Hello April

hi..

I'm afraid I'm behind again with my Recaps. I got sick right after 3rd day raya and now it's the 26th day of Syawal now and I'm recovering. Sigh. I duno but maybe its the age thing; when I got sick especially throat related, it'd took forever to recover. So let's pray this week will end with me getting really better. Kalau masih coughing pun, kahaknya no longer exist and then by next week, no more cough.

Amin ya rabb.

Apparently it's Coachella week and eventhough uri Taemin is there - releasing no less than 3 new songs - I'm still not interested. ahahah I mean I still watched that guy videos as in passed thru my feed, he was apparently a home decor designer? and his camp was very ikea-isque. I'm mostly happy that he wasn't gross coz he took proper showers. The Justin Bieber clips that I saw was pretty nostalgic walaupun I wasn't a true bieliber I'm just a fan of his songs, they are all good songs. Awal2, I saw posts about people complaining about his set but soon after I saw posts appreciating his set. and when I saw the performance clips, I agreed too. It was nice. I don't think Coachella was a 'traditional' performance stage so whatever artists do there are or were mostly for vibes. Bigbang was there too. I didn't see or hear much of their set but from Threads,  apparently their sets were the most K-pop stage there was. and I nodded on that. I was never a VIP and honestly have never really listen to their songs properly but I respect that they are big groups out of Gen 2. The Sabrina thing was just another reason to not support I guess. was never a fan - almost becoming a fan from a netflix movie but nah. Just another blonde shell. It reminded me of another blonde; I was a fan of Taylor Swift up until Red album. I was even a part of the 'rerecord' era too but yeah. it's a pain to sing a long to her old songs now. I cought myself singing along to the old country songs some times and I don't mind. anyways. I miss Miley first album, Breakout. I wanna listen to that now.

did I rambled? I did. ahahahah in all honesty, I wanted to print out some pictures so that I can paste them in my journal. Sekali I on my laptop, set my keyboard and all that and made me wanna blog a little bit.

I've printed my pictures so now time for journal entry.

Is this random? it is. rasa macam kan delete saja all the rambling above tapi macam maybe you can see how my brain works nowadays 😂

Ok, bye.

Isuk2 I continue with my recaps.

Pray for my good health.

the picture I wanted to print. 

it's the candy from The Grave of the Fireflies but in Demon Slayer version.

I bought them via Shopee.

another one of those expensive candies I bought (ovvy in Japan its normal priced candy but you know how logistics and consumerism works). LOL.

hashtag keranamudemonslayer

Final week of Puasa 2026

Morning lovely people,

scheduled post but not a recap. Life update. sorta...

its the 25th day of puasa already and I know from the moment aku terskip creating schedule posts during my Singapore trip that I will be missing a few more. and that made me almost start neglecting this blog again.

Why? coz I feel like I fail. Fail in posting the same amount of posts in February as I did back in January and now it's impossible to naikkan the number of posts for March as we are already half way thru the month. Failing again. 

But I told myself, I can't be quitting every time I break a streak (aka making scheduled post daily). It's ok to not post daily when time is limited or when I simply can't make time to compose a post. It's ok. let's treat it as taking a break from writing instead. It's ok. time puasa tah lagi. Yang tani simply don't have time kan buat barang lain; tidur aher (ani salah sendiri lol) lapas tu kan bangun sahur lagi, lapas tu kan kraja lagi. balik kraja sudah pukul berapa. sungkai. lapas to, repeat. No time man. 

Priorities change buat masa ani and I think I need to learn to not be so hard on myself. 

after this post, I might missed a few more posts but I'll to get back to it after puasa / during raya.

my Bob 💖

Happy Snake Year 🐍

I think it's a snake year.

hello 2025.

another year, another wiser, ey?

I probably said in the previous post that I will try and post something but here we are again, making my traditional happy-new-year post.

Do I even have a life update? 

Well lets reflect back on 2024 a little bit:

1. Work wise.

for the first time in my 17 year of working, I was given a recognition certificates. Yes, plural! TWICE! first was during Half-yearly and the second one was during our End of Year lunch (which was done on 30 Nov coz no one wants to come on the 31 Dec LOL).

Can you imagine the warm feelings of getting acknowledge? after years being told you "haven't done much" to the department? It was so touching. Finally someone acknowledge my work / my work ethics. All the supposed little things I do to ensure the smooth running of the department (filing, making sure the dept stationery are in order/ready stock, cleaning/housekeeping folders) which previously kena minimize, are now being acknowledged and confirmed that it is A JOB. All those time that I was left "alone" to fend for the department and no one bat an eyelid (but when it was them, the whole world needs to know) and I was now thanked for?

