Hi guys.
I am recovering from a fever caused by my tonsillitis. or "tongsil" as I like to pronounce it. No, not an excuse as to why I'm not making any post. I'm not posting becoz I ran out of topic for June. (▰˘◡˘▰)
Here we are in July, starting the other half of the year. Hmm.. reflection time?
I started off slow this year with blogging; 1 post in January and 1 post in April. and I'm still not sure what drove me to make 12 posts in May. I guess I was just motivated to do so 🤷. I know what drove me with making 11 posts in June; competition with myself. LOL I know, I have issues.
Anyway, reflections..hmmm..
I've done a lot of self reflects this year, in fact, I've been doing that a lot since last year. mostly on things like, "Why is this happening to me?" "Oh maybe it's karma" "I should control myself from doing that/ acting like that" "Not everybody gonna like me but that doesn't mean I should stop being nice" "Don't be too nice though or people may step on you"
Also, I've been thinking a lot about "Cutting people off". I had this thought a lot last year too. I'm not saying I'm gonna be better off without these people or that I'm gonna get lonely since my circle of friends is already so small, but I think, I just wanna be happy. and if cutting people yang continue to bring me heartaches will bring me peace, then, so be it.
Let's talk about Happiness.
to me, shopping, in any type, shape, or form, is my temporary happiness.
What I've been longing for is true happiness; a peace of mind, and a lighter heart.
That's the kind of happiness that I'm looking for.
I'm not sure I'm getting there or not yet but I'm pushing thru. Hwaiting 💪
Speaking of happiness, coming back to this blog bring me a sense of purpose. a sense of purpose leads to accomplishing a certain task. and finishing a task brings me happiness/joy, no matter how small.
I know me posting here doesn't give me any financial income 🙄 but it gives me something to look forward to. It gives me the momentum I need to practice on for my next project. You know, posting at least once a week, preparing notes on what to post, etc. Blogging keeps me busy, it helps me from just looking at my phone for hours at night, it stimulates my brain. and as mentioned above, when my mind feels that sense of accomplishment, I feel happy. 💖
Another part of happiness, I am back to reading!
I finished reading Wonder by R.J. Palacio and I feel accomplished and happy 🤗
Currently reading (already half way thru) Songs About A Girl by Chris Russell. I believe this book has a sequel. I remember seeing it at the book shop but I'm not sure and I haven't Google to be sure.
wow, yo girl can write!
dam!
Ok, i think, that is enough for this post. Thank you for reading this far. 🙇♀️
I'm planning on making a post about my scary experience in Seoul next. So, please anticipate. 😉
Until then, ciao~
. . .
for some reason, this was in the draft section since 10th Mar 2019 and was empty.
hmmm
Hi guys.
we are now in June 2019! half way thru the year already. wow. time flies.
So, as mentioned, this draft was left empty since 10th Mar 2019. I checked thru my draft notes in my laptop and found one notes that was dated 10 Mar too. It was obviously raw and not suitable for direct posting. I might hurt a few hearts. but do I really care? muahahah
I actually still care, hence, the edited version below.
Here go:
composed on 10th Mar 2019.
Hello everyone and anyone.
I know, I abandoned this page for so long.
I even almost not come back at all.
but here I am.
I really don't know why I should continue to be here. It's not like my life depended on it.
I guess I'm just not ready to part ways from this part of my old life.
Blogging had been my life since forever. I think I started when I was 15? Back when Friendster was a thing. LOL Friendster had a blog feature where your friends got notification whenever you posted something and when I finally switched to Blogspot, none of my readers came along with me.
it demotivated me a little bit but I still continued to post. soon after, friends started making their own blog and we shared/exchanged stories and comments.
As we grew as an individual, I guess people grew out of blogging too. Except me. I'm still here, as if holding up the fort.
more years passed and I mentioned a lot in my posts on how me too no longer 'feeling it'.
Am I grown?
or
Am I tired of holding the fort?
Maybe I am.
I turned 31 last year. I'll be 32 this year. For some reason, that hit me hard.
at first, I thought it was becoz I thought I lagged behind everybody. Thirty One years Old and still the same old me; achieving only in growing old, stuck in the same old routine year after year.
You would think, someone who read a lot like myself wouldn't have such negative thoughts.
You thought wrong.
I used to tell people how I'm a self-motivated person. I began believing in it too.
Until I realized how tiring that ish was (still is).
Your mind is spent and your heart is heavy, do you have any idea how hard it is to stay motivated/positive during that phase?
I also used to think that I was strong mentally and physically.
boy, was I mistaken. LOL
Well, maybe I am strong both mentally and physically or I wouldn't be here talking about this right now.
Realizing all this and accepting that my life has come to this, I decided to let go on a lot of things.
They say it's never too late to push reset and start over.
So, for the past six months I've been working on my well being;
1. Me is enough
2. Me matter
3. I can't change the world overnight. so chill.
4. Stop worrying about what others think of me.
5. Control my emotion especially at work (coz GOD know I have a problem in that ish place LOL)
6. my self improvement is important.
And something happened on my 7th month.
I've worked hard for this mindset and soul to be at peace and for me to fall back into the me from 6 months ago is such a waste of time.
To fall back to the same routine/dark-mindset all over again? I don't have the capacity in my mind and in my soul for such burden anymore.
I used to think "let's just follow the flow" but I don't want to be that easy anymore.
I wanna work hard towards a new goal in life. Especially with my life. I'm important too.
I have the obligation to better myself before I can worry about other people.
I really don't want to go back to 6 months ago. I can't and I refuse. I am only going to focus on moving forward.
Wow! I was so deep back in March. LOL wow.
I surprise myself too most of the time. Every time I read back my old thoughts, I'm impressed on how well I write/type. HAHAHAH and now back to the present.
Like, I said, the above is filtered for 'tayangan umum'. There were two more pages of thoughts but I don't think it's quite relevant for today's title.
I don't think I planned that post as a New Year Resolution coz I hate that term: 'Resolution'. who started that ish? I think i just want to say that I'm trying to change my life routine and be selfish for once. obviously old habit die hard; I can't just be completely selfish. but I'm gonna try.
Have you ever feel or felt this way before? How did you overcome or deal with yours? Share your thoughts down in the comment box.
if you read up till here, you the real MVP. and thank you.
See you in the next post.
ciao~
. . .
I know its already March
but this song kinda sings to me on a whole new level of feels.
February Song - Josh Groban.
Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes
Where is that simple day
Before colors broke into shades
And how did I ever fade
Into this life
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day
Morning is waking up
And sometimes it's more than just enough
When all that you need to love
Is in front of your eyes
It's in front of your eyes
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
Sometimes it's hard to find the ground
Cause I keep on falling as I try to get away
From this crazy world
And I never want to let you down
Forgive me if I slip away
When all that I've known is lost and found
I promise you I, I'll come back to you one day
Where has that old friend gone
Lost in a February song
Tell him it won't be long
Til he opens his eyes
Opens his eyes
. . .
A/N: do read between the lines.
