you know that feeling when you are so down and everything around you insisted to be wrong?
yeah, I'm having that feelings now.
it's frustrating and discouraging and demotivating.
maybe I'm the one who is unhappy in the first place but instead of everything else remain neutral as I wished, things just, don't.
So, all I'm doing right now is, to remain stagnant. like how my life has been for the past few years.
I'm usually a self-motivate person but today, I don't feel like motivating myself. I mean, what's the point really?
a/n: images are not mine
. . .
Emotions run high today. or rather, kemarin.
It was the final day before the half-yearly bank closing etc plus we were all anxious about finishing our workload in fear that on Saturday would be the public holiday for Ramadhan.
Rude words were exchanged. Snide remarks shouted everywhere. Particularly from this woman from another unit. I admit that it was partly because of me being 'serious' to her. and when I was raising my voice to my juniors, 'the' woman screamed back to me. Well, she had her back at me but I knew it was meant for me. Macam, dude! Terasa plang di sana atu!
Panas lah hati ku. Malu pasal, luan jua inda betauliahnya bekeraja ani? I know tani satu department, tapi meneriaki cematu atu (walau cemana stress pun kau) kurang ajar bah tu. Besyukur ku kalau ku marah, aku prefer diam2 walaupun hati ku rasa kan teriak2. Satu, ko memalukn urg. Dua, ko memalukn diri sendiri.
Tapi lapas tu we were ok coz I asked her why she screamed so loud when I was raising my voice to my juniors. She said she couldn't remember why she screamed. I think, we both became adult there; eventhough kami tau what happened tapi we decided to let it go.
and then, I realised, in that place, we are all Dobby.
Yes, Dobby the HouseElf from Harry Potter series.
Why?
Because, We are slaved to the management. We hated them for being too cruel and even so we still love our job (and that overcome the shitty environment). At certain point we also defended them because they are our 'master'.
Macam Dobby kn? Slaved, mastered but we love our job. (I mean, I love my job and my routine. I just hate the environment)
of course, we are not bound for life at BBB.
I could just walk away but I have commitments to take care of. bukan urg kaya kn sanang2 beranti bila 'had enough'.
If only...
Anyway, I just thought of a phrase; memang bulih meminta maaf and memaafkan. tapi hati kalau sudah tersinggung, sampai mati pun masih ingat.
bak kata pepatah ong puteh, 'Forgive but Never Forget!'.
Yatah, kadang2, baik diam2. Kalau marah, jan luan ikut emosi and cakap suka2 hati or teriak suka2 hati. take a deep breath and think for a moment. Ingat, klu tani memalukan urg, bukn maruah urg sja gugur, meruah tani pun ikut gugur. Why? dah tani inda lagi terhormat kn urg, cemana urg kan hormat tani? Kan?
Ani untuk muhasabah diri ku jua. Kan aku ani pun pemental jua. tapi tujuh taun ku keraja, inda ku pernah meneriaki urg cematu. Sungguh kurang ajaran! Inda betauliah! Awu! sakit ati ku masih mengenangkannya. I know aku patut bersih kan hati pasal inda lagi batah Ramadhan tiba tapi..eh. adang tah. ada yg inda beraya karang taun ani. Hahaha ganas..
eh..baik tah..
. . .
went on a movie 'outing' with a colleague last couple of weeks. Lelaki. and just us two.
at first, I thought, nyeh normal outing, mcm sama cZawir.
but as soon as we met at the agreed meeting place, boy was I wrong.
ok, maybe I am reading too much into this but there were serious 'hitting on' that night. I wont go into details but it was so creepy and embarrassing to say the least.
If he agreed that that night was just a normal 'colleague' movie outing, he shouldn't;
- Suggested to me that I should wear a shortlegged coverall with knee-high socks when I was wearing a longsleeve tshirt and bertudung. Excuse me? were you embarass about my appearance? I said I wouldn't read too much into it but it is still offensive.
- He also shouldn't have suggested how I can cover up before going out of the house and changed once outside. Because, I may not be that close with my mom but we have an unspeakable trust between us. and i have never deceived her that way.
- Let me carry the tray of food from the counter to our seats. I know. to some, maybe this is nothing. but to me, it's THAT big of a deal.
- Hide the fact that he was not officially broken off his engagement. (I know he was engaged. I heard rumors that he wasn't anymore and before the movie outing, I asked him 'tunang mu ok inda?' to which he shook his head and I didnt press on becoz I don't want to seem insensitive about the subject. You know, mana tau ia broken hearted kh, bru di putusnya tunang kh. but stupid me! I should've known better. 'Org Gila' said the same thing, didn't he? and he didn't actually broke it off, did he? JUST. STUPID.) and had me guarded the whole night. scared that I would be a victim of 'kana tampar mengajut' and called 'perampas tunang orang' or something. I was mostly embarass about this part. more embarrass than when I was carrying the tray. ARGH! MEN ARE SO STUPID!
- have treated me like I was that easy. coz, I would've kick your sorry ass, if you thought that your sap story about your relationship would make me all sorry and all over you.
- have make me feel so stupid about myself. Coz, I am not stupid.
But most of all, I shouldn't have agreed to go out with him in the first place.
I'm not gona again. especially when he kept on bragging about how he didn't approach the girl and it was her who approach him. and that I was offering him to watch the movie instead of the other way round. I reminded him, of course, that it was his idea, not mine.
ARGH! what. a. duche!
thank you man, for making me feel so stupid.
this should be a reminder to all that, don't be like me. Ok? I trust people too easy despite me being guarded and all. just do what Professor Moody told us to do, "Constant Vigilant!"
why can't genuinely good man ever happened to me??
. . .
the following sets of GIFs had me laughing long time.
hahahaha. that last GIFs.
we all know about Onew's 'obsession' over chicken, right?
cr: to real Owner on tumblr.com *thumbs up* very creative of you.
. . .