Imagine the satisfaction! and of course, alhamdulillah! finally the truth is out. I mean, the truth about how I am not the worst of workers LOL. coz damn! for years I was made to believe that I was the worst. I mean I did tell myself that (I am not the worst) every now and then coz I did realize earlier on that I am not the worst? knowing and being shown what you know are two different things, ok?

Favoritism. 

That was what it was all about.

oh mind you, I have a new boss. in case I haven't mention that in previous posts.

I can now look forward to a more brighter future for myself in that company. InsyaAllah.

2. Travel.

Yo, I only travel overseas 4 times last year? 

Mar - Singapore for SHINee concert

May - KK for fam vacation

Sep - Miri for my birthday

Nov - Miri again, just becoz LOL

but one big reason I didn't really plan much was becoz my work is currently in the process of changing to a new system, thus, there were blocked months. So in order to not feel like my plan kena crush, better for me to not have any.

The same goes for this year as well. The migration is set for June 2025 so our months are block until end of 2025. There goes my Japan trip 2025 I guess..

but you never know. Things could change and ease up sooner than expected. Let's hope for the best.

3. My allergy reaction gotten worst at 37

yea, you read that right. I just got the worst allergic reaction final week of December. It started from two mosquitoes bite, led to an allergic reaction to one or two medicine, led me to a new doctor, and now, still recovering. 

It went from just shoulder, upper body itch, then both arms, torso, bikini line, and then slowly crept down to my thighs, legs, and feet.

Crazy experienced. Never had it that bad before. Paling-paling ah, mild swollen eyes, gatal-gatal dalam leher or lips kalau salah makan udang (I can eat udang just fine but sometimes some udang just makes me itch. oh, no bubuk/baby udang for me), and once in a blue moon, hives, that will be gone after one day.

Anyway, I am itching just telling this story but alhamdulillah, not as bad as it was last week. the red circles still ada but not as many as it was that first night. *shudder

Praying it will be gone by tomorrow. Aminn

What to look forward to in 2025?

definitely good health. I really need to start running again. or work. Which ever will help me lose some weight.

I need to focus on posting on my main IG again LOL walaupun not a priority at the moment.

I also need to post and be more organize with my second IG.

should I continue making monthly covers? yes. Should I stress about it? no.

I am currently waiting for my Syabab Planner. the Seller said it is currently waiting for shipment queue from HQ. hmm..like 2025 is here already..but if i can wait for my kpop Season's Greetings, I guess I can wait for this one as well. 

speaking of Kpop SG, I ordered Onew's one. no update on this. Sigh, i guess we're gonna me using this 'planner' in January huh?

Oh I didn't mention this here yet but I'm currently playing Harry Potter : Magic Awakened, a Harry Potter (duh) card game. well, I thought it was a card game. I found out about it when I was in Japan, Jun 2023. I downloaded the game as it launches and I have been playing since. Ok, ada period yang I ignore the game but after what happened back in August 2024; the US version of the game was shutting down, I had to adjust my Apple ID from US to Brunei, transfer game code from US-Warner Bros to Netease, the Asian owner of the game, (It was a whole new level of gaming for me coz I spent REAL money on this game!) I remind myself to log in at least once a day. I am currently in year 4, Charm level 91. it says my admission was on 29 Jun 2023, so I have been playing this game for over a year now.

oh another one. remember LINE Play? yeah.as of 20 May 2024, the game was closed. I played that game for maybe 8-9 years? man. that's the longest game I've ever played. even though towards the final year, I was just simply logging in to check and it was during one of this check that I found out it was closing down. That was in Mar 2024. At first I thought they were just closing a section of the game, like they did with one of their section before but I was wrong. I don't know when I realized that I was wrong about the information but once I did, I was finally back playing the game and taking lots of screenshots. I didn't spent real money on this game (thank God) but I did save at least 1 Million coins for I don't know what coz most of the items especially the Gacha collections were using Cash (real money) so i ended up saving 1 Million for nothing. Towards that final month tho, the game was giving out like thousands of Cash and I was playing the Gacha like mad. LOL I mean, merasai how it feels to have that kind of money in the game and get all the coolest items. ahahaha

Anyway, I should make a separate post for these games since I took so many screenshots. I clearly have a plan to share it somewhere other than in my diary/journal. We'll see *smirk

Ok I think that is a good length for an update.

I hope I will see you again next time. Lets pray its not gonna be a new year post in 2026 LOL.

In the mean time, hope 2024 had been good to you and I pray for all the good things to come to me and you in 2025. 

ok, bye.

Happy 2023

Happy new year!!

I mean, it's already the 23rd. New year is still a new year.

