Short and Simple

I was browsing, scrolling thru my old post on this blog

and

I realized how I have (had?) two styles; 
1. short and simple, 
and 
2. long and winding.

there were no in between.

LOL

I even dared to post just words. absolutely not a single picture attached.

Impressed!

So, what changed?

What makes me so stressful about making a post?

Why do I feel like I have to explain so much when I post a certain topic?

I was in my late teens / early twenties when I started.
is it the age factor?

If its about the amount of readers I have, its not that much of a difference from back then to now.

So, what gives?

Well,

what ever it is, I would really love to try and post something in its simplest of form.

yeah, sometimes things need to be explained but I hope I don't end up posting a three-pages essay. lol


That being said, 
I just want to say, thank you for being here, lovely readers.
You have no idea how much your time spent here means to me.

. . .

Productivity

Last last weekend, I decided to delete my new Story (well, not so new) I posted on AFF (stands for Asianfanfics.com if you don't already know).

I posted this last chapter

and as you can see, I was informing my 4 subscribers that I'm deleting the story soon.

but the next morning, when I opened my AFF tab, I saw someone subscribed to my story.
I was supposed to delete it in a few hours but I posted the above late and faktor umur, I slept earlier than I planned to and had to do it the next morning.
As any writer would be, I was happy and had a second thought about deleting the story.

So,
I reread the story (the one that I already posted).

and I was surprised.
I was actually doing pretty good (if I can say so myself).
I say this because I've been telling myself that my layout or how I laid the words are crappy.
the fact that I only have 4 subscribers since I published it on 5th Apr 2015, makes me believe that I'm a crappy writer.

but as I was reading the second chapter, I thought to myself, "This is actually pretty good"
well, not JK Rowling good but you know, good enough for me and I'm actually satisfied with what I have posted.

then, I wondered, why was I so negative before?

I guess, it was the same issue that I had here, in blogspot
I was thinking too much about what other people think or how they would take this or how many comments I would get.
The fact that people are all over EXO in fanfics right now and all the older SHINee fans isn't on AFF anymore, demotivate me to continue posting my story.
the fact that I was lazy and procrastinating af isn't helping either.
I think too much about what other people think.
I should go back to being me and post what I want and how I want to.

Seriously, 
I need to take my own advise into accounts these days.
I've been EVERYWHERE.
as in, my mind isn't here nor there. same goes to my heart.
I don't know.
I need to keep it all together.
I need to get back up and be me.

In regards to my AFF story, I'm going to hide it from public views until such time when I am ready to properly commit to regularly update it.

. . .

disclaimer: I'm not saying I'm going to change straight away. this thing needs time and patient. and I'm trying. please be proud of me trying to better myself instead of judging on how I do things. As i posted once on Facebook, "Just because I'm doing it my way, doesn't mean that I'm doing it wrong"

. . .

Girl Power

Hello 
before we proceed with our main topic,
some other 'net' topics worth mentioning;

1. First of May most posted:

"It's gonna be May"

2. Fourth of May most posted:

"May the Fourth be with you"

it's 5th of May now and I know, 'ko terlambat roy~' ^o^

oh well < (^^,) >

So today's choice of topic is 
(wait for it) 
Meghan Trainor.

our power lady is well known for her All About That Bass single.
a song that talks about how it's ok if you have flabby skins on you. you shouldn't be sad about it. not all men love skinny bitches, stick figure barbie doll. and it's ok to tell him to 'move along' if your 'big' size is not his type.
in Brunei my size is kinda normal but the baju yg kena sale here are always Japanese-size small. even the one yg ckp 'free size' is actualy just meant 'free size for all the small-size body'.
for a girl who is not a 'size 2' like myself, this song is like a therapy.

her next song yg I'm attracted to is Lips Are Movin
I don't know what this song really means. Maybe it means she knows his a playa and she was cautious about everything that he said to her.
this song reminds me of a certain 'org gila' who broke my heart and make the skeptic that I am today towards sweet-talker guy.

next song: Dear Future Husband.
this song is like a letter to the future husband listing down things on what he should do, what he should know about the future wife, and how the things that she wants are pretty simple.
this song makes me realize that it's ok to demand things from your future husband. I think what caught into liking this song is that part when she sang 'I never learn to cook'  ^o^
hahaha 
if a guy is allowed to list down what his 'ideal' wife should be like, than a lady can do it too.

the last and final song about this power lady; NO



the songs talk about getting a man is not a priority and it's ok to say NO.
Know what you want, when you want it and when you don't.


