Biligual Problem

I finally Google the opposite of Lazy.

and I am disappointed. 

I mean, I duno what I was expecting but definitely not 'active' or 'energetic'. I expect too much.

Kan dalam bahasa melayu, Malas (lazy) tu, oppositenya, Rajin. and Rajin is not active nor energetic. I don't think. 🤔

Wait, lets Google translater Malay to English. 

SEE!? its not active nor energetic!

but in the sentence 'Do your due diligent' isn't talking about kerajinan. it's more of doing your assigned job with correct procedures or steps.

Then I went a little further:

I thought 'Tekun' is Focus.

I guess not.

Then, I checked Focus.

but isn't 'Fokus' is just English word spelled in Malay?  

I tried Concentrate lagi. coz to concentrate is to focus, right?  

whaaaaaa 😲

Ok. enough. 

Point is, I don't know English as well as I thought. 😅

#bilingualproblem You know the word but you aren't able to explain it.

I have a headache.

 . . .

Aging like a fine wine?

Hi guys!

first of, Happy 11th Anniversary to SHINee 🎉🎉🎉

second of all, in light of anniversary topic, I decided to discuss something related to how I'm aging. since you know, anniversary means another year past and another year you're growing older.

I went window shopping with my mom last week at Rimba Point. My mom wanted to check some ready made baju for Raya.
As we walked around, we came across a socks stall. I never knew that I was but I. LOVE. SOCKS. especially the cute printed ones. and you wouldn't believe how the socks game had been stepping up these past few years! *cough* kpop *cough*
the pricing is 1 for $5 and 3 for $12.
My mom got interested and I asked her to pick which one she likes as I went and choose mine. Ten guesses which one I choose.

I picked the one with the fries print first and my mom was, "inda kan katun". I stopped for a minute and replied, "why not?" while in my head I was thinking, what's wrong with picking such cute socks? they're just socks and no one really sees them. Is she calling me out for picking a socks that is not my age appropriate? Yes, I was so defensive by her comment.
but soon after that, I thought, maybe she thought i was picking a socks for her. LOL No, mam. this cute socks is for me. since, you know, 3 for $12.

From the above story, I was reminded of a story not too long time ago.

I was going out with c Zawir and he somewhat say the same thing, "macam kanak-kanak" in regards to a fashion choice I made. We were window shopping too at that time. I think.
I forgot what it was but I remember thinking, "so my outfit today is childish lah" or something along the line "I'm not dressing according to my age?"

Hmmm..i think it was about a shoe pick. I really could not remember.

So,

I'm 31, becoming 32 this year.

it's not like I don't want to dress my age or appropriate to my age but

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WORK IT TOOK TO DRESS DECENT?

I mean, i do try to dress nicely for work. Yes, I prefer wearing pants most of the time coz they make me feel skinnier than I actually am LOL.

but for weekends? I prefer to dress comfortably.

As far as I know, I do dress appropriately. I mean, have you seen these famos women? 

they are definitely much older than me and you're telling me I can't rock my dope white shoes?

What do you think? too much?

I mean, i feel like it is too much since I don't wear that on a daily basis. LOL but look at me, don't I owned that look?!

Hmmm..I don't know. I think my feelings got hurt. Not because people criticize my fashion choice but because people criticize my fashion choice.
you feel me?
I mentioned this a lot, everybody is different.
Yeah~ I did judged the two women every time I came across their IG post on my explore page wearing something "cool" but soon after, I would be thinking, "if a 'mom' can pull that off amazingly, I most definitely can too", you know, turned that negative judging ass of mine into a positive motivational thing instead.

Lagipun, what is age appropriate outfit for my age?
Am I not supposed to wear "cool" outfit?
or is it my size? That a size like me shouldn't be wearing that kind of outfit?
Is wearing a concert merchandise sweater not age appropriate?
Is wearing colorful socks not age appropriate? in what way?

Besides (this is just another way of saying 'Lagipun' without being repetitive LOL!), I'm 31 going 32. I'm not that old.

and I one hundo persen (100%) refused to dress like I'm an old lady.
why?
Because you only as old as you feel.
and I'm don't feel like I'm old yet.

True, I realized that I am growing old whenever I feel sleepy at an unappropriated time. coz apparently getting to bed early is an age factor.
but still, I don't feel like I'm 60 years old and must dress like a grandma.