Oh, and also Happy Chinese New year too to those who celebrate. It's the year of the Rabbit and I'm manifesting that this will be my year of positive changes.

Life updates?

I have reached 15 years working life. In the same department. You have read and witness my break down becoz of it too. So, I decided this year, I will look for a transfer to another department and out of the company entirely. If I'm not happy anymore, I must make this change. Just the other day, I was watching and old video diary where I rant frustration of their treatment on me, the lack of appreciation. I also came across a post here where I rant about how I was being singled out for having a strong opinion and attitude. That confirmed my decision for a change, to leave. It's better to change environment and be scared of the changes that comes with it than to have stayed, knowing what's gonna happen.

Travels! I have one coming in Feb. for a Westlife concert! Finally!! I waited my whole life for this. like, literally. I said to myself that to go to at least one concert and my westgal life will be complete. I haven't book a flight tho. Hotel already done. I haven't got a chance to book flight yet. Not money problem. More like, I want to change the flight tix voucher I won at our Annual Dinner, from Kuala Lumpur to Singapore coz I'll be going to Westlife concert in Singapore. The hold back is becoz I wanted to just fly to KL using that voucher and buy a separate flight tix for Singapore. The thing is, going to KL is not in my plan! I have to settle this tho by this week. Hoping the company where the voucher is from is not on a long CNY holiday. :S

My crafts. My creativity. My passion. It's been how many years now that I have my second IG up? I started posting 30 Sep 2020 and and now already 23 Jan 2023 which means (as helped by my calculator xD) I have my second IG for 2 years and almost 4 months! wahhh..feels like I only started posting last year. The fact that I already did my first ever flip thru of 2022 should have made me realize time already flew by. wow. Speaking of flip thru, I feel like I want to do another one or three of my previous years' creations or recreations. but that would mean I need to dig out old journals. I am not spiritually ready for that LOL. I still like the idea tho. So, it'll still come true. hopefully to fill in the rest of my January post days. Hwaiting

Reading! I read alright. just not an actually books. My attention span isn't what it used to be. I finished at least two books last year. Wait, let me double check. anything that I feel I did last year is now suspicious. LOL ok ngam, last year. The Ballad of Songbirds and Snakes by Suzanne Collins in January, and The Desolations of Devil's Acre by Ransom Riggs in Apr. I tried reading other books but it was just not happening. My body and soul just wouldn't commit! In November I tried again with Paige Toon's The Longest Holiday but by page 34, sudah tah ku. lol Luckily, I still read a fanfic by an online friend I met at Asianfanfics. I still count that as my 'Read' in my habit tracker. I've read many of her stories every since I found her. Currently waiting for updates on current story, Aquarius. a sequel to Water Lily. In December, I read two books by Rachel Gibson online. Spicy~ I have a physical copy of her book I bought from Besteastern. but those books in the end stop selling here in our country. lol pasal apa nah? Explicit content. hahaha I bought that book in my early twenties and didn't realize its genre until much much later. it's corn in written form guys. or as booktok and bookgram put it, Spicy~ The story line is still good tho. I have read three written by Rachel Gibson and all three has three different backgournd. All about writers tho. Until I realize, it was Writer Friends series from her. hahaha ah well, anyway. At least, in total, I have read 4 books in 2022. Hoping to get back to reading in 2023 coz booktok and bookgram made me buy books to read (or to simply collect to be honest).

Alrighty, that is all that I can think for a life update.

I suddenly have a sudden urge to update so many here but we all know how I be; Motivated one minute, gone the next. LOL

thank you for reading this far as always. 

Love,

AJ Awang.

Netflix Update 4

 back again.

let's continue on with series that I've watched on Netflix thus far.

I think this is what I like lots about series on Netflix. They came out / released on the same time. Except for Korean series. that still came out once a week. I'm not sure tho. I have not watch anything more after Start-Up. 

Yes, I haven't watch Squid Game. 

Anyway,

lesgo.

1.

The Willoughbys. 

Ok the storyline reminds me of the Unfortunate Events. and the vibes reminds me of Corpse Bride except with color. 

6/10 for being accentric.

2. 

Green Eggs and Ham.

took me forever to give this a watch. Even when Whos are my favorite fictional beings; the Grinch, Horton hears a Who, the Lorax.

Damm 13 episodes. 30mins each episode. patut aku put it off so long.

anyway, 10/10 will watch again. LOL

I am definitely Guy.

3. 

A Tale Dark and Grimm.

I really thought this going to be like a nother version of Hansel and Gratel but nope.

coz ada 10 episodes. 30mins each. I should've known better. LOL

a very interesting way of retelling the stories. I mean, its somewhat the original Grimm version but with a twist.

7/10 for keeping me intrigued.

4. 