Now, after elaborating the meaning of selected songs of Ms Trainor,
I'm going to talk about why this particular topic is made today.

a local radio DJ was introducing this song when it made to his Top20 chart one weekend.
He was introducing her song alright but towards the end, he was talking shit.
He said something about Trainor being an 'attention seeker' with her choice of words in her lyrics even from her previous top hit songs. 
So, I'm guessing, he's not too happy when Trainor:
1. dissing skinny people, 2. dissing a playa not being faithful, 3. demanding too much out of her future husband.
hmmm...
You know I over think on a lot of things and you bet I have something to say about this DJ.
He's probably the kind who is against women being in control, who know what they want, and not afraid to speak up their mind. 
Ok, maybe 'against' is a strong word but the way he said it during that time, he made it sound like what Trainor said in her song is wrong.
So, what? Trainor should be like the rest of the other female singer yg sang about being submissive towards men? is that it?
my goodness, what era is he in? 
if this is not what he meant then he's the one yg attention seeking on air. 
or maybe I'm just pissed at how very nonconstructive his criticism was. I just taught being a DJ, you're supposed to be neutral or something that even when you're about to judge people, you need to be constructive with your words. tsk
I used to love his show (coz it plays all the latest songs mostly) but becoz of his stupid comment, I don't even like it when I heard his voice doing an 'iklan'

damn!
I'm not even a fanatic of Meghan Trainor to be making such long post.
I just love her songs.

do your homework before you go to work, man! don't just sprout hateful things like that. seriously. 
there's a different between attention seeking and inspirational.

Meghan Trainor is inspirational.

and you, mister DJ, you're the kind of person she made the song about.

. . .

Hello

Hi guys

I was hit with a notion to retire from blogging last weekend
well, I had been thinking about it for a while but last weekend was the strongest I felt about it.

but I thought hard on it and decided that it was mostly because:-

1. I was lazy
2. I think too much of what others would think about how my post would turn out
3. I was very demotivated by no. 1 and 2

So, i thought,
I'm giving this blog another shot.

My last few, lazy, posts were very 'upsetting' and full of anger at some point.
I duly noted my grieving towards the world
and I'm trying not to post such things anymore.

From today onwards, I'm no longer posting about my personal problems/feelings on this blog.
or I can try. .ʕʘ‿ʘʔ.

I'm trying to go back to my roots,
on why I started blogging in the first place:-
a) movie reviews
b) boybands
c) lesson learned

It might take awhile for me to get back on track but for now I have two posts line up for you in the nearest future, so look forward to that, yea?

it's not much, but I guess I have to start somewhere. v(=∩_∩=)ﾌ

to my beloved readers:
thanks so much guys for coming back to my blog even though its not been updated for weeks.
and thank you for the 'awakening'.

to my beloved silent readers:
I would appreciate if you guys could leave out a comment or two.
but if you can't, then keep coming back to my blog and help my post's 'views' get higher.
also, thank you! you guys rock!

. . .

my blog face is very not satisfying to me. I might change it again.
oh no. looking at Onew is such a satisfaction but its also a distraction.

so, sorry baby, ya gotta go.

(Pretend) Recital Practice

I'm not sure if I've always known this habit but;
I search lyrics for my current fav song and start to menghafal the song like I was going to perform it in front of a live audience, when I'm stressed/pressured/depressed/etc.

LOL

and it's great way of losing or letting out my anger.

thus, here's the new song that I've been practicing; Ailee's 한걸음 더.
the English translation is One Step Closer.

and this is the 5th Korean song that I took the time to 'hafal' the song by studying the Hangul lyrics.
in case you guys curious what's the other 4 songs are, let me list them down real quick;
1. BoA - No.1
2. SMTown - Dear My Family (I AM ost)
3. SMTown - Hope
4. So Hyang - Arirang Alone

No. 2 and 3 atu aku hafalkan konon nya kan sing-a-long time liat concert di Singapore few years back. hahaha 

I know, I'm like Kpop lover and cheese. There should be at least a SHINee song in that list, right? but honestly, I love the songs but still prefer Japanese song over Korean. Coz I can pronounce Japanese (reading the romanization of course, not the real Japanese character) better than I can with Korean. LOL! 