As unfashionable as I am, I do want to dress 'my age'; whatever that means to other people. To me, as long as I don't show my gummy tummy, or fried chicken thigh, I'm all good. and I try so hard not to dress like a mom. coz I am not a mom yet.

WHY WOULD I WANT TO DRESS LIKE I'M OLD ANYWAYS?!

Even a mom dress more nicer than me.

GASP! A thought just hit me!

IS MY FASHION CHOICE UNFLATTERING TO ME?! ARE YOU SAYING MY FASHION CHOICE IS UGLY?!

OMFG!

i'm ugly.

ok, wait. calm the fuck down.

I still think I dress decent. My choices are fine. If in the eye of other people my outfit "look too young" for "my old face" then, that's their opinion. as far as I'm concerned, I've dressed myself appropriately.

So, you can put a sock up in your opinion. you too, mom. HAHAHAH

Ok. that is enough for today's rant. On SHINee anniversary too. sorry boys, my life does not revolve around you all the time.

😂

I hope you enjoy reading.

You the MVP.

until next time,
ciao~

. . .

A/N: do you know what makes making a blog longer to compose and publish? the pictures attachment. Yes, the gambar2. Baik lagi menaip what's in your mind down ni, you can finish in a minute. but the pictures? especially when you thought of an old picture you took in the year you don't even remember? Good Luck.

Penny Thoughts

composed/edited last: 15th Apr
updated 20 Dec 6:32pm
ready to post 20 Dec 7:40pm

This draft was titled Internet and after reading and retyping everything, 
I'm just gonna title it Penny Thoughts (coz Penny For Your Thoughts)


I didn't know how to internet until I was 15.
But only becoz I don't have a complete excess to it.
I couldn't even 'search' for Westlife with whatever search engine there was back then.

I don't know where I'm going with this but bear with me, yeah?


I don't how I started, but whenever anything happened, I would recall back everything that I did before that particular happening.

For example, when bad things happened, I would go back and think of the things I did that wasn't particularly right or nice.

come to think of it, I only ever wonder of the bad things, never the good things.

Sometime I remember old memories in details and I don't like it.
It's funny how I remember them like that but can't remember the important stuff for school/work to safe my life. ๏̯͡๏

I think the reason why I remember the embarrassing part of my life the most is because God is telling me stop being so judgmental coz I'm worse. LOL

Stopped judging people who are less fortunate, like not knowing certain things, becoz you didn't know better back then too.

I think the reason why I was hard on some people is becoz their behavior now reminded me of myself back then and I don't want them to end up doing embarrassing things like I did. (◡‿◡✿)

I want people to be better than me

or, to put it simply

i hate seeing myself in other people, it's not really a pleasant thing to experience.

that is why I want you to be better than I was. than I am.

You gotta.


I was once told, me feeling bad for myself is all in my head and that no one could help me with that.

I don't think I'm even mildly a depress person but that is not something you should say to anyone. If you can't offer a word of comfort, the least you could do is to just nod and make a sympathetic expression.

what if I'm a real depress individual? what if I have suicidal tendency?



Where am I going with this? ◐.̃◐

Right

hahahaha


I'm not going anywhere with this coz I'm only trying to write down my thoughts.

😂😂

I told someone that 2 years prior (me telling her that story), I was depressed. I didn't realize that I was until it passed. When I was telling her that, I only meant how that work environment made me depressed. you know, sharing stories and shiz.
2 years later, you wanna know what I found out ? 
This person told someone else, "She's not depressed. Just seeking for attention"

and I was like, ◔̯◔ "Wow. Thanks".

I think I've talked about depression WAYYYYYYYYY before Dec 2017.

Just becoz I finally more open about it now, doesn't mean I'm going mainstream, ok?

Even if it's now mainstream, that doesn't mean it's any less real to the real sufferer.

Sigh.

I think, with everything that's been going on, it's coming back.

I'm scared that I'm losing it.

Which is why I'm trying to busy myself with so many things.

It's driving me nuts.


For months now, my head has been railing with so many thoughts. 

I mean it always has been but now it's overwhelming.

I feel myself feeling overwhelm by it.


the FAQs include;

Why I feel stagnant?

Why everything I do doesn't seem to be right?

Why is everyone so annoying?

Why can't I stand up?

Why am I not getting any better?


They say I will get over this, there'll be a better day, grass is just as green on this side, time heals all wounds, this too will passed.