Maya and the Three.

one of the teaser picture that Netflix shown reminds me of Coco. So sis download lerr. attracts my attention gitu.

9 episodes. average 45mins each episode.

I was happy when I heard Rosa's voice! 

I thought it was like Coco, maybe it is. but its more Mayan and Aztec era. (Google said 'Aztec Empire' instead of era. LOL suka2 hati ku saja pakai era).

When I watched it, I thought about wanting to play games. ahah thats how it feels like, quests. 

8/10 for the different characters development. 👍👍

I know. Looks like I watched to much cartoon here. You lucky aku malas mention Barbie. but bet yo ass I watched my Barbie on Netflix too. Last movie I watched was Barbie Big City Big Dreams.

5. 

The Irregulars.

Another version of Sherlock.

Netflix gave you Sherlock sister now, another family member.

8 episodes. almost 1hr each episode.

LOVE!  10/10 recommend.

6.

Shadow and Bone.

heard that this is from a book. Makes me wanna read. I believe its from two books? I might need to do more research. one sec.

akusmi (excuse me). LOL dua book tah apa. 3 polangg. and then another 2 companion books I guess.

I didn't know that this is the Ben Barnes 'movie' that he was in. I know Ben Barnes as Prince Caspian. hee but reason why I decided to watch this is becoz the army outfit reminds me Prince of Persia. So, Baltic? (Google said Baltic Language or Baltic People. I'm going with Baltic People lol anyway, the map they show is area that my head go to when I said Baltic 😊) Yea, the army outfit attracts me to watch this series.

8 episodes. 1hr per episode.

10/10 will read those books. and Netflix said another season is coming and I wanna watch that too.

Ok. enough length on this post. final Netflix update next. See ya.

WASSUUPP 2.0

how to post after 9 months of not posting anything? how to make it less awkward? how to make it not sound ignorant?

* apologize in youtuber *

😂

I guess I'm just gonna update you guys about the happening when I was not posting here.

Update No. 1: I have two IGs. and no, I wasn't as active at either of them. lol I tried to be active on the second one becoz I've continued to buy creative supplies and if i'm not posting about that addiction there, then what is the purpose? So I posted more on the second IG than the first one. I still active reposting posts I liked on both IG stories tho. So that's that. oh, last September 2021 was my one year anniversary with my second IG 🥳️🥳️🥳️

Update no. 2: ummm nothing much happened really in between April and Jul. Just another friendship fall out and I guess I'm to blame, as another friend said to me, "PMS ko kh?" I guess a woman is always at fault for being too emotional 🤷🏻‍♀️ hahaha people my age are getting married / having babies left and right and here I am, still having friendship problems. 🤣🤣

Update no. 3: Second wave of the pandemic hits Brunei in August 2021 where partial lockdown was implemented. it was very bleaked. I forgot how I got thru the first one and it seems like I kenot take it. I still worked at the office. My team split into two. I'm with Team 1 at the main office. Like, i said. this second one is especially tiring. We may be given permission to go home one hour early or whenever the work is finished. But my boss is the type that don't like for you to go home early before everything is finish. So, even when Team 2 has done their part and go home, Team 1 still have to finish up and sometimes still go home at 5pm the earliest and me, what is balik awal? 

On 15th Dec 2021 tho, Brunei entered the Endemic Phase. I don't know what that means. coz it still feels like partial lockdown. I am still working like normal. working hour back to normal, balik 5:30pm but thats normal for me. hahaha i don't see the difference. We still work in a split team. I don't see the point. 

Update no. 4: That same August month, I was officially diagnosed with Hypertension. I was 33.

I was actually first told I have 'high blood pressure' when my company was having this 'wellness check' back in December 2020. My BP was too high at that time that they want to call an ambulance straight away to bring me to the emergency. but i know my boss won't let me and i was right. when i informed her about it she was like, "just go on Saturday" that day was Tuesday; four days later. So, I sat on my work place and thought 'welp. if she thinks it can wait till Saturday, i guess its not important'. Realizing too late tho, that night, she did told me to go to nearby clinic to "have a peace of mind" as she put it and get myself checked again. Here's the truth about her that I have known but never spoke out loud; her only worry about me going into emergency that Tuesday was she will have one short staff when she was in the middle of a project and my absence will effect the operation flow. 

I did go and have myself checked twice with the same doctor, and once with another doctor, and then another doctor. These three doctors informed me that I was too young to be given a medicine; short info, once you eat high BP medicine, you kenot stop. like ever. So they suggested a change in my diet, exercise, and one doctor insist that I should sleep more. that was the best advise I've ever heard from anyone. but I have been having trouble sleeping for years. Some say it's the internet. some say it's a heart break. but I say, I'm just stress. 

