2026, in search of Happiness. If it means enjoying every little trinkets and stationery on the daily, then so be it. Coz temporary happiness, is still happiness.
Which then leads me to being super upset. I couldn't even push myself to do anything else but willow in self pity. I couldn't open my journal to write down my feelings. I didn't even start my Bujo July Theme until 15th July! Imagine!
So, here's what's that look like:
I forgot who's July Theme inspired me to do mine but it wasn't AmandaRachLee. hmmm..let me just *check my History on youtube* Ok, it was from annika's leaf.
It was simple and I thought I could use a change; from drawing/coloring myself to using craft papers.
which I happened to have a lot of.
(these two are the only one I have at the moment)
After I finished that I thought I'd be happy or temporarily so but I wasn't.
My heart was still heavy and my eyes burned.
to simply put, I am not happy. Not at all. Yeah I laugh out loud but only becoz I can't be upset in front of people.
No one cares.
No one listens.
It's not their problem.
It's mine.
and I'm ashamed to admit but my brain, it went dark. it still is.
I'm aware of it going dark. I remind myself to not be. but it continues.
I know people's gonna say "You're overreacting" "You're being dramatic" "it's all in your head" and I'm telling you, I am aware. I'm aware that maybe I am overreacting. Maybe I am being dramatic. Yes, it's all in my head.
but explain this:
I was listening to EXO - Power, the supposedly uplifting song in Kpop and one of my favorite song as well but why the hell was I thinking about is jumping of a bridge?
tell me what was that all about?
I imagine a better future, I can see them but at the same time, I'm not going anywhere. I'm stuck here. in this body. in this shell of a body. and I am not happy.
Hi guys I thought I share with you guys my Top 25 songs as of 21 May 2019.
I know, shocking! Only one SHINee song. a lot of Taeyeon's. You also see me listening a lot to the original The Greatest Showman soundtracks. One thing you should know, Ava Max - Sweet But Psycho.
I downloaded this on 18th May and it got into my Top 25 the next day. I. am. obsessed. like~ where have you been all my life?! If you compared this Top 25 with my previous one, you'll notice how the difference in number of listen is significantly big. I think it was becoz I was younger then and music is everything. Oh, it still is. it's just, I got bored easily and I ended up listening to audio stories on youtube. IT'S THE AGE FREAKING FACTOR! hahaha so much for 'age is just a number' shit. ah well.. got any songs you wish to recommend to me? recommend them in the comment box. 😉 . . .
Hi guys, Yes, another scheduled post. This time, I'm gonna share with you songs that I think will lift up your spirit (or spirits in case you have many). To make it easy for me, I'm gonna stick to one artist, or unlimited number of artists.
LOL
it's not NCT without a picture of their official lightstick.
Sooo
Ok, how about I just say, "from One Group" for now? Yes? Yes. NCT currently have 4 sub units: NCT U, NCT127, NCT Dream, and WayV. I have listened and downloaded every NCT songs. Ok maybe not listen to all songs lah ah. but I have them. ( ͡° ͜Ê– ͡°) I just recently come across the sub-unit WayV. and I'm not sure if they have any songs out. but I'm guessing they are doing the Chinese version of the existing NCT songs? Maybe? I'm not sure.
Moving on. without further a do, here is the list: 1. Firetruck - NCT 127 2. Whiplash - NCT 127 3. Paradise- NCT 127 4. BOSS (because I'm a fcuking BOSS!! LOL!) - NCT U 5. 1,2,3 - NCT Dream 6. Regular (English Version) - NCT 127 7. Touch (Japanese version) - NCT 127 8. Candle Light - NCT Dream 9. Without You - NCT U 10. Cherry Bomb - NCT 127 I didn't plan on making a 10-song list but that's what happened when you try to quickly finish this post. á•™(⇀‸↼‶)á•— also, I am not NCT 127 bias. it just so happened SM releases NCT 127 songs more often. go and nag SM. Let me know if I introduce you to your new favorite songs, yeah?
I have something agaisnt her for some reason. maybe she reminds me of an old buddy.
