3 Major Problems

Hi guys,

today, I'm gonna talk about the three major heart-beat-stopped-for-a-second moments I encountered this year.

but first, let's enjoy my new favorite 😚

Ok, onwards~ ⚔️🛡️

No. 1, my fuji cam memory card.

It was in July 2019 when this memory card somehow went 'blank' as I was busy transferring files. 
Like when you open the folder, there was nothing in it but when you check the properties, there were 'used space'. I am no tech master but after some youtube research, I was able to save most of the pictures tho sadly, not the videos. 
It was ok. Sis redha.
I need to buy new memory card for that camera anyway.


No. 2, my transcend Harddisk.

this happened in September 2019. I think this should explain me missing in September 2019. LOL

really, this is the most heartbreaking one.

you know when your computer asked you 'fix' something and it says 'recommended'? I believe you should ignored it. BUTT for some reason! I didn't and clicked 'Fix' and when another pop up asked if I am sure and any unsave items will be lost, I clicked, 'Ok'. and after it was done, I continued to work again but for some reason, I can't access the previous folder that I opened from my harddisk (you know, from the 'recently open' tab). So, I when to 'This PC' and tried to open the folder via there but still cannot. It says, the folder no longer available or something. I panicked. and tried one more time. still the same.
other folders still there but I finally realized there were missing folders.
I checked my movies; from about 50 movies, I now only have 8 movies.
I checked my Kpop Shows/Clips; same thing, I only have a few left.
I checked my kdrama; I only have the oldest ones.
I checked my Story/Fictions; the one I have been working on all year! is gone. 
I finally checked my personal photos; everything from April 2018 till September 2019, gone! all my videos that I have left unedited, all my August 2018 KL trip photos, all my February 2019 Seoul trip, GONE!

I actually froze!
and I did not exaggerate when I said, I shut down my laptop, and actually went to bed AND actually prayed that this was all a dream and when I wake up tomorrow, everything will be back to normal. it was just a temporary glitch.

I didn't on my laptop for two days. 
I went to work, blur. I came home, didn't dare touching my laptop for two nights.
Until the third day, I decided, I need to push thru and check once again to make sure. 
I told myself, first we check properties, if the memory still reads 100+ gb left, it means, the hd only hide my stuff and I can retrieve that like I did with the memory card.

but of course, when I checked, I have 600++gb left to use. I knew the moment I saw that number that there is nothing more I can do. 
Everything is really lost.
You know when thing was so bad you can't even cry? that was exactly how I feel at that time.
I was so heartbroken! 💔💔💔
The pictures. They were my memories. I can redownload the movies. the tv shows, the kdramas, but I can't recapture those pictures. I can't even rely on my own memory to retrieve them. My heart ache remembering this. Sigh.
My stories. My fictions. My own writings. My effort. everything from 2018 onwards is gone. Yes, some of them are unfinished but that doesn't mean I would chuck them out. Especially the very latest one. that's the most hurtful. I have so much love for that latest one. Lucky I did write down some plots in a note book. I'll try to recreate from there but it wouldn't be the same.
You can't make the same thing happened twice.

but I said, it's ok. sis redha. 😞

and quickly afterwards, I found out, that my USB extension thing was the problem. 

it shaped like a strawberry. I bought it @ Miniso Singapore back in 2017.

It was faulty for a while before the 'missing folder' happened but I thought it won't cause such catastrophe. I suddenly reminded of what happened to my memory card; this must be the reason too. 

I straight away put the thing away and not use it again. I just have to work with only two USB port for now.


No. 3, my Laptop.

Yes, My laptop! this one is pretty recent, 4th Dec 2019 to be exact.
at that time, I was multi-tasking; watching The Mummy Return, watching AmandaRachLee tutorial for December bullet journal layout, transferring photos from my phone to my hd, backing up my phone via itunes, AND actually doing the December layout onto my journal while the laptop continue to run in the background.
So, as i was just enjoying my "productive" night, the next time I look up, my laptop screen was white. like, WHITE. 