I used to be able to sleep like *snap fingers* like that. but not anymore. I told that doctor that the reason why I sleep so late was becoz, night time is the only time I can be creative; journaling. it's the only time I feel like I am myself after hours during the day spent at the office. His other suggestion was, sleep early and do my stuff in the morning before I go to work. it's the nicest thing people ever suggested me do. Most people told me stop and be an adult. like, have you been one? it's so bleak!

Anyway, thats a little bit of story about my medical journey. It wasn't fun. being diagnosed with hypertension doesn't make me less stress, it actually heighten it. Especially on that August Day when the Hospital doctor scolded me for agreeing to other doctors to not start eating the medicine. like, bruh! they're the doctors! of course I listened to them. apadaa.. So, yeah. I makan ubat sekarang. 😬 oh, actually, one of the other doctors actually noticed my high BP back in early Jan 2020 but he told me, high BP won't effect my driving. I just nodded at that time. It wasn't until that Dec 2020 that i realized why the doctor was talking about high BP when I don't even know that I have it. So scary. my sister-in-law did say that many of the youngster that was hospitalized have strokes becoz they didn't know they had high BP. alhamdulillah I finally found out about it but currently hanya bertawaqqal for continuous good health. Aminn ya Rabb.

Update no.5: looks like we will be allowed to travel again by next year. I hope so. coz I can't take it anymore! I have to at least go far away at least once a year. far away where no one can reach me easily. I see artist are now doing live concerts again so there's hope. I was watching fancams of NCT127 The Link live concert in Seoul and it was weird. I only watched clips of it but its weird to watch a fancam and not here screaming. they mostly claps but dammmm be more enthusiastic czennies! like clap until your hand sore. dammm. it's like, the atmosphere would've been better online. at least the artist can here screaming. ani mcm, *bunyi crickets or chacadas* anyway, 

I WANNA TRAVEL 2022! 🤲🤲SOLO JAPAN TRIP 2.0 IN 2022 MANIFEST! 🤲🤲

Update no.6: we have new baby fruities; a sweet baby gurlll! Now I have 4 nephews and 2 nieces. 

Update no.7: currently recovering well from a fever that suddenly attacks me on 17th Dec right as i was trying to sleep. I couldn't kept waking up every hour until 1am. and thats when I realized my face and neck was warm and freaked out coz I need to go to work on 18th Dec (coz some management decided it was a good idea to drastically changed their system on 9th Dec and expect everyone to update before 20 Dec. like why?). So I ate medicine to cool my fever and it worked but my body was so weak still as i arrived at the office at 8:30am and by 5pm I was so done. I requested from my boss to leave early than 5:30pm, the time was like 5:19pm when I finally finished end of day report and she was still unhappy looking but FU. You lucky I still push myself to come to work. other people would've not. Lucky I'm not the fainting type too coz if I was, I would've sued. 😊

My Allergy

hi guys.

Updates.

My allergic reaction to cats.

back story:
Ever since I was little, We, as a family, have always had cats; house cats, stray cats outside, etc. 
In my teenage years, I began having this sneezing fit whenever I pet/hugged/played with cats
BUT the reaction subsides after I washed/blew my nose. I'll have blocked nose for awhile but in the end, I'll be fine and I even slept in one bed with the cats. it's like, I became immune.
At one point (the point when we had two house cats), my mom started saying, "Ko ani allergic kucing kali" coz this sneezing fit happened almost every time I played with cats. I blatantly stopped my mom by saying, "apa plang allergic yg dari damit (aku) tinggal sama kucing". and that was that of that conversation.

Fast forward:
by this point we have lived at our new home for 5 years and for that duration, our previously house cats have been living in their own house outside of our house (properly sheltered and comforted, don't worry). Meaning, I have never stayed in one room with any cats for longer than 15 minutes top. Sometimes I don't even see them for a whole day. Mind you, these are family aka my mom's cats, sooo she see/baby-ed them more often than I do.
anyway,
my sneezing fit reaction still exists but the moment I get away from their place, it usually stops. and that was that.


1st major incident.
I was at my sister's house. she has a house cat named Tiger. 

LOOK AT HIM!

I used to house-sit her house whenever they go vacation. and of course, sneezing fit will occur but after I do my clean-nose-under-running-water-wash-face-wash-hand routine, it'll stop. as always.
but for some reason, earlier this month, when I went to her house to hang out, my sneezing fit became a little severe? and all I did was pet si Tiger macam biasa kalau aku ke rumah durang. Like, what gives?
No matter how many times I blew my nose and washed it, the sneezing won't stop. I soon developed a blocked nose, headache and my upper teeth felt like it was about to fall off.
I knew it was the cat and I knew if the usual clean up routine didn't work, the best thing to do is to take myself out of that environment. So, I left my sister's house unusually early.
It was like I had a common cold. hence, when I get home, I took Panadol ActiFast before going to bed.
I was fine the next day.


