏 YOU 👏 GONNA 👏 END 👏 UP 👏 BEING 👏 A 👏 SINGER 👏 STILL 👏

Ok, lah, lemme justify their actiona:

• maybe they weren't treated right
• maybe they wanted more say in what they can do artistically
• maybe they always wanted to be a solo artist

sigh

Just becoz I tried to be more understanding, doesn't mean I can't still resent them.

I mean, they left! and for some reason, that separation ends the group!

Ok lah..grateful each remaining members, both Westlife and f(x), ended up doing solo thing successfully, meaning we still get to see them around the entertainment industry. 

and let's not forget, currently Westlife is doing a world tour after almost a decade of disbandment. Maybe the same thing will happen to f(x) too? Lets us hope so.

as much as I resent Sulli, I'm curious about her solo. I wonder what kind of genre her song will be.




GASP! DID I JUST PROMOTE HER?!

. . .

I'm only human

I can hold my breath
I can bite my tongue
I can stay awake for days

If that's what you want

I can fake a smile
I can force a laugh

If that's what you ask
Give you all I am

I can do it

But I'm only human 
and I bleed when I fall down
I'm only human
I crash and I break down

I can turn it on
Be a good machine
I can hold the weight of the world
If that's what you need

I can do it

But I'm only human

Just a little human

I can take so much

Until I've had enough

. . .

from the song Human by Christina Perri.

I'm just independent

I think that I am an independent woman.

I'm so used to being single that I wonder if that's the reason why I don't bother 'looking'.

I'm happier making my own choice even after I ask others for theirs. coz let's face it, when we were face with a certain crossroads and was about to make a choice, we already chose a road but to make sure that we chose the right one, we asked others for their opinions. and more often than not, we still choose the one we already chose in the beginning. 

Kan?

the main point of this post, 
this book.

I bought this a long time ago. i think i was still in high school when I had it. 

It must've been funny back then but I don't see it now. reading it again, i was annoyed.
macam, how desperate can we, women, be? 
the author of this book is a woman btw.
I know it was meant to be a joke/funny book.
I just don't see it now after experiencing so much shit. 

this goes back to the top; we don't need to be so desperate to get the guy/man we (thought we) love. Our lives don't depend on them. Not when they're such douchebags. I just believe that when you pour your heart out to the guy/man that you (thought you) love and they run the miles, they definitely not worth the chase. Coz from my sad (and stupid) experience, most guys/men just love the chase. That's why we women better stop chasing.
BUT
when you finally stop and realize how stupid you've been and he finally came running back to you
REMEMBER
NOT to give in easy and accept him back to your life.

I don't know about those love stories circling about the universe
but what happened to me was the guy came back only to see if he still have that 'power' over me. coz apparently his the type of guy JUST GOTTA cheat on his woman.
-_-
macam, get over yourselves, man.
Pastu, the other one kept hinting about shit but when I was about to give him the chance, rupanya sama jua, 'testing power' as my cousins put it and he actually got engaged to another woman.
-_-
macam, the fck, man.

this is too personal but I guess it's time to share this horrid 'love' story of mine
and maybe answer people's question as to why I'm still single.

Simpler answer? I DON'T TRUST MEN. 
I know i've been hurt only (maybe seriously) a couple of times in this life time tapi they run deep. 
Plus, from my work place, I heard and seen a lot of 'cheating'. It scares me just what the world is turning into.
I know not all men are like that but a lot of them are so I can't help but feel like they can't really be trusted.
I used to tell myself that if the man is brave enough to approach me, he's worth it.
But after those two, no, they are not worth it.
mikin berani drg approach you, mikin kuat lah 'skill' nya.

hahaha macam sikit lagi feminist post ani. tapi it's not. not really.

Lucky I still belief in 'the one' and the one for me is out there. 
just maybe not here in Brunei?

LOL

ah well, I've written down a little portion of my heart today andddddd I'm not gona reread this. 

Well said, FreshPrince, well said.

. . .

Harry Potter.

I know

what you're thinking, 'Harry Potter sja jua anak ni".

Well, I can't help it, ok? Or maybe I can but I. Am. Weak.

LOL!

Since last month, I've been rereading my Harry Potter novels; Order of the Phoenix, Half-Blood Prince and the Deathly Hallows. 

Just now I finished the Philosopher's Stone.

and now I'm about to start with the Chamber of Secrets.

I don't know.

maybe I just feel like I need to do something at this moment. Well, I'm supposed to be doing something else but I'm demotivated. So, here I am, reminiscing the good books of JK Rowling.

or maybe, I just wana be taken away from the real world and into a fantasy. 

or maybe because it stops me from "over-thinking" for awhile.

So, I don't know. 

Reading helps.

a/n: it's saturday night and I'm being boring. *ketawa*

. . .

Positivity

A lot has happened in the course of two days.

all i can do now is Tawaqaltuallah. 

ada hikmah dsebalik semua ani.

bersabar lah hati.

Tomorrow's a new day.

be positive.

. . .