But all I want is for it to pass now.

. . .

Too Soon

there are two things that I find too soon for me;

1. to read Five Days Left by Julie Lawson Timmer

2. to watch Along with the Gods : The Two Worlds

the book was too raw for me coz I tried to baca on early Jan. but by the beginning of chapter 3, I can not take it and stopped.
the story was about a woman sick with cancer and planned to take her own life at her own term. Instead of waiting for the cancer to claim her life, she decided to take her own life before the cancer did.
the part yg made me felt a lump in my throat was when she set the date of when she's going to take her life.
I feel like Jonghyun was like that too. He already set a date. there was excert from an interview where he said he wanted to rest in Dec/2017 no matter what. I just thought, as I read that book first chapter, "he planned it"
there was that security guard punya witness account about what Jonghyun was doing in the last moment at the apartment he rented; he was driving fast and making lots of noise with his car. a fan said he was contemplating. He must've had second thoughts. sigh
every time I thought if this, there are lots of "if only"

The Two Worlds was a lot tougher to handle but I get thru it. (Pasal liat diwayang. nothing else I can do but watch sampai habis LOL)
this one lagi dashyat. my heart skipped a bit part the funeral scene.
as we know, I have read a lot of article during/after Jonghyun's funeral.
Part yg aku feel was when the movie's main character's mother sat in front of her son potrait and then there was an annoucement about putting the body into the casket.
during Jonghyun's, a post said his was done privately in the presence of  his loved ones.
So, from reading to watching and hearing an enactment of that scene is hard.
I shed a tear towards the end of the movie. bukan nangis berabis. just shed a tear. LOLbut really ut was mostly becoz I was so emerse in that movie. argh! no wonder it become 2nd highest grossing Korean movie. thumbs up

I finally understand when people posted warnings before continue reading a post.

I felt a lump in my throat and my hear skipped a beat from the above. I'm sure others might be a lot more emotional and will be triggered easily.

Some still need to time to heal

I don't know if I am healed or apa, but like i once said, you can never get over a death of your love ones, you just learn to cope and move on.

. . .

Composed on: 15th Feb 2018
Edited on: 14th Mar 2018

1. finished reading Five Days Left (read most of the book on 3rd and 4th Mar, and finished the rest on 9th Mar) and boy that was tough! I kept catching my breath at some parts. I kept wondering if that was what went thru Jonghyun's head. Like, he kept having second thoughts but certain things happened and his decision became more resolute.
2. Life goes on.

Lindsay Lohan

this is a scheduled post.
(as many of my posts have been muahahah)

. . .

So, I was just watching an interview video of Lindsay Lohan from facebook and it was really interesting.




the topic that she was talking/discussed about is another matter

but what was interesting to me is the way she conveyed them.

The way she chooses her words and how very collected or knowledgeable of her to be able to convey what she wanted to say.

the way she acknowledged her past and refuses to talk more or dwell on it, shows how grown she has become.

I'm a fan of her work (and I don't really follow her 'dark' period) and seeing her in that interview makes me proud of her.
Not that I know her on a personal level, but because - womenhood. 
I think I'm in that phase of trying to find myself and what I like doing. Seeing that Ms. Lohan here is half-way there finding herself makes me feel that I have a chance too. 
I mean, her hardship was highly publicized! if she can raise up from that, why can't I?

She's another one of my inspiration today.

Here's another interview with Ellen.



a/n: some may say that she maybe faking this and is scripted. well, what do you know about hardship/mentallydepressed/onyourown ?

. . .

8th of Aug (the throwbacks)

started this post at 11:57pm

LOL

if that's not procrastination at its best, I duno what is

Let's get right into it

1. in 2009
I titled a blog 'Aku Masih Torn'
and damn was i vague?!
I read the entire post and all I see was me talking non-sense about SuJu and ended the post with something along the line "I'm sooooo torn"
Like, what are you so torn about, woman?!
I might have to open my diary to know what exactly was I was so torn about

2. in 2010
I watched the real-life movie of Avatar: The Last Airbender
boy, was I disappointed. LOL
I guess that's what happened when you love the cartoon/anime so much and had too much expectation on the movie.

I didn't post anything on 8th Aug of 2011 till 2014

3. in 2015
I was ( or did I finished) watching the historical theme korean drama, Maid.
starring Jung YuMi

jjang!