2nd Major incident.
happened just last Monday at Zawir's. LOL
It was a mini birthday celebration for the sister. and I was invited.
as I arrived, the mom introduced their house cat to me.
The moment the cat was shown to me, I started having itchy nose and soon enough, my sneezing fit arrived. but that didn't stop me from playing with the cat! Like, it's so ranik and easily entertain, like, you have to play with it.

IMAGE NOT MINE

but the cat look similar to the real thing tho

The whole time, I tried to mask the irritation. LOL fail tho. Zawir thought it was the airconditioning. It was not bro. It was the cat.
Despite the reaction, I actually stayed sampai pukul 7 malam. hashtag stubborn. coz I really thought it would go away. Guess who is wrong~~? 
but really by that time, I really cannot tahan the feeling of my upper teeth about to fall off. So, sis balik.
When I arrived home, my eyes felt 'thick' and when I looked in the mirror, they were slightly puffy (no picture guys, you gotta take my word for it). I quickly clean up and eat my trusty Panadol ActiFast and within the next couple of hours, the symptoms subsides. except the blocked nose. that one took longer.
but unlike last time, the next day, I still have runny nose. my only worry now is people might be suspicious of me, what's with the corona virus issue and all. 

In conclusion, I declared myself allergic to cats now. Like, REALLY allergic to cats now. Dulu, bulih lagi ku cuba clean my nose and get myself ammune but I can no longer do that. Hashtag Faktur Umurrrrr.
I still love cats tho. I will still pet them. or gumas2. or param2. or pirik2. LOL I mean, cats have been with me my entire life! I can't just be without cats! don't be ridikulus.
Paksa belimit saja lah from now on.

BUT WHY THO?!

WHY NOW?

. . .

Updates!!

Hi guys,

Yes, I have been gone! 
I don't know if I am back coz I said that last time and I went back to being gone.
So.. 🤷

Life updates!
Obviously I'm still very active in real life (or I wouldn't be doing this post now 😜)



First update!
I turned 32 on 10th Sep. 

and I got myself a new car. 

"Wahhh so fancy~" I can already here you guys.
No. 
One, it's a loan. Two, I have a project for buying a new car (i'll update on this nanti 😉). and
Three, buying a new car is actually a long-time-coming thing. I wanted to 'buy' one back in July 2019 but becoz purchasing a car is a long time commitment (in Brunei, as far as I know, it's a loan for 7 years), I have to give a thorough consideration; will I be able to commit myself to it? how will my budget be once I have it? is it sustainable? that kind of considerations.
Some smart-ass will be thinking, "tapi ko single, apa yang kan ko ingau kn?" (but you're single, what are you worrying for?) Well, to that, I say, SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!



which bring us to the next update; my thoughts on being Single and Worry-less.

For a long time, I've been hearing this "You're still single, no commitment" or "wait until you have family, lagi banyak kan dipikirkan" or "eh single, tapi stress"
💆
Ya Allah, give me the patience to remain classy in responding to this ricecooker!

For the longest time as well, I succumbed to feeling that yes, they were right. I'm single. I shouldn't be like this or I shouldn't feel like this. I should be carefree.
until..I come to my senses and brace!
Every one of us, every EACH of us live differently. I have the rights to worry just as much as the next person!
Sapa cakap aku single aku inda buleh stress?! who said that? who set that standard?!
My stress, my worry, or even my my-head-is-so-full-i-can't-brain-anymore, has nothing to do with me being single.
I don't understand how other people associate stress/worry/deep-thoughts with marital status.
THE FUCK WITH THAT SHIT!
Yes, aku single. but do you know, and I am speaking from my own experience here, that I have more commitment and responsibilities than that of a married couple?

Here's a chart to explain:

Ok, right. this chart only talk about MONEY and we all know money is not everything (everything else needs money tho 🤔)
BUT
trust me, when you don't have much, it becomes a struggle. AND I'm not saying I don't have enough. I have enough, ya Allah, alhamdulillah. 
BUT again.
My stress was never solely becoz how much money I don't have.
hmm how can I explain this better?
I'm not by any means "struggling" but imagine, you just have enough to get by and add that up with your environment; at home, at work, or even school! add those stress up, just try and add them up, and tell me ko inda stress? 😕
Sedangkan, from where I sit, listening to your worry about money WHEN I KNOW you have so much more than me, just add work-load, sudah tah ko jadi a banshee.
So, please, imagine, aku single ani, managing home and personal finance on my own, dengan workplace yg very testing, ko rasa, aku will remain, stress-free? I don't have the emotional range of a teaspoon like Ron.

