Updates and answers

Hi guys.

quick updates and answers to my own questions.

First, regarding this Blogspot website.
On 27th Apr 2019, I bitched about how Blogger won't load on my phone and on my laptop when using my phone internet data. 
But when I got home afterwards, I tried opening my blogs using my phone and what do you know? 
the page load perfectly. I even tried opening the website via laptop, also using my phone data, it worked too!
I'm guessing it's nothing to do with my phone service provider, and Blogger has finally fixed their site?
I hope so.
Coz, this is the second scheduled post I made from home.
I AM SO PUMPED RIGHT NOW!

Secondly, regarding NCT 4th sub-unit, WayV.
I learned from Wiki that I was right, WayV is NCT's Chinese promoter. 
They debuted first in August 2018 with the name NCT - China and again in January 2019 with the name WayV. 
They released their first EP The Vision. in it has 3 songs: Regular (Chinese version. obviously), Comeback, and Dream Launch.

and that's it.

that's the updates.

I was reading thru some old post and I came across the Book post with giveaways which nothing ever come of. I will make an update on that soonies.

For now, 
I leave you with this music video that got recommended to me on the last Friday in April



the French dialoque in the beginning! AND pastels!

Side Note: Ever since I watched Black Mirror season 3, ep 1 Nose Dive, I've been seeing a lot pastel colored theme. Hmmm..

. . .

Short and Simple

I was browsing, scrolling thru my old post on this blog

and

I realized how I have (had?) two styles; 
1. short and simple, 
and 
2. long and winding.

there were no in between.

LOL

I even dared to post just words. absolutely not a single picture attached.

Impressed!

So, what changed?

What makes me so stressful about making a post?

Why do I feel like I have to explain so much when I post a certain topic?

I was in my late teens / early twenties when I started.
is it the age factor?

If its about the amount of readers I have, its not that much of a difference from back then to now.

So, what gives?

Well,

what ever it is, I would really love to try and post something in its simplest of form.

yeah, sometimes things need to be explained but I hope I don't end up posting a three-pages essay. lol


That being said, 
I just want to say, thank you for being here, lovely readers.
You have no idea how much your time spent here means to me.

. . .

In case you were wondering

Sooooo

If you ever wondered how come I suddenly put 'Oops' in some of my sentences where it is appropriate,

I am here to share you a song





Hopes, the next time you read my oops, you will read it in a sing a song way too.

LOL


hashtag you are most welcome


. . .

Solo Trip. Check!

Sooooo

I went to my first ever solo trip, to Singapore, like, three weeks ago.

I LOVE IT!

I love that I only have me to think and worry about.  (✿◠‿◠)

I went stationery hunting. I didn't find many. but I did find the pens that I was looking for. LOTS of them ( ･_･)♡

I also spent half the day at Universal Studio Singapore on the first day I got to Singapore.

I finally took the ride on Battlestar Galactica.

The first time I went to USS, I didn't get the chance to go. The second time I went, the ride was under maintenance.

and now! on my third time, I finally did it!

I even bought a print out for prove!

I don't think I was scared at all. LOL

as you can see, I was riding the Human, traditional seated roller coaster in red.

I should've gone and queue for the Cylon, inverted roller coaster track in grey, once I get off the Human one but I didn't. for some inconvenient caused by my contact lens. *shrug*

I will try them the next time I go ;)

Overall,
that trip was serene.
I love it.
I felt the same way I did when I was jalan-jalan alone here in Brunei but there, I was just minding my own business and I love that I don't have to think of anything else.

Now, I am confident that I'll be flying off for many more solo trips.
but not really ready to throw caution to the wind coz let's face it, it is still a very scary world we're living in.

I once read an article about how addicting this solo trip is and I think the writer is so right!

. . .

Question

Caution
long post.

. . .

you know that guy friend who has a girlfriend-turn-wife yang penjeles ya amat?