I thought the laptop beginning to 'hibernate' since I can still hear the movie in the background so I touch my mouse, garak2kan sikit, but nothing happened. I pressed the Space Bar and the youtube video that I paused (so that i can see the layout more properly), played. I became more panic and decided to just forced shut down my laptop (by pressing the on/off key. If this was an old laptop, i would just pulled out the battery and turn it back on but i can't do that to this laptop coz the batt is built in). After a while I tried to turn the laptop on again, I caught a glimpse of my screen but it turned white again. I tried this several times but still with the same result, WHITE. 
I figured it was the LCD problem (setau~ LOL) since the audio still work.
For the second time this year, I shut my laptop down and exhaled.
I continued with my December journal layout via my phone.
I was pretty damn calm.
the next day, I tried turning on my laptop again but now, it straight away white screen. So, I Googled the place where I bought my laptop, see if they have their own service center, they do. Next, I checked if my laptop still under warranty, it was not. it expired in September. 
which irritates me. This is a new laptop by the way. I barely have it for a year and its already faulty? MY VAIO LASTED FOR ALMOST 10 YEARS BEFORE I BOUGHT THIS NEW ONE! and to prove my point, I actually took out my vaio and turned it on, and BITCH IT STILL WORKED! and I almost want to continue my work there but then I realized why I bought the new one, the internet connection (both via wifi and USB) didn't work properly. Like, 😒
So, I left it. Like, not gonna think about it. not gonna bother do anything. I mean, i could bring it to the service center but fixing it means money and I'm currently on a strict budget. and also, I've been doing a lot of online shopping LOL...Soooo....🤫 
I mean I could spare money to fix it but I have other important engagement waiting, so I don't want to risk it. and it's not urgent. So, i don't want to fret.
UNTIL 16 DEC 2019.
I cannot tahan, I have some new ideas to type, yeah yeah, I can do that on a note book but i prefer to do it via Words. faster to type. Also, NCT U - Coming Home was released and I need to download that freaking song.
So, I went to the servicing center. Tepakai duit, tepakai lah. yang penting! laptop ku dapat dipakai.
I approached the counter and was happy to find the lady attending is very friendly. I explained to her what happened and she was ..skeptical? Like, I'm not making any sense. Coz to her understanding, it can't be the LCD problem (coz I insisted its the LCD. 🤣 memandai~~). So, she turned my laptop on and WHAT DO YOU KNOW?

tarus ku cakap, "EH! mau ya" and the lady just laughed. and she chuckled again when she saw my background (beautiful Jaehyun). basically my laptop worked fine in front of her 🙄
She wondered if I ever shut my laptop before it properly shut down? or if I ignored any request for window update? or if I shut down my laptop before it finished updating?
awkwarddd~~
Seeing my face, she was like, "maybe pasal atu kali tu" and she proceeded to check my updates and true enough (me looking at my laptop with narrow eyes: traitor) I have pending updates.
After several more guidance from the lady, I thanked her and left.
Safe to say I felt stupid but at least I don't have to pay! that's good. coz the lady was just checking over the counter so no need to pay.
I went to my sister house afterwards and do all my updating and restarting there.

AND when I get home, I quickly back up my phone again coz its been two weeks since the last time I back up (coz I'm buying a new phone in January 2020, it's crucial I maintain a constant back up before that happened, just in case). Next, NCT U!!!! I need the new song ASAP! 

As I opened my internet browser, Chrome, 

tap in my fav downloading web (oops) and WOOSH. white screen again. 
I thought, is it the website? OMG 😱 VIRUS! 😱
I force shut down again. wait until I hear the 'soft' click indicating that the laptop did shut down. and On again. I see normal, turning on screen, then as I clicked the browser, trying to load the website again but seconds later, turned white once again.
AND repeat! 
but this time, I use a different browser, Microsoft Edge, 

to open the website. to check, if its the website or if its actually Chrome. 
The website load just fine and I actually managed to download the song.

I figured it must be that Chrome yg causes my white screen. I uninstalled Chrome to stop myself from accidentally opening it and causes my screen to turn white again.

and now, everything when back to normal.

I have new background.

. . . 

There you have it. my 3 major tech problems this year.

💔

Lesson Learned:

BACK UP! back up upon back up.