Anyhoo, 
Like I did with BoA's Close To Me, I'm going to share with you guys Ailee's 한걸음 더 lyrics here.
it's not mine, I took from a website via Google search.
Let's menghafal this song together now~~!

keep it together my child
울지 마 dry your eyes
더 이상 숨지 마
크게 소리쳐 봐 아픔을 외쳐 봐
뒤돌아 웃어 now
길이 없던 난 멀리 보이는
불빛으로 다가가고 싶은데
다가갈 수 없게
너무나 아픈데
무너져 버린 나를
희망으로 날 잡아준 건
시간이 지나면
괜찮아질 거라고
모두가 얘기해
조명이 켜지면 아무도 모르죠
슬픈 표정은 gone
잠겨 있었던 내 감정은 어디로
다가가고 싶은데
다가갈 수 없게
너무나 아픈데
무너져 버린 나를
희망으로 날 잡아준 건 너
나 포기하지 않을게
no no 또 하루를 보내
서로를 위해 한 걸음 더 가깝게
다가갈 수 있게 받아준 그 사람
어두웠던 내 맘에 사랑으로
날 밝혀준 건 너

and here's a audio video with the lyrics also, just so you know what the song sounds like xD



I had tears in my eyes the first time I heard this song. and I don't even know what it means at that time. ahahah 

. . .

a/n: I know I've been depressed with myself lately and I really don't know what to do with this anger. and yesterday, the last straw had been thrown my way and I am done. It's been long overdue and it's time to move on.

. . .

my Stress reliever

A couple of weeks ago, me and Buzz went to the Consumer Fair at ICC.

the fair was super ...neutral. coz it was the same as the previous (and previous nya lagi punya) year; local vendors selling clothing, shawls, cookies, electronics, FOOD! you know, the usual.

See that Anna sanitizer (click image to enlarge. it was attached on my bag)

I lost it as soon as I left ICC compound. I think I lost it in the bus coz I got stuck for a moment in it.

I was so upset about it.

the one thing different was the FREE photo booth at DST booth. It was the same as the one we had during our BBB annual dinner last Jan.

since me and buzz almost finish shopping (cBuzz shopping, I was mostly eating and drinking and looking around saja hahah), we agreed  to take some photos. It was free anyway.

Look at us. being funny. hahaha

and on our way to catch the bus which will bring us back to where we parked our car, we met Hasrin.

Then in the car, we ate our food.

We contacted Zawir during that time, for a lepaks.
We decided to watch Jurassic Park at Empire Cinema but  when we got there, there was no decent seats available. So, we ended up taking a stroll at the Empire beach ground.

Sekaliiiiiii

Hujan!
so we spent our time waiting for the rain to stop taking pictures.
Here's a couple of them

"Dancing in the rain"

Selepas itu, hujan teduh..and we balik.

so much for a happening night. hahaha

but still. I had a proper smile on my face after a tough week.

My awesome friend brings out the best in me. *cough* cheesy *cough*

. . .

my phone so far

Hello...
you must had enough of my Onew posts the past few days. LOL
sowieee..

So, today I decided to post this; my Phone so far.
I saw somebody posted their 'teenage phone' and I had an idea to post my 'teenage phone' too.
BUT
instead of posting my teenage phone, I am going to post the phones that I had over the years.
I started owning a mobile phone when I was 18. I was in lower six form then. haha kesian. orang lain betelipun time form 1 sudah. 

Let me share you pictures (that are not mine. I stole them via Google kekeke) of the phones that used to have until now.

my first phone. cute little thing. (hand-me-down btw)

2nd phone. I was so fond of this phone! (another hand-me-down)

my first real phone. I can not tell you just how much love i had for this phone!

it was the walkman series. and anyone who have known me since forever knew how much of a walkman addict I was (you know, that portable cassette player, plug your ears with earpieces to listen to the songs) and this phone was like an upgrade for me. LOL

hahah Nokia E71. the first phone i bought with my first few salaries. 

I didn't keep this one long coz I miss Sony Ericsson so much. hahah

I sold the Nokia and bought this one. I wanted the purple one but at that time only the above color was available. another walkman series and another beloved phone.

the longest Sony Ericsson I own. and the last one. I was obsess with getting all my gadgets in red that year. LOL

my first iPhone 3G. pwetty little thing

this thing was the first expensive phone I ever buy

and then another

iPhone 4

and earlier, I bought iPhone 6plus

and this conclude the phones that I once owned and recently own.