When Ahmad (bukan nama sebenar) begirlfriend with Sarah (bukan nama sebenar), Ahmad had been avoiding his other friends. especially yg bini2.
the other female friends was told (by the male friends of their circle of friends) that Sarah was a penjeles girlfriend.
the other female friends understand.

and then, Ahmad and Sarah got married.

So, here's a situation:

Erin posted something on social media and Ahmad liked it.
Erin got scared. Scared that Ahmad's wife Sarah would get a wrong idea.
but nothing happened (Sarah did not go and cyber attack Erin, like Erin thought Sarah would). thus, Erin ignored the like and be neutral about it.

Months had passed and Erin noticed that Ahmad liked her posts every now and then. 
Erin was no longer worrying and become curious instead.

masa becouple, you are not allowed to talk or like or heart any other girls' post on social media
but
selepas kawin, you can resume the talking, liking, hearting other girls' post?



Here's the question:

Why is that?

disclaimer: I am single AF and I'm not trying to be know it all about this kind of thing. I'm just curious.

In my understanding, if I don't want him to talk to other girls when we're dating, I certainly don't want him to talk to other girls when we're married.

Maybe it's a trust issue?
you don't trust him when he's your boyfriend
but
you trust him when he's your husband?
PLEASE UNDERSTAND: the 'He' here is the same person.

In my understanding, if I can't trust him when he's my boyfriend, why on earth did I marry him?!

Let's change POV (point of view)

Maybe he was menjaga hati the girl
Ok, he jaga my hati when he's my boyfriend
but
thought it's ok to not jaga my hati when we're married?
Isn't menjaga hati your wife more important?

I really can't do much POV on guys 


Anyway,

I'm just dead curious about this stuff.

coz from Erin's POV, she is scared that Sarah might get the wrong idea. Ahmad might thought that what he's doing is ok. but who knows what Sarah is feeling, right?

I also understand that maybe Sarah isn't getting a wrong idea coz Ahmad married her and she shouldn't be questioning his loyalty and trust him.

Another opinion of mine; Ahmad shouldn't be like that from the moment he berCouple with Sarah. He shouldn't push away his female friends in the beginning to jaga hati girlfriend but after he kawin with Sarah, resume being friends with his female friends again. it's confusing and troublesome.

but once again, I don't know why Ahmad did what he did. Maybe that's the only way he knows how to deal with it?
I just strongly believe that he could've handled it better.

because the moment Ahmad pushes his other friends (male and female) away, they also distant themselves from him. and when he tries to befriend them again, they don't want to.

can you blame them?
I understand if you push away bad influences from your life to be better
but we're friends. 
IF not the best of friends, I'm sure we're good friends of yours.
I get that you can't talk to us (female) to jaga the hati of your girlfriend but did you realize that you avoided going out with our group (have male also) too?
and now that you're married, you wanted to go back to how it was?
are you serious?

that's not how you're supposed to treat your friends.

I understand that married people have commitment but i have never met anyone, who before they were married, pushes everybody away just to keep 'the other half' happy.

that's all that I've got to say.

I could write a novel about this, believe me.

Yes, Erin is me. it's how I feel about the situation. the curiosity is mine.

Once again, I'm single and maybe I don't understand this "sacrifices".

all I can do right now is be neutral and try not to overthink. 

My positivity   It's definitely not me. it's them.

. . .

Time do flies

it's 16th already
and I achieved coloring my coloring book up to page 3.



I wonder if you should color this book by page
and
once you started, can you pause in the middle and finish it another day?
coz, I can't do that.
Once I started, I wanted to finish it right away. like there's an itch in my heart when I try to stop and continue another day (as you know, I have other things to do other than lazying around, coloring book).
then,
I realized, that the above is not really normal.

Have you ever heard the term OCD; Obsessive Compulsive Disorder?
Well, I don't have it.
hahaha
Because what I have is actually Selective Perfectionist.
I don't know if that exist. but I strongly believe that that's what I have.