LOL Anyway, I know she has a new song, Down, out at the moment, but I can't talk about that now since I have not listen to it, yet. So, lets talk about her first mini album, UN2VERSE took me forever to finally decided to download the album. coz I remembered how I feel about Taeyeon and her first mini album, and thought I'd give Jessi's a chance.
boi! I was not disappointed. I stand by my words; don't judge a song from its MV.
hahahaha I think I like Arrived. coz it's in English. LOL Gucci is thug.
Her singing voice is gorgeous. I don't know about her rapping tho. I mean, I can rap along, so thats cool. LOL Seriously guys, if you want to stan a song, don't watch the MV. Listen to the audio first. coz chances are, you'll straight up hate a song when the MV sucks.
Westlife days are over but my loyalty to my fav lad never ends! Nicky Byrne released his album recently and aku baru download last Thursday.
THERE WERE VERY AWESOME SONGS! WELL DONE NICO! he deserved this solo. Time Westlife, he wasn't given much chance to show his ability to sing. You can read his protest over this issue during Allow Me To Be Frank album making inWestlife - Our Story book. I posted once that I know he can be the awesome singer that he is if he was given equal number of solos during Westlife, just like how Taemin was given the chances in SHINee songs. if you curious which post, clickhere to reread that post xD the part yg had me grinning so wide was the part cNicky sang something along the line 'thank you for mendangani liat bula sampai aher2' in one of the song (msani masih inda pasti which song pasal I listen the album once saja baru *ketawa*). it was the sweetest thing! and for sure he was singing about his wife, Georgina! My feels~~ macam time zaman Westlife I miss them! I'm so glad they are now releasing album of their own. I haven't listen properly to any of Markus Feehily's songs/album. He's not so active on Twitter these days. (or aku yg jarang masuk Twitter dah masa ni xP) anyway, All the best to Nicky Byrne. I'm sure your cheekiness, your charm when you sing will bring you far. (whats Hwaiting in Irish?) . . .
Coz I am jobless and hating my job (plus a certain someone) to death (╹◡╹)凸
I am making myself busy by trying to memorize this song by the end of this week.
This song was supposed to be easy because it has so much English that I don't understand why is it not in English saja? щ（ﾟДﾟщ）
But it's not easy. I'm always off key during the chorus (not saying I wasn't during any other part of the song; it's just I am more off-key-err during the chorus). and I really don't know how I else I should do it.
I only just realize that I actually have the minus one (meaning the karaoke version or on the official Track List says 'Close To Me (Inst)' Inst being instrument only) version of this song! Now I can record myself (as I usually do when I'm "memorizing" a song) and pretended that I'm in some kind of a studio, recording my new single (n˘v˘•)¬ Currently I've recorded two and I'm not very happy with the outcome.
Practice makes perfect they said.
But I say, lets just give it a rest for tonight and try again ...say, next month.
ahahahaha
So for now, enjoy.
Here's the romanized lyrics for you to read.