I didn't realize how dependent I was with my laptop.
For example, my stories. Usually, I only print out finished stories. but after what happened, I wished I printed out the unfinish ones too. Especially the one I was working on since last year. Yeah, I did print the first EVER draft but I changed a lot of the storyline after that. I regret for not printing them out but I didn't know this was going to happen, did I? 
*another heavy sigh* 
ah well 🤷‍♀️
benda sudah jadi. 
hashtag sis redha.


what would you have done in this situation? would could have been done better?


. . .


😅 I didn't expect it to be this long. LOL 


. . .

Enough

I hate how everything is Jonghyun that Jonghyun this

I have nothing against him or Blingers or fellow Shawols

I'm just against everything is so easily connected to him nowadays

eg 1. His album sales was phenominal.
I'm not saying its bad, I'm actually glad.
but why can't his previous album be phenominal too? when he was alive? when he needed the assurance most??

2. His MV reached 2mil in less than 24hrs.
WHERE WERE YOU ALL MASA HIS PREVIOUS RELEASES?!
why now baru th interested and commenting You've worked hard, Oppa.
come on!

3. SM and maybe SHINee management too, decided to not sale Jonghyun related merchandises at SHINee World  Concert the Best From Now
to me, lurus bah. orang nya nada sudah, it wouldn't be right to be still getting profit/advantage like that.
some even commented "SM should make an exception"
*rolled eyes*
would you want me to sell merchandise of your love ones once they passed away and take all the profit from it.
Pahamilah.
I know this news is especially hard for Jonghyun bias.
but remember, his Poet | Artist album might not be out if it was not becoz of SM.
SM already make an exception thru that album. its the last goodbye.
not to mention whatever legal actions base on their decisions.
Kindly be more open and understandble, ok?

4. with this news about SHINee losing a member by suicide are overwhelming.
Key was right to post a request on his IG; to treat them as before, to give them support.
Yes, I am one of that Shawol who wanted to see OT5 ever since Onew's scandal.
but if we insisted to see OT5 when we all know that that is impossible now, we don't just hurt ourselves, we hurt the remaining member of SHINee too.
SHINee is now a 4 member-ed group.
that doesn't make them any less SHINee.
they are still SHINee.
and we need to continue supporting SHINee as we always have.
of course, right now, with extra compassion.


I don't know if I want to listen to live stream of the concert in Japan this weekend.
macam alum ku ready.
in my head, there will be a lot of moment where they might paused and a little lost coz they have the raw-est of feelings.
I can't.
tunggu tah ah smpi ada fanaccount with subs.


. . .

The above was composed on 15th Feb 2018.

Edited 14th Mar 2018.

1. I still feel the same as the above as of now.
2. I was right to not stream the concert coz when I did, everyone was so emotional, SHINee and Shawols. I shed another tear.
3. I wish for them to take a year long break. to mourn. to grieve. to get everything together at their own phase. I know life goes on but I think they deserve that break.
4. time. we need more time.

. . .

Oops I did Again

Happy National Day to all Bruneians!

and it's been almost a month since I last posted here.

I swear I have no excuse.

LOL

So to start of,
I finally received my POET | ARTIST album.

Received within 3 weeks after placing my ordered.
I thought that I was gonna cry when I listened to the album in my car. Yes, I ripped open the plastic wrap as soon as I got into my car. LOL patient is not my virtue. 
I didn't cry. but I guess it's only because I've already listened to the album digitally.
(side note: to me, there's different feelings when listening to your songs; digitally (which includes Youtube), physical CD, and thru the Radio. I can't explain this into words. to me they're just different).

Are you ready for story time? :)

Now, SHINee just had their 
SHINee World 2018 The Best ~ From Now On ~ concert at Kyocera Dome, Osaka, Japan on 17th & 18th Feb.

I was never one to live stream any of SHINee concerts. I have never bother searching for a link to live streams.
I especially cautious of that this time around.
Only because, I knew there'll be lots of tears.

and man, was I right!

