2019: A Year of Change

for some reason, this was in the draft section since 10th Mar 2019 and was empty.

hmmm

Hi guys.

we are now in June 2019! half way thru the year already. wow. time flies.

So, as mentioned, this draft was left empty since 10th Mar 2019. I checked thru my draft notes in my laptop and found one notes that was dated 10 Mar too. It was obviously raw and not suitable for direct posting. I might hurt a few hearts. but do I really care? muahahah 

I actually still care, hence, the edited version below.

Here go:

composed on 10th Mar 2019.

Hello everyone and anyone.

I know, I abandoned this page for so long.

I even almost not come back at all. 

but here I am.

I really don't know why I should continue to be here. It's not like my life depended on it.

I guess I'm just not ready to part ways from this part of my old life.


Blogging had been my life since forever. I think I started when I was 15? Back when Friendster was a thing. LOL Friendster had a blog feature where your friends got notification whenever you posted something and when I finally switched to Blogspot, none of my readers came along with me. 

it demotivated me a little bit but I still continued to post. soon after, friends started making their own blog and we shared/exchanged stories and comments.

As we grew as an individual, I guess people grew out of blogging too. Except me. I'm still here, as if holding up the fort.

more years passed and I mentioned a lot in my posts on how me too no longer 'feeling it'.

Am I grown?

or

Am I tired of holding the fort?

Maybe I am.

I turned 31 last year. I'll be 32 this year. For some reason, that hit me hard.

at first, I thought it was becoz I thought I lagged behind everybody. Thirty One years Old and still the same old me; achieving only in growing old, stuck in the same old routine year after year.

You would think, someone who read a lot like myself wouldn't have such negative thoughts. 
You thought wrong.
I used to tell people how I'm a self-motivated person. I began believing in it too. 
Until I realized how tiring that ish was (still is).
Your mind is spent and your heart is heavy, do you have any idea how hard it is to stay motivated/positive during that phase?
I also used to think that I was strong mentally and physically.
boy, was I mistaken. LOL
Well, maybe I am strong both mentally and physically or I wouldn't be here talking about this right now.

Realizing all this and accepting that my life has come to this, I decided to let go on a lot of things.

They say it's never too late to push reset and start over.

So, for the past six months I've been working on my well being;
1. Me is enough
2. Me matter
3. I can't change the world overnight. so chill.
4. Stop worrying about what others think of me.
5. Control my emotion especially at work (coz GOD know I have a problem in that ish place LOL)
6. my self improvement is important.

And something happened on my 7th month.

I've worked hard for this mindset and soul to be at peace and for me to fall back into the me from 6 months ago is such a waste of time. 
To fall back to the same routine/dark-mindset all over again? I don't have the capacity in my mind and in my soul for such burden anymore.
I used to think "let's just follow the flow" but I don't want to be that easy anymore.
I wanna work hard towards a new goal in life. Especially with my life. I'm important too. 
I have the obligation to better myself before I can worry about other people.

I really don't want to go back to 6 months ago. I can't and I refuse. I am only going to focus on moving forward.


Wow! I was so deep back in March. LOL wow.
I surprise myself too most of the time. Every time I read back my old thoughts, I'm impressed on how well I write/type. HAHAHAH and now back to the present.

Like, I said, the above is filtered for 'tayangan umum'. There were two more pages of thoughts but I don't think it's quite relevant for today's title.

I don't think I planned that post as a New Year Resolution coz I hate that term: 'Resolution'. who started that ish? I think i just want to say that I'm trying to change my life routine and be selfish for once. obviously old habit die hard; I can't just be completely selfish. but I'm gonna try.

Have you ever feel or felt this way before? How did you overcome or deal with yours? Share your thoughts down in the comment box.

if you read up till here, you the real MVP. and thank you.

See you in the next post.

ciao~

. . .

my Baby Blue

Hello

another SHINee post

but especially today, it will be about our beloved leader, Onew.

First mini album dropped on 5th Dec 2018.

Seven songs:

1 Blue

2 거리마다 (Your Scent)

3 동네 (Under The Starlight)

4 어떤 사이 (Sign)

6 온유하게 해요 (Shine On You)

5 사랑이었을까 (Illusion)

7 또각또각 (Timepiece)

Two written by Lee Jinki:

온유하게 해요 (Shine On You)

사랑이었을까 (Illusion)

One pun: 

온유하게 해요

LOL

Gotta love this smart ass babe.

apakan?

😂😂😂

Now let's enjoy his MV of his titled song, Blue.

I kinda expected him to sing this kind of song.