Let's memorize together! xD
Sitting alone kabe ni motare reminiscing
Taiyo falling thru kigi no suki ma kara
Now I'm so sorry Konnanimo afure teru
Amai kaori ni
kizuite you're my something I'll be next to you
Am I getting too close? I just want you to stay
Zutto isshoda yo and don't go away
you're always here with me Ima, ai no uta ryute tsutsumikonde hanasanaide
Sono nukumori o kawarazu ni
Now I'm getting you close to me
Mayoikonda koneko no yo It's embarrassing
Kako mo, ima mo, mirai everyday
I'm looking at pictures and know you and then donna ni datte
Aoku tada so clear
Kizuite you're my something I'll be next to you
Am I getting too close? I just want you to stay
Zutto isshoda yo and don't go away
You're always here with me imma ai no uta ryute tsutsumikonde hanasanaide
Sono nukumori o kawarazu ni
now I'm getting you close to me
You are the sin, you are the light
You are in my perfect picture, here I am
mo hitostu can I ask
Oh am I getting too close
I just want you to stay zutto isshoda yo and don't go away
you're always here with mr imma ai no uta ryute tsutsumikonde hanasanaide
Sono nukumori o kawarazu ni
and now I'm getting you close to me (close to me)
oh I'll be next to you now I'm getting you close to me
Here's also the live version
I have a love/hate thing with this live version. i hate it coz she used too much nostril voice. I love it coz towards the end when she builds up the song, it's her awesome live voice that made me love her so much! but no matter, you gotta respect BoA for getting where she is now. I know she deserves it. I'm not really a 'constant' fan of hers but from where I've been following her up until now, I've seen her hard work and versatility. I just hope she will stop trying so hard to break it into the US (as in becoming English). She is great where she is now, she should focus on that. I'm not saying she shouldn't try at all. I'm saying stop 'trying too hard' and lose focus. that's all I'm saying. Remember her Make Your Move movie? BoA was the female lead and at one point the movie was just trying so hard to make this Aya's character 'awesome' like she can switch languages without trouble; speaking Japanese to her friend and then spoke Korean with her brother in the same conversation. It's just, maybe not the best way to sell a movie? I don't know. Critical Analyzing maybe one of the Sept characteristics but Music/Movie business isn't really my forte so, imma shut dap now. Maybe I should try and stay focus instead~(◠﹏⊙✿) . . .
You learn something new everyday. I sure learned a lot about myself in recent weeks. that I am not a complete arse. LOL Last Monday I learned that Chinese beliefs that its bad luck to right your name in red ink. I forced a customer to sign our acknowledgment form with a red ink pen. She asked me hesitantly whether I have any other colored pen beside the red one that I just lend her. I told her 'no' and she briefly said to me that there's a 'pantang' for them to write in red ink. I was like, 'Oh' and nodded but I was very malas to go to my table to retrieve a different colored pen thus she, ever so reluctantly, signed and with a very obvious pause, write down her name (although she wrote it bersambung2, very unclear) too. When our transaction was done at the counter and I returned to my table, I straight away told my colleague about what just happened and the colleague, who is also Chinese, told me about the beliefs. and I felt guilty. Like, what if the customer met an unfortunate event after what I just made her do? Now, I know I don't really belief that but I was guilty all the same and since what happened can't be undone, I do the next logical thing. I put 5 blue colored pen at our counter so that what happened with her won't have to happen to the next person. I maybe a skeptic but she has her beliefs too. the least I can do is to respect that. So, Lesson Learned: always bring blue colored pen when attending customer for signing acknowledgement. I normally do but i don't know why I didn't that day and had to resort with the red ink pen I saw on the counter. hmm.. sorry, customer. I will try my best not to let that happen again. *scout honor* . . .
I was at a family function a couple of weeks ago
and I noticed/realised a lot of things.
their sister-in-laws were treating us like what.
the younger cousins were doing it too.
the cousins, of course, lagi dashyat.
People are just prone to be a blind judge.
I mean, what ever happened in the past had nothing to do with me, or you. it's our parents disputes.
So, what the hell are we doing?
Mom always drag me to 'these' cousins functions because the adults are 'all over it' (so they say). but they'd forgotten what they had done to the next generation of cousins.
I would've act neutral if they would. but everytime I set my mind to be neutral, smiling and greet people politely, they always ended up like a fucktard bitch. EVEN the men/guys/boys.
LIKE SERIOUSLY WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!
and my mom wondered why I never wanted to go?
Mom knew of course, or knew just a little and often telling me off when I got mad. she said, 'tani jangan tah ikut2an bejahat. Mun inda, sama tah tani jua macam drg tu'.
*rolled eyes*
Tau plang ku. ganya, I'm still just human and a human can only stand to a certain limit.
and My way of not bad mouthing them is TO NOT see them. EVER.
the less I see the lot of them , the better I feel. the less I 'mengumpat'. the less I 'sakit hati'.
I know they're not all like that. they are VERY nice people too. just not much.
and it's just THAT side of that family. always.
I don't know what their problem is.
all I'm asking is, just, GET OVER YOURSELVES. THE WORLD DOESN'T REVOLVE AROUND YOU.
. . .
the world is not split into good people and Death Eaters - Sirius Black.