I avoided Instagram (my current source of Kpop news :P) for a few hours on the 17th as the concert began.
but late at night, I opened IG and already reading tons from both the fanaccount I followed and from my explore page.
I felt that tuck in my heart again.
I saw a clip of Onew barely keeping it together. from then on, I chose not to open any video and scrolled up fast when a video started playing.

I listened to two new Japanese songs and they're both nice ballads. but of course yg ku dangar atu not full version. when one of the member's voice waver or stopped singing, i skipped that video coz I know I couldn't continue listening.
*deep breath*
anyway,
the next day happened. I finally brave myself to listen to the closing song. Jonghyun voice was included.
and I shed a few tears.
It wasn't even a long video. not even 1 minute. but seeing the 4 of them like that, so kesian. 
:'(

So, when 18th Feb concert started, I was ok to watch and read fanaccounts.
and when they said SHINee members were hyper during performing hype songs, I smiled too.
I said to myself, "they are gona be ok".
BUT
ballad songs happened and they started crying again and my heart ache again.
SIGH

Well, that's the end of my storytelling.

I decided that, this year, supporting SHINee will be very tough.

I mean, of course, I will support them in any ways I can, but it will be very difficult for my heart.

I mean, how do you handle this?

. . .

since I already take picture

I ordered this album on Dec 5th 2017. and received them on 27th Dec.
Imagine how I was feeling on the 18th Dec.
"but I just ordered his album"

Pointing Finger

I just had these thoughts lately and I think its important

I remember in one of my Team Building workshop, the facilitator mentioned about 'Pointing Finger'.

What I understood at that time was he was talking about blaming others but yourself.

He showed us this gesture

You see, when you point at someone, one finger is pointing to them, while three fingers are pointing at yourself.

In other words,

don't be easy to point faults in others. you might be at fault too.

Just something I've been thinking a lot.

and stop thinking that this post is dedicated to someone. 
I'm only posting this to reflect upon myself.

or am I?

LOL

but really, I've been so angry with a lot of people right now, and I think it's becoming a problem with me. mentally and physically.

it's not good.

and that 'pointing finger' thing pops up in my head.

it calms me down, little by little.

When you realized that you are not that perfect too, this 'gelora di jiwa' is not so worth it. 

coz there's just no point on getting work up over everything.

and that's all I'm gonna say, 

I have a lot on my plate right now, I can't be bother taking care of everybody else.

. . .

Yesung 1st Mini Album

I really like his entire mini album.

the music is really my style.

I didn't expect it to be.

just like when I started to listen to Taeyeon's 1st Mini Album. I thought that I would hate but I didn't.

my surprised is not without base.

when Kyuhyun's mini albums came out, I only ever like 1 song from each mini album.

when Ryeowook's mini solo album came out, i like a few songs.
So, when Yesung dropped his mini solo album, I thought my hype for it would be the same as I did the other two.

but like I said, I was surprised when I heard the first released song.

Here I Am

mcm stalking jua lirik nya ani. hahah baru baca when I want to post this. LOL
and kenapa ya mesti bali plant? of all the things yg bini2 atu suka hahaha

Ok. stalk-ish (funny) lyric aside,
isn't his voice just *insert 'the boom' icon here* ???

a little background story before I share you another few songs

K.R.Y. (Kyuhyun. Ryeowook. Yesung.) is a sub-unit of SuJu whose main song releases are ballads.
and all three of them is like the senpai of amazing male vocals of SM!
well, not really. there are Changmin, Junsu, Yunho of DBSK. to name a few.
but since I wasn't aware of DBSK vocalists back when I was obsessing over SuJu, lets not go there.

anyway, KRY is like the platform of amazing vocalist of SM!
after that came Jonghyun and Onew of SHINee (not gonna explain myself why Onew was mentioned after Jonghyun coz I love their voices on two different levels)
then baru tah came the EXO vocalists; Bacon, DO, Chen. (I think Luhan should be in this list too but seeing as he is no longer EXO)

what I'm trying to say, K.R.Y. has a lot of practice to get to where they are now. Vocally. I'm no expert but theirs are per.fect.ion.

Continuing on~

let's share a duet now.

first up, with Dalchong of CHEEZE. Spring In Me.