Allow me to explain
I'm a lazy person.
I've mentioned that for so many times already on so many levels.
but once I started, e.g. cleaning my room, I can't stop. 
Storyline; I started off with wiping dust off my study table. I will continue to wiped my dressing table, my bookshelves, etc. then, I started sweeping. mopping. dusting some more. the list could go on but you get the idea, right?
I became a perfectionist only when I wanted to be and when the occasion calls for it.

and it does not stop at cleaning.
it continues on at my workplace.
Once I started on job, I have to see it to the finish. obsessing over how many I can finish in an hour or the entire morning.
you know? something like that.
I used the word 'obsessing' because that's how it was.



more to the second meaning.
the worrying.
I might upset my other colleagues in the process. ┐(‘～`；)┌

anyhoo..
this isn't a planned post.

I wanted to make something inspirational but I guess this will have to do

Side note: 
I watched the Huntsman Winter's War. I was disappointed with the whole story plot. i find the title misleading. Either that or I don't understand English. but Emily Blunt is a beauty as ever! love her!

. . .

oh look at that...I Googled it and found it on UrbanDictionary



that should explain it. ヾ(〃^∇^)ﾉ

. . .

Living in your shadow

I'm 27 years old and soon to be 28.

I think I can live on my own.

I always dream about living alone in a small apartment; doing things at my own pace at my own time.

It's not the norm here in Brunei, of course. Unless you live in Bandar but work in KB or Temburong which most people often either share rented house with other colleagues or stay with a relative. but if you live in Bandar and work in Bandar, it's weird to not live at your own house. (I've never heard anyone of my cousins (yg bujang) ever live alone di Bandar ani. So I don't know about other people ah).

I wonder what the reaction would be if I was to make this dream of mine reality. Kajut beruk kali eh semua urg.

hahahah

I mean, 
One; I'm perempuan. I don't think it's advisable to live alone. (but I'm often left alone when semua urg jalan/melepak/etc till so late at night. When we were in the phase of moving house, I was often alone coz my mom stayed at the new house during renovations.)

Two: I can just hear my uncles and aunties saying, 'Rumah mama mu basar atu, inda kan tinggal arah lain?' 'Kesian jua mama mu sorang2 tu' yadda yadda yadda 

Three: My mom would think we all trying to leave her. as in 'buang' ia or something. -.- my question to those parents who felt like they are being left behind is this, "Didn't you live your parents to raise your family?" If they answer me "atu lain" my retort would be "sama saja pun. you leave them behind, to build a life of your own. and visited them (if rajin) on weekends only" am I correct? or am I right?

Four: People would think I'm selfish. Yes, maybe. but isn't this the dream of so many people? Inda kan aku mesti kawin baru tah bulih pindah rumah? Didn't mother always said to me (to us all really) to 'Pandai-pandai tah kamu bah eh' which translated into 'be independent'?? So how am I supposed to be independent when I still live with my mom? right? ლ(ﾟдﾟლ)

I was once labelled 'too liberal' by some saloon aunty, I remember blushing when she said that but I don't know if I was offended or ashamed or 'caught'.
But i think now that I don't mind being labelled 'liberal' which in her context it means 'freedom' 'independent'. 
Coz I know I can be independent if you would just give me the chance, mom!
(┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻

Haha

I wish I've discussed the above matter with mom but no. of course not. I'm Asian with a very strict Asian mom. you think I would win this debate? (￣□￣)

Possibility of losing and ended up cutting my mom of my life would be too high.

Hahahaha

Well, as a good friend of mine once said, "Angan-angan atu free"

☜-(ΘLΘ)-☞

. . .

that Feeling

you know that feeling when you are so down and everything around you insisted to be wrong?

yeah, I'm having that feelings now.

it's frustrating and discouraging and demotivating.

maybe I'm the one who is unhappy in the first place but instead of everything else remain neutral as I wished, things just, don't.

So, all I'm doing right now is, to remain stagnant. like how my life has been for the past few years.

I'm usually a self-motivate person but today, I don't feel like motivating myself. I mean, what's the point really?

a/n: images are not mine

. . .

Poor f(x)

After 3 weeks, they have stopped promoting their 3rd Album, Red Light.
read below for more details on that matter.

udah tah cHenry punya comeback kana buat a week after f(x)'s. and then this happened.