I noticed in some years, I posted a lot in August. 
Like, it was a special month of something.
Special month meaning me being so motivated to post something hahaha

I should be more excited in September! coz you know, my getting old day.

anyway,

here's a song for you to enjoy coz I was listening to it while I was making this



Girls' Generation - Sailing or  그 여름 (0805)

the mv was so nostalgic and I learned that the lyric was written by Sooyoung. *applause*

So that is all for tonight.
I should be in bed like, tadi *ketawa* but yeah..

I see you in my next post

. . .

Girl Power

Hello 
before we proceed with our main topic,
some other 'net' topics worth mentioning;

1. First of May most posted:

"It's gonna be May"

2. Fourth of May most posted:

"May the Fourth be with you"

it's 5th of May now and I know, 'ko terlambat roy~' ^o^

oh well < (^^,) >

So today's choice of topic is 
(wait for it) 
Meghan Trainor.

our power lady is well known for her All About That Bass single.
a song that talks about how it's ok if you have flabby skins on you. you shouldn't be sad about it. not all men love skinny bitches, stick figure barbie doll. and it's ok to tell him to 'move along' if your 'big' size is not his type.
in Brunei my size is kinda normal but the baju yg kena sale here are always Japanese-size small. even the one yg ckp 'free size' is actualy just meant 'free size for all the small-size body'.
for a girl who is not a 'size 2' like myself, this song is like a therapy.

her next song yg I'm attracted to is Lips Are Movin
I don't know what this song really means. Maybe it means she knows his a playa and she was cautious about everything that he said to her.
this song reminds me of a certain 'org gila' who broke my heart and make the skeptic that I am today towards sweet-talker guy.

next song: Dear Future Husband.
this song is like a letter to the future husband listing down things on what he should do, what he should know about the future wife, and how the things that she wants are pretty simple.
this song makes me realize that it's ok to demand things from your future husband. I think what caught into liking this song is that part when she sang 'I never learn to cook'  ^o^
hahaha 
if a guy is allowed to list down what his 'ideal' wife should be like, than a lady can do it too.

the last and final song about this power lady; NO



the songs talk about getting a man is not a priority and it's ok to say NO.
Know what you want, when you want it and when you don't.


Now, after elaborating the meaning of selected songs of Ms Trainor,
I'm going to talk about why this particular topic is made today.

a local radio DJ was introducing this song when it made to his Top20 chart one weekend.
He was introducing her song alright but towards the end, he was talking shit.
He said something about Trainor being an 'attention seeker' with her choice of words in her lyrics even from her previous top hit songs. 
So, I'm guessing, he's not too happy when Trainor:
1. dissing skinny people, 2. dissing a playa not being faithful, 3. demanding too much out of her future husband.
hmmm...
You know I over think on a lot of things and you bet I have something to say about this DJ.
He's probably the kind who is against women being in control, who know what they want, and not afraid to speak up their mind. 
Ok, maybe 'against' is a strong word but the way he said it during that time, he made it sound like what Trainor said in her song is wrong.
So, what? Trainor should be like the rest of the other female singer yg sang about being submissive towards men? is that it?
my goodness, what era is he in? 
if this is not what he meant then he's the one yg attention seeking on air. 
or maybe I'm just pissed at how very nonconstructive his criticism was. I just taught being a DJ, you're supposed to be neutral or something that even when you're about to judge people, you need to be constructive with your words. tsk
I used to love his show (coz it plays all the latest songs mostly) but becoz of his stupid comment, I don't even like it when I heard his voice doing an 'iklan'

damn!
I'm not even a fanatic of Meghan Trainor to be making such long post.
I just love her songs.

do your homework before you go to work, man! don't just sprout hateful things like that. seriously. 
there's a different between attention seeking and inspirational.

Meghan Trainor is inspirational.

and you, mister DJ, you're the kind of person she made the song about.

. . .

Singapore Trip part 2

Day 2.

We woke up early and quite easily on day 2.
Why?
Because it's Universal Studio Day!!!

and it was Onew's socks day too! xD

the theme park actually opens at 10:30am but since we haven't purchase the tickets, we need to go to the counter at 8:30am when it opens. which was what we did. We woke up at maybe 6:30am, got ready and left our hotel by 7:30(ish)am.

Happy faces.

After we bought the tickets, we waited around Vivo City like lost puppies (it was too early. kadai pun alum buka except for McD at which we had our breakfast :D It was McD kinda trip).