At first, i was like, "eh?" and then as I continue listening on, I kinda, chuckled? 😂
coz the style of the song reminds me of an old Malay song whose titled I don't know the name of 😄
내 스타일 아니야
🙊

the rest of the songs in the album are in his normal ballad style voice, so, major2 love for them all. 

Especially Shine On You 😏



the puns, people. the puns!

but as funny as the title goes, I actually cried at the end of the song. 
the final verse of the song;

Some believe this song Onew wrote for Jonghyun.

Sun is Onew, Moon is Jonghyun.

Onew said I love you and I cried back, "I love you too"
My emotional feeling was so riddikulus last night. Like, when I finally stopped crying, I wondered what was so sad for me to cry like that. LOL.

Actually, I know why.

I'll explain in another post (if I rajin wawawa)

I found a post explaining the meaning of the MV. Kinda far fetch, kinda not.

have a read;
(click to enlarge please)

You know what? No matter how much I want this to be a happy album, it really is not.

Onew is leaving (me) for the army. 
Even though I did read somewhere that he will share some audio updates whilst in the army, I don't think it will change the fact that this album is a goodbye.

His latest post is this;

yeah right

When I clicked the See Translation under his original post, it says, "Please be good in the future! :) thank you so much everyone" and it got me upset. 
it feels like that scene I once wrote in my story, "I just got you, and now you're leaving?" *cry me a river*

Currently listening to  어떤 사이 (Sign)



This one has a festive vibe to it. He really prepared us well, huh? *hmpf* 
for real tho, I like this song. like, I picture us dancing to this. kekeke
(this song better not be a sad song! No, malas ku cari translation 😅)


Can't you tell who my SHINee bias is?

LOL!


Here, let me share you the album;



Have a listen and tell me I'm not being bias. :P

It's a good album. You'll fall in love too.

. . .


A/N: *me in the middle of composing this post* I never learn. I should have just screenshot everything when I see it. You know, for blog post purposes. but nooooooooooo. I always thought I will find it when I need it when in reality, YOU WILL NOT FIND IT WHEN YOU NEED IT!

Extras:

Remember these?

here's a new version:

Next:

we already know he the Sold Out king

WellDone boys! 🎉🎉🎉🎉

caption FTW!! 💪💪

now: a proof.

remember how I was looking for it but didn't find it?

Today, I'm not looking for it

and

what do you know,

it appears!

Onew's imagined Song List for his solo.

(who ever edit this ish, come see me, I just wanna talk LOL)

From Now On

SHINee, The Best From Now On album.

released date: 18th April 2018.

Songs in this album consist of all their releases in Japan for the past 7 years.

final track on it is what everyone wanted to hear most (I think), coz Jonghyun's voice is included. 

sigh.

anyway,
have a listen. it's called From Now On



as always, when its a Japanese release, its hard to find original audio on youtube -,- So, the above is, I believe, an audio taken during one of their dome tours. 

I finally understand why this song was so emotional when they sang it back at their dome tours in Japan last February.

I finally really 'feel'.

Let's read the translation now:


If I hadn’t met you yet
What would I have been doing now?
Not even knowing the meaning of love
Where would I have strayed?
No words to describe
My surging emotions
But you, we understand each other
Always have, always will

I offer you all my love
And endless gratitude
I swear on the stars that fall from your eyes
I’ll be with you forever
I’ll be with you
I’ll be with you

Following an endless dream
Never stoping, I took the first step
Beliving only in your smile
Before I knew it, I found myself in this place

A view unattainable on my own (Watch it pass me by)
Things I can’t grasp (Won’t let go)
Together with you, I can find it (I promise you)
Let’s go on searching for it forever

I offer you all my love
And endless gratitude
I swear on the stars that fall from your eyes
I’ll be with you forever
I’ll be with you
I’ll be with you

I’ll never forget this day with you
No matter what the future holds
It’s this love that makes me
Even stronger

I offer you all my love
And endless gratitude
I swear on the stars that fall from your eyes
I’ll be with you forever
I’ll be with you
I’ll be with you
Forever

#gaddammit

why am I doing this to myself tonight?



. . .

a/n: I'm not being superstitious but I don't like the idea behind 'the best' album or yg sewaktu dengan nya for example Westlife's The Greatest Album. 
I just don't trust the idea behind it.

February Song

I know its already March
but this song kinda sings to me on a whole new level of feels.

February Song - Josh Groban.

Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes
Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades
And how did I ever fade
Into this life

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough
When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes
It's in front of your eyes

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find the ground
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away
From this crazy world

And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day

Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes
Opens his eyes

. . .

A/N: do read between the lines.