Poor poor f(x).

Ever since I watched SM's movie, I AM and f(x)'s Gangsta Boy dance practice video, I've been having thoughts on how Sulli isn't feeling 'it' ('it' = being an artist, and everything that came with that title).

and if you read the reaction below regarding the above situation, you'd see that I am not the only one yg thought so.

But of course, these are just my thoughts. Everyone is entitled to voice out their opinion.

I only ever like Luna and Amber in that group to begin with but I still like f(x) as a whole. From my non-professional  point of view, each of them are very talented individual. So, it's sad to see/read this kind of news about them. Especially when my mind is clouded with the bias-ness of SM making a Solo concert for EXO despite f(x) being EXO's senior. As far as I know, f(x) been working just as hard. 

and seeing a group of 5 became 4, made me a little sensitive. 
Remember Westlife? 
I know f(x) is not missing a member but this may lead to that, who knows, right?
it's very upsetting.

I saw (and liked) a post on IG that says, "Some illuminati shit is going on at the sm building".

As much as I want to hate SM like everybody else do, I just, don't know anymore. I mean,  I don't know about KangTa and Zhang LiYin but
BoA is doing fine, is she not? Just recently she releases a Japanese new single.
SHINee just finished their series of their 3rd solo concerts.
Super Junior is having a comeback soon (Ultimate Leader Leeteuk is BACK!!)
SNSD just celebrated their 7th anniversary.
and despite the Kris issue, EXO is 'meletop' with their the Lost Planet concert.

Who knows what's really going on within f(x). they have more individual activities than they do as a group; Victoria spent so much time in China for school and dramas, Krystal busy with her 'solo' magazine spread and currently doing a TV show with big Sister Jessica, Amber doing Show Champion and A Song for You MC-ing, and I don't really know what's Luna and Sulli are doing most of the time. Luna probably still MC-ing for the Korea MTV the Show, I'm not sure.

So you see, we don't really know (EVER) what's going on within that group.

All I can do now is wish that they'll light some truth so we could stop speculating and assuming things.

What hurt the most, after all of the above, SM is debuting a new 4-membered girl group called Red Velvet, soon. hmm.. 


a/n: I know. I made a very long post on this 'issue' and I'm a Shawol. LOL.

. . .
 

Why?

Most of the time, I'm not even sure who am I doing this for?

Is it really for me? 

or for whom ever that I'm supposed to prove myself to?

I've always thought, when I'm older, I'd be certain about alot of other things but I guess we are forever the student of life. 
because no matter what you've learned last year or the year before that, you just don't have a clue. or you do have a clue but too stubborn to change your ways.

and why am I so angry all the time? and bitter? why?

I've consulted myself, saying, I'm worth the while. No matter how much I've lagged behind,  I am worth something. 

So, why do I feel like I'm worthless? why do I feel like I'm not good enough?

Am I doing this wrong? Niat tu salah kh?

I just want to know. 

I know and very well adapted to 'everything happened for a reason' concept.  but didn't you wish, even once, that you know what those reasons are?

. . .

Family my foot.

I was at a family function a couple of weeks ago
and I noticed/realised a lot of things.

• their sister-in-laws were treating us like what.
• the younger cousins were doing it too.
• the cousins, of course, lagi dashyat.

People are just prone to be a blind judge.

I mean, what ever happened in the past had nothing to do with me, or you. it's our parents disputes.

So, what the hell are we doing?

Mom always drag me to 'these' cousins functions because the adults are 'all over it' (so they say). but they'd forgotten what they had done to the next generation of cousins.

I would've act neutral if they would. but everytime I set my mind to be neutral, smiling and greet people politely, they always ended up like a fucktard bitch. EVEN the men/guys/boys.

LIKE SERIOUSLY WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!

and my mom wondered why I never wanted to go?