I don't know who she is but her voice is very nice.
and this song is like that time, after all the heartaches and this song promises a new beginning.
or something.
my hearteu~

second up, feat Chanyeol of EXO. Confession.


I know. cChanel *fangirling*
noh. not really.
I was always clapping when this song plays. rupanya it's a cute confession song. or trying to confess.
still very the cute

I would love to share all the songs here
but this next one would be the last song that I'm gona share here

it's call Your Echo


I'm telling you, I only learn the translated lyrics while doing this post and I cried during this one.
I guess I have a hunch yg it's sad song but I didn't think it'd be this sad! what the hell Yesungie?!

as mentioned, that would be last song shared here.
If your internet is as awesome as mine, this page will take longer to load.
hahaha ha

but your internet is the awesome-st in town, you should click the link in the videos to listen to the rest of the songs with Eng Sub.

I bet SuJu's future concerts gonna be really long coz they have alot of solos out now to add up to their list of SuJu songs as a whole. (the KRY, EunHae duo)

I would definitely go if was still a 'fanatic' elf. Lucky for me that I'm a 'fanatic' Shawol now.
but I wouldn't mind going to another SMTown concert.
sigh. I miss SMTown.

*clap once*

alrighty,
that is all I have for you guys tonight.
hope you enjoy all the cool (although some are sad) songs.
See you on the next post
ciao~

. . .

Emotions

Emotions run high today. or rather, kemarin.

It was the final day before the half-yearly bank closing etc plus we were all anxious about finishing our workload in fear that on Saturday would be the public holiday for Ramadhan.

Rude words were exchanged. Snide remarks shouted everywhere. Particularly from this woman from another unit. I admit that it was partly because of me being 'serious' to her. and when I was raising my voice to my juniors, 'the' woman screamed back to me. Well, she had her back at me but I knew it was meant for me. Macam, dude! Terasa plang di sana atu!
Panas lah hati ku. Malu pasal, luan jua inda betauliahnya bekeraja ani? I know tani satu department, tapi meneriaki cematu atu (walau cemana stress pun kau) kurang ajar bah tu. Besyukur ku kalau ku marah, aku prefer diam2 walaupun hati ku rasa kan teriak2. Satu, ko memalukn urg. Dua, ko memalukn diri sendiri.

Tapi lapas tu we were ok coz I asked her why she screamed so loud when I was raising my voice to my juniors. She said she couldn't remember why she screamed. I think, we both became adult there; eventhough kami tau what happened tapi we decided to let it go.

and then, I realised, in that place, we are all Dobby.

Yes, Dobby the HouseElf from Harry Potter series.
Why?
Because, We are slaved to the management. We hated them for being too cruel and even so we still love  our job (and that overcome the shitty environment). At certain point we also defended them because they are our 'master'.
Macam Dobby kn? Slaved, mastered but we love our job. (I mean, I love my job and my routine. I just hate the environment)
of course, we are not bound for life at BBB.
I could just walk away but I have commitments to take care of. bukan urg kaya kn sanang2 beranti bila 'had enough'.
If only...

Anyway, I just thought of a phrase; memang bulih meminta maaf and memaafkan. tapi hati kalau sudah tersinggung, sampai mati pun masih ingat. 
bak kata pepatah ong puteh, 'Forgive but Never Forget!'.

Yatah, kadang2, baik diam2. Kalau marah, jan luan ikut emosi and cakap suka2 hati or teriak suka2 hati. take a deep breath and think for a moment. Ingat, klu tani memalukan urg, bukn maruah urg sja gugur, meruah tani pun ikut gugur. Why? dah tani inda lagi terhormat kn urg, cemana urg kan hormat tani? Kan?

Ani untuk muhasabah diri ku jua. Kan aku ani pun pemental jua. tapi tujuh taun ku keraja, inda ku pernah meneriaki urg cematu. Sungguh kurang ajaran! Inda betauliah! Awu! sakit ati ku masih mengenangkannya. I know aku patut bersih kan hati pasal inda lagi batah Ramadhan tiba tapi..eh. adang tah. ada yg inda beraya karang taun ani. Hahaha ganas..

eh..baik tah..

. . .

