In the End, It doesn't even matter

It starts with
One thing I don't know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
Time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on but didn’t even know
I wasted it all just to watch you go

I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when...

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so (far)
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end

You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when...

I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know

I've put my trust in you


- In The End, Linkin Park.

. . .

Living in your shadow

I'm 27 years old and soon to be 28.

I think I can live on my own.

I always dream about living alone in a small apartment; doing things at my own pace at my own time.

It's not the norm here in Brunei, of course. Unless you live in Bandar but work in KB or Temburong which most people often either share rented house with other colleagues or stay with a relative. but if you live in Bandar and work in Bandar, it's weird to not live at your own house. (I've never heard anyone of my cousins (yg bujang) ever live alone di Bandar ani. So I don't know about other people ah).

I wonder what the reaction would be if I was to make this dream of mine reality. Kajut beruk kali eh semua urg.

hahahah

I mean, 
One; I'm perempuan. I don't think it's advisable to live alone. (but I'm often left alone when semua urg jalan/melepak/etc till so late at night. When we were in the phase of moving house, I was often alone coz my mom stayed at the new house during renovations.)

Two: I can just hear my uncles and aunties saying, 'Rumah mama mu basar atu, inda kan tinggal arah lain?' 'Kesian jua mama mu sorang2 tu' yadda yadda yadda 

Three: My mom would think we all trying to leave her. as in 'buang' ia or something. -.- my question to those parents who felt like they are being left behind is this, "Didn't you live your parents to raise your family?" If they answer me "atu lain" my retort would be "sama saja pun. you leave them behind, to build a life of your own. and visited them (if rajin) on weekends only" am I correct? or am I right?

Four: People would think I'm selfish. Yes, maybe. but isn't this the dream of so many people? Inda kan aku mesti kawin baru tah bulih pindah rumah? Didn't mother always said to me (to us all really) to 'Pandai-pandai tah kamu bah eh' which translated into 'be independent'?? So how am I supposed to be independent when I still live with my mom? right? ლ(ﾟдﾟლ)

I was once labelled 'too liberal' by some saloon aunty, I remember blushing when she said that but I don't know if I was offended or ashamed or 'caught'.
But i think now that I don't mind being labelled 'liberal' which in her context it means 'freedom' 'independent'. 
Coz I know I can be independent if you would just give me the chance, mom!
(┛◉Д◉)┛彡┻━┻

Haha

I wish I've discussed the above matter with mom but no. of course not. I'm Asian with a very strict Asian mom. you think I would win this debate? (￣□￣)

Possibility of losing and ended up cutting my mom of my life would be too high.

Hahahaha

Well, as a good friend of mine once said, "Angan-angan atu free"

☜-(ΘLΘ)-☞

. . .

People will be people

나도 알아

I know.

since before aku paham erti hidup (aseh! :P), I know.

I know that no matter what, good or bad, people are gonna talk.

• Praising you.

• bad-mouthing you.

• Exaggerate things for you.

• They'll do it all.

As a human being, I can't help but feel super upset when I learned that a certain someone (or two) were/are actually talking behind my back. I know i'm not always a 'saint', and I know about 'karma' too but it still hurts.

What I often do when something like this happened, I tell myself that people are gonna talk. no matter how much you want to make them happy (impress them, whatever), they'll never gonna stop talking about you. Those kind of people don't matter. what was that saying? (menggoogle~~ :P) ah. "Those who mind don't matter, and those who matter don't mind" by Bernard M. Baruch.

*nod nod*

but still, sedih ku. 

am I that bad of a person?

Sometimes I think that I am.

#Twitter @Factsionary - Psychologists have proven that we tend to overestimate ourselves -- We are not as nice as we think we are. 

. . .