WHO SET THE STANDARD THAT EMOTIONS ARE ASSOCIATED TO YOUR MARITAL STATUS?!

On the contrary, pasal aku single ani tah membuatkan aku kana bagi so much responsibilities. becoz people thought I have NO commitment and they forgotten they have already given me so much before they add up a new one. like, hello? I'm drowning here.

Someone just said to me, "in other words, your the breadwinner" and only then I realized, "yeah, I am the breadwinner" becoz, portions of my money goes to the house and other expenses while other people's money goes to themselves. Like, damn.

Anyway, whatever, sis redha. sis moving on now.

Onward! to the final updates for this post; Depression.

We (when I said we, I meant the kpop world) were shocked once again with the news of dead by suicide.
Sulli, ex-member of f(x), artist under SM, died on 14th Oct by suicide and it was strongly due to the non-stop malicious comment towards her. 
For once, I was numb. becoz she was my least fav in f(x) and I had one post being so mean about her, and I was very upset with that but I can't erase what I have done and for that action, I am sorry, Sulli.
Even though I mentioned in this blog many times before that we will never know what's really going on within that company and what's really going on among themselves, I should have kept my frustration to myself or in my personal diary where only my eyes can see. I should have kept that comment offline. I am truly and deeply sorry, Sulli. my opinions are not your responsibility.
You don't deserve the hate. 
Yes, I only posted one heat post on her but that could be the one heat comment that triggers her. 
I feel responsible.

Currently, in the kpop world, they are petitioning the Sulli Act, an act to punish malicious comment towards celebrities, which they are tying to push for their something election in December 2019. I pray the bill will pass.
People were quick to mention our Jonghyun during this sad times but I am fine. 
After a few minutes updating myself with the news, I decided for myself that, it was better for me to not read so much into it anymore becoz, reading blames upon blames towards SM, towards her EX, towards the anti, won't bring her back. Damage is done. Only thing to do now, is to be a better person from now onward.

Depression is still a taboo topic in this part of the world. 
I have my fair share on that. which I decide from now onward, to never disclose to anyone anymore.
Nobody really care.

So, what do we learn from this post?

1. turning 32 doesn't stop you from starting over with your life.
2. Single people has worries. You, non-single, family person, have worries but at least you have your spouse to share them with. And if you FREAKIN rich heir, you don't have the rights WHATSOEVER to tell me I can't worry about shit. Go sit down, Gemma.
3. Mean comments are mean no matter how well you can justify it. I'm gonna try and not do that anymore. 
4. it's not hard to be kind.
5. I am a strong person.
6. Japan trip 2020 will be my motivation to stay sane. ...LOL!

Ok,

bye.

. . . 

My Make-Up Journey

Hi guys,

it's time!

My make-up journey.

where do we start?

What I know of make-up base on the preference of my elder sister and cousins when I was younger was compact powders and good lipsticks. I grew up a tomboy? I think? meaning, I am less girlie compared to my sister and putting on make-up was not a thing for me.

I grew a little older and I started playing with compact powder and lipsticks too but that was it. I don't remember at what age but compact powder and lipstick was what everybody seems to be doing back then and I 'terjebak' also when I rajin. LOL yes, When aku rajin saja.

Obviously, as I grew more older, I began to take make-up seriously. I found out that my make-up and skin care interest started at about the same time. See here and maybe here. I was searching for so many things for this post hence the procrastination. 😂😂

I think what pushed me into doing proper make-up is the make-up brushes I bought from Storybook Cosmetics. I bought the ones for eye make-up and the ones for face (for foundation, blushes, etc).
When I purchased them, I really had no idea what I was supposed to do with them! but I learned via Google and Youtube. and as my "skill" progresses, so does my need to buy more make-up related things. I bought 4 more brushes; two from the Face Shop, and two from Sigmas. 💸💸

Base make-up a.k.a. foundation.
Mine went from compact powder to actual liquid foundation.
For the longest time, I remembered always wearing the same compact powder from Garnier. and I mean THE same ONE powder, not same powder purchased multiple times (I know 💆 don't judge me).

I also had a phase where I tried a lot of BBcream from The Face Shop before finally settling with liquid foundation. Laik, what even is going on! 😂

Nowadays, I've been playing a lot with Maybelline Fit Me Foundation and LA Girl ProCoverage illuminating Foundation.