Family my foot.

I was at a family function a couple of weeks ago
and I noticed/realised a lot of things.

• their sister-in-laws were treating us like what.
• the younger cousins were doing it too.
• the cousins, of course, lagi dashyat.

People are just prone to be a blind judge.

I mean, what ever happened in the past had nothing to do with me, or you. it's our parents disputes.

So, what the hell are we doing?

Mom always drag me to 'these' cousins functions because the adults are 'all over it' (so they say). but they'd forgotten what they had done to the next generation of cousins.

I would've act neutral if they would. but everytime I set my mind to be neutral, smiling and greet people politely, they always ended up like a fucktard bitch. EVEN the men/guys/boys.

LIKE SERIOUSLY WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!

and my mom wondered why I never wanted to go?

Mom knew of course, or knew just a little and often telling me off when I got mad. she said, 'tani jangan tah ikut2an bejahat. Mun inda, sama tah tani jua macam drg tu'.
*rolled eyes*
Tau plang ku. ganya, I'm still just human and a human can only stand to a certain limit.

and My way of not bad mouthing them is TO NOT see them. EVER.
the less I see the lot of them , the better I feel. the less I 'mengumpat'. the less I 'sakit hati'.

I know they're not all like that. they are VERY nice people too. just not much.

and it's just THAT side of that family. always.

I don't know what their problem is.

all I'm asking is, just, GET OVER YOURSELVES. THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU. 

. . .

the world is not split into good people and Death Eaters - Sirius Black.

Brokenhearted and becoming a Blinger?

I duno if the world knows but I'm heartbroken over followings;

Onew was rumored to be dating Jung Ah of After School.

OF COURSE I'M NOT JEALOUS!

IT'S JUST A RUMOR, RIGHT??

-.- but

but

butt

ever since that rumors came out, I was like, seeing him a whole different light.

I don't know how to explain this but I'm becoming a Blinger (Jonghyun's fan)

[Extra note/Lesson on SHINee's fan name: Onew's MVPs, Jonghyun's Blingers, Key's Lockets, Minho's Flamers and Taemin's Taemint]

at least he got a tanned abs. and showing it off often.

BAHAHAHAH! mcm apa.

maskuah.

yes, i'm a little hurt because all my dreams with Onew just shattered but I've been thru this once. 
Time zaman Westlife, I was obsessed with cBrian. So when he came out telling the world that he was dating Kerry Katona of Atomic Kitten, I was like, HEARTBROKEN TAHAP GABAN! hahahaha. So, yeahh..I'm well prepared for that Onew news. 

and it was just a rumor.

Both SMent and Peldis Ent denied the allegation. Saying both Onew and Jung Ah are good friends and often went out together.

I actually like Jung Ah (not that I knew her name before. coz in After School I only like Bekah. and went Bekah 'Graduated', I'm like, not a fan of After School anymore. ahaha). but after this, there's that switch in my head that goes 'hate her' whenever I see her name. LOL mianhae, Jung Ah. You shouldn't have gone out with Onew with just the two of you. you should've brought some friends along. HAHAHAHAHAH mcm apa ni, irrelevant jealousy. ahahah

Sigh.

as I was saying, I've become a Blinger. you wana watch something cute my baby did? to Key's Comme Des (it's a dog). Jonghyun was nomming it. LOL When I was a lot younger, I used to do that with our kittens. bahahaha it tasted a lil furry. :P

and
let's watch the clip below. so funny.



I'm actually... puas ati? Kan cJonghyun ni selalu persana handsome and overly obnoxious, yatah when that Haunted House happened, I was like, 'bahahah. nah ko! perasan tah lagi'. (Suka kh apa ni? mcm masih banci ja.LOL)

sigh. I'm forever Onew bias. I don't care man. he hengsem what? and cute. n such a dork! and he's still an awesome singer with or without Jung Ah. :D

. . .

Close/Bias

being close to someone is not just.

it's about being there; to listen, to care, to support.

and from here, we cant help but be a little bias.

a little gestures goes a long way. a single heart ache can haunt you forever.

So, paham2 tah knapa aku bias.

(LOL!)

. . .