And before we know it, we were excitedly queuing to Enter by 10:30am.

(had to cover my cute tummy wehwehwehweh)

 
the excitement was overwhelming, like you want to play everything all at once. hahah but of course, we took it once step at a time. We split up; i went with Zawir and Bazilah went with her nephew.

Here are some of the pictures I took after each game I played or each ride I took. how ever you want to phrase it. (I am just too lazy to load that many)

 TRANSFORMERS The Ride: The Ultimate 3D Battle at Sci-Fi City.

 Canopy Flyer at The Lost World (Jurassic Park)

 Dino-Soarin at at The Lost World (Jurassic Park)

 Enchanted Airways at Far Far Away (Shrek). this is a junior roller coaster ride.

 King Julien's Beach Party-Go-Round at Madagascar.

Sesame Street Spaghetti Space Chase at New York.

 Revenge of the Mummy at Ancient Egypt. This is an awesome roller coaster ride!

(note: definitely my fav part of the entire park ;D 

I grew up watching The Mummy and The Mummy Return over and over again :P)

 Treasure Hunters at Ancient Egypt.

Lights, Camera, Action! Hosted by Steven Spielberg at New York.

 this one was kinda like stumbled upon last minute. time kami kan balik.

Pinocchio at Far Far Away.

about the only Character I managed to take picture with. but at least ada.

(and somewhat related to kpop. LOL hint: f(x)'s Pinocchio)

The Rockafella at New York.

this one lagi tah by luck. When we got out of Lights, Camera, Action we heard commotion and cheered that we just had to check it out. and Lucky we did. these guys are awesome B-Boys and insanely funny. Zawir got the jis of it. LOL

a/n: I know, selfie galore. Sorry viewers. (NOT! hahaha)

We finally met up again for lunch before we continue on with few more rides and actions to see. We ate Oasis Spice Cafe. It stated in the map that they serve halal food. So, kami pun dengan kebulurnya, tarus masuk and order. the price of the food was surprisingly, normal-expensive. AND portion nya banyak berabis! hahah kami tu worried yg it'd be over our budget. but luckily, not. So, happy tummy!

Continuing on~

Zawir went into the Transformer The Ride thrice while I went in twice.
 the second time we went in, we were all four. The four of us also went in together to watch the Shrek 4-D Adventure (Bazilah's and nephew's second time) and last but not least, together we went into the Madagascar: A Crate Adventure (this ride is like a calm version of water log ride).

After that, we had some last minute shopping for souveniars and took selfies 

(of course) before finally exiting the theme park. Because we don't want to leave just yet, we stroll around the outside area, taking more pictures and lepak-ing for awhile at this sorta abandon swimming pool.

Zawir went gaga.

Our intial plan was to stay until night falls but since the park was only opened until 7pm that day, we didn't get to stay till night time. at least we stayed until closing time.

and I played most of the game! my personal aim! I wanted so much to play the big roller coaster (which I don't know the name of) because it was under maintainence. I also didn't play the Accelerator (a ride like the tea-pot thingy where it just whirled round and round). but I am still happy with my achievement to play all the rides. I missed Water World action reenactment.Bazilah and her nephew seen it.

OH! I should mention; you need to take the theme park map and entertainment schedule as you entered. 

they are a lot of help for you to make full use of your time to enjoy Universal. YOU MUST!

if on day 1 we were exhausted, it was a lot worst on day 2. We even continued shopping di Bugis Junction after we freshen up from Universal. LOL we that hardcore shopper!!


to be continued...

. . .

Books!

Reading is always fun.

been reading a few more in recent weeks. 

but somehow I was more in hurry of finishing the current books that i haven't read than actually just enjoy reading.

Oh, I do enjoyed them books that I have read, of course.

it's just feel like I have to rush it.

No one rushed me to finish it though. It's just me rushing myself.

Why?

Coz, I know I'm gonna continue buying books before I finished the ones yg I bought earlier. 

force of habits, I guess. hahaha.

the least I can do is read them, right? So it wouldn't be call 'wasting'. 

by this rate, I can fill in all my books on my new shelf at my new room nanti. 

Rushing or not I have these to read the year is up. Hopefully I can make it. 

I'll an update if I managed to finish earlier. hahaha

AzNuur, hwaiting!!

. . .

. . .