Eye Make-up. 
I started 'berjinak-jinak' with eye shadows after watching so many IG clips and Youtube. 
First one I bought was from The Face Shop; Mike Wazowski's mono pop eyes. then I moved on to Too Faced's Sweet Peach, and currently, I'm playing with Australis's Neutralize.
I only have 3 palette and 3 singles ones. the singles I bought back when I only have Mike's and Peach's.

Eye Brows. this one pretty epic. LOL
The first one I bought was from NYX and it was in Grey. and damn! my eyebrows looked crazy when wearing it. After that, I learned to buy more lighter color a.k.a brownish coz they look prettier than black/grey on me.

Mascara. this is pretty basic.
My first one was from Maybelline. the cap was pink. Then I found out about the Barbie one which I was obsess with! From Tati, I learned about another Maybelline mascara. red cap. and From Jeffree Star I learned about Benefit's Roller Lash mascara.

Eye Liner. hmm
I never really like wearing eye-liner coz in the beginning I was critisized heavily on it and it someone scarred me and I never reached for it again. My first one was, you guessed it, from The Face Shop. FACE it All About Simple Liner. I did purchase other pencil liner but as I said, I seldom reach for those. recently, i bought new liquid liner, Maybelline's Hypersharp Liner. this one actually thanks to Brunei MUA. I forgot her name but I saw her post on IG.

Blusher!
I love blusher! especially after I understand how to wear them. My first one was from The Face Shop (pretend to be shocked). this one is liquidy, kinda like the bbcream texture. I bought a powdery one from The Balm, and second one from Too Cool For School.

LOVE! 💖💖

Primer.
People said, Primer shouldn't give you break outs but NYX one did. To me, at least. They worked amazing, yes, but I often ended up with this tiny and many raise white heads after using them. I also tried the Australis Ice Princess Primer. this one actually was great but the color was too light. So, sometimes I don't even bother wearing primer. But after my Seoul Trip, I can't go wearing make-up without putting on my new primer I bought from Banila Co. there is also this new one I bought time puasa and only pakai last Sunday. it's a spray typed. I was happy with the 'outcome', it stayed more 12hrs and I'm gonna try use it again this coming weekend, see if I will get the same result.

Setting Spray and Powder.
First time I used a setting spray was when I put on my own make-up for an annual dinner. NYX's Matte Finish. then I came across Australis's Finizhing Spritz and been using this most of the time. until recently, I finally give the LA Girl Por.Powder that I bought last year, a chance. I kinda like the outcome more, i think. I don't know. It's hard to tell which one perform better coz Brunei is a tropical country, meaning, make-up stays or melt depending on the weather. and most of the time when I put on make-up, I don't put the weather into consideration, so, yeah. Not a make-up expert here.

Lipstick!
finally. we are almost finish with this list.
I used to pretend that my Bodyshop lipbalm pot is a lipstick. I also remember a time when I was obsess with 'light' shades lipstick. Then I was in a phase where I was obsessing over dark shades. and now, I like to just put a little on my lips and smudging it with my finger to make it seems 'natural' color of my lips. 😏
you understand why I don't have pictures; I have too many. and do note, this is the only make-up that I reach for often. coz, a little color on your lips change your appearance instantly! even without full on make-up.

*clap like a seal* 

yayyyyyy! done!

From what I learned from Youtube and what I have experienced myself, mahal (expensive) does not mean better. 
coz for example, The Saem Concealer Foundation was a few dollars more then Maybelline Fit Me Foundation but Maybelline worked better for me. 
another example, Too Faced's Sweet Peach is a branded palette compared to the Australis's Neutrlize, a drug store one but the Too Faced ones blends better.
Really, you gotta give it a try to know.

Left to Right. Progress.

Annual dinner, left to right, 2017, 2018, 2019.

Raya Make-Up, left to right, 2017, 2018, 2019

Playing with make-up progressions.

I didn't get to where I am with make-up without trials and errors. There were pictures to prove that. LOL at the same time, I'm still learning. I only bought stuff where I can afford them. and I tried the cheapest one too just to have options, you know. Nowadays, seller in Brunei are bringing in many drugstore products from the US and Europe, so, more options to test out make-up if you want. I want but like i said earlier, I'm lazy. So, for now, I'm gonna stick to what I already have and work for me.

If you are starting out with make-up, here's an advice:
Be Patient!
and embraced those freaky eyebrows and blushed cheeks.
They'll be your stepping stones to better your technics.

Also, to note, some items are not mentioned here. I only mentioned a few to show what items I started with until now, to compare or to show progress.

I think, I'm gonna share something that people seldom share; Pictures with and without filters.

Obviously, the ones with filter are better. and I always said to myself, Pictures last forever, so gotta look good. 😂😂😂😂

#laughlinesaregoodforyou


Thank you so much for reading this.

You the MVP.

Ciao~


. . .