I think I missed my Sony Ericsson walkman series phones the most. maybe because the easy access to my musics via those phones made me so attached to them back then. 

but no matter.

my iPhone does exactly that (anable me to listen to my musics) and so much more.

I wonder what's my next phone gonna be?

. . .

When I was younger

When I was younger, I used to want things I couldn't get.

and now that I'm older and earned money of my own, I wanted everything.

One (or some) of them being;

Nerf Gun/Arrow girlie version.

balik2 ku liat di Hua Ho Manggis. I know I could afford it but...bila and sama sapa tah ku main tu? 
I'm like turning 27 soon. don't I look attractive (playing nerf like a five year old)? LOL

hanya dalam khayalan tah saja aku own this thing. 

unless kaka mau bali sama aku then we can play together2. wawawawa

. . .

Friends

Met an old friend last week. it felt good that we could just fall back into conversation like we never parted for a very long time.

and at some point of that coversation, she admitted that she envied the circle of friends I have. and I told her, I envied her for having a new circle of friends. to which she replied, "But they never last".

I sat there, shock with realization, for a second. I totally agree with her.

Her expression was something and made me thankful of what I have. When she wishes to be a part of our circle, I wish I grew out of mine.

Mr. Fletcher was right. "You win some, You lose some". I may have lost in the number of friends I have but the ones I have means so much more than just a number.

So, what I'm trying to say, is that, I love you guys!! *emotional* Like, SERIOUSLY!

I would love to mention names but you know who you are. :)

and thank you for always being there for me.

YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME!!

. . .

my English Guard

look at what happened to him?

(sebenarnya it was a bit creepy. look at how the beheaded head is smiling...)

aku sedih berabis psl I really like this keychain, and aku start pakai two years after ku bali (d Leicester, UK mind you. Kira precious lah tu ah..ahaha) skali, this is what happened?

cuai ehh..

but i did mend it.

 

I just hope ia tahan. 

one of the many little things that I sayang sangat. nyasal th ku jua memakai.. sigh

. . .

Yay me!

remember that time, back in 2009/10 I said that i'm gonna try and finish reading the books that I bought over the years but never got the time (or sebenarnya malas sja xP) to read them?

well guess what?

I hadn't really made any real progress since that post.

Until last March, aku banar2 mau bali Pretty Little Liars: Unbelievable.

tapi since buku atu abis stock dBrunei ani (even check smpi kMiri pun nada), I guess ada reason lah dsebaliknya.

and the reason being this: I told myself that if I didn't finish reading all the books that i bought, I will not allow myself to buy any new ones.

So, untuk menyanangkn hati ku yg sedih ani, I decided, habis kn sja tia buku2 yg alum bebaca ani then after that, if kan bali smua Pretty Little Liars punya series skali gos pun, mana saja tah.. ahahaha

thus, recently, I finished reading 3 books.

tada! *self applause*

and I have 8 more to go. 

I feel like I've made an excellent progress with this. heh heh heh

until I cheated myself. 

-___-

if you read the previous2 post, I bought four Pretty Little Liars books in KL. and I'm gona read that one first before I continue reading the remaining eight. ahahaha xP

Gambatte? xD

p/s: the reason why it took me forever to finish both Flawless and Perfect is because I was busy rereading my Harry Potter series. ahahaha bukn apa, the first time aku bca HP series, aku bca buku library. So, when aku sendiri bali the buku, aku rasa, aku mesti bca lagi balik. Just, so, you know, aku bca buku yg ku bali atu. ahahaha

. . .

Worth Having? I. Think. Not.

I don't think it's worth having anymore.

nor does it worth fighting for.



Ingat aku nada perasaan kh? andang jua bukn angel aku ani kn telampau baik. I have my limit too.

I've lowered my pride for your sake but if that's how you're gonna act,
so be it.

I think I've had enough.

I'm gona let go.

and this is not the first time either.

WHAT THE HELL AM I?!

. . .

we all love gifts xD

So,

Thank You Esma for this cute turtle keychain.
it's so unique and cute. ;D


and


Thank You Pu3 for this Charm-chain Bear of the Tenorikuma.
I've always wanted something like this, so, thanx xD



THANK YOU FOR BEING SO THOUGHTFUL.


. . .