Mom knew of course, or knew just a little and often telling me off when I got mad. she said, 'tani jangan tah ikut2an bejahat. Mun inda, sama tah tani jua macam drg tu'.
*rolled eyes*
Tau plang ku. ganya, I'm still just human and a human can only stand to a certain limit.

and My way of not bad mouthing them is TO NOT see them. EVER.
the less I see the lot of them , the better I feel. the less I 'mengumpat'. the less I 'sakit hati'.

I know they're not all like that. they are VERY nice people too. just not much.

and it's just THAT side of that family. always.

I don't know what their problem is.

all I'm asking is, just, GET OVER YOURSELVES. THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU. 

. . .

the world is not split into good people and Death Eaters - Sirius Black.

Is it me

Falling on my heartbreak and I
Get my hopes up when I'm in love
Until we break up then I'm back to the
Same spot, I've been lonely, drowning
Cause every guy turns out to be the same
So now I'm questionin' is it me to blame

Is It Me? am I so complicated?
Is It Me? or is love over-rated?
Is It Me? cause I don't quite understand
Why it never turns out how I thought I planned it
Is It Me? am I too independent?
Is It Me? not ready for commitment?
Is It Me? cause it doesn't seem to last
And it's the only question that I never asked


Stacie Orrico - Is it me?

. . .

is this Legit?

regarding Jonghyun of SHINee owning a Twitter account.



I first heard and saw of the account last year. tapi msa tu dragui, coz it was in English. (not to underestimate cJonghyun but he has a hard time pronouncing words in English when he sings, so, go figures (NOONA STILL LOVE YOU JONGIE-aa!!) ) lawa lagi tu...
So, i did not follow lah..mana tau people are just Trolling obsessive Shawol (like myself xP)

then

few days ago, ada tia lagi rh allkpop.com. an article about 'Jonghyun's' tweets.

I see people were commenting about whether or not it really is Jonghyun's.

some commented back saying it is. coz Jonghyun himself verified it on his me2day and that Kara's Nicole also confirmed it.

So, curious, i went on to check the account again. it is now in Hangul and has pictures of Jonghyun's cute dog and one four-parts selca.

I wanted to follow TAPI mcm, skeptic ku masih...ahaha

So, i wonder, it that account for real? is that @realjonghyun90 for real? knapa the rest of SuJu alum follow ia? or why is he not following his hyungs? or BoA for that matter? why?


. . .

Worth Having? I. Think. Not.

I don't think it's worth having anymore.

nor does it worth fighting for.



Ingat aku nada perasaan kh? andang jua bukn angel aku ani kn telampau baik. I have my limit too.

I've lowered my pride for your sake but if that's how you're gonna act,
so be it.

I think I've had enough.

I'm gona let go.

and this is not the first time either.

WHAT THE HELL AM I?!

. . .

I wonder

Sometimes I wonder

aku kah yg bemasalah?

padahal, tahap tolerance ku ni high jua sudah..

So, aku kah yg beproblem?



. . .

I wouldn't?

"When it comes to me, I wouldn't wana be anybody else," -Selena Gomez's Who Says.

wouldn't I?

I've been saying it alot.

Been saying how I don't care about what them people are saying.

Been trying to convince myself that I am pretty.

Been trying to prove to people that I am worth it.

but really?

wouldn't I?

coz pretty much a lot of the time, I would want to be somebody else.

because, it seems like they just have it so easy.

So, again...

wouldn't I wana be?

maybe it was me

I've been thinkin lately...

maybe it was me who changed...

but why do I feel like I'm not?

maybe I was the cause of it all...

Maybe.


I don't know man.

. . . . . . .

When?

i've been wondering about this for weeks;

when did I become the bad guy??

like, seriously?

i think it all started when I finally have the guts to actually fight back.

is that so wrong?

you've won so many battles before, why can't I win a few?

but i guess, it's just human bloody nature.

I wonder...

I wonder,

how you're supposed to act to a certain situation?

how are you to act in a way not to offend others?

how do you heal and mend a broken heart?

are we supposed to do all this?

hmm...

tending a physical wound is so much easier than to mend those thing you can't see; heart-ache, broken heart, mental illness, etc.

Don't you think?