composed/edited last: 15th Apr
updated 20 Dec 6:32pm
ready to post 20 Dec 7:40pm
This draft was titled Internet and after reading and retyping everything,
I'm just gonna title it Penny Thoughts (coz Penny For Your Thoughts)
I didn't know how to internet until I was 15.
But only becoz I don't have a complete excess to it.
I couldn't even 'search' for Westlife with whatever search engine there was back then.
I don't know where I'm going with this but bear with me, yeah?
I don't how I started, but whenever anything happened, I would recall back everything that I did before that particular happening.
For example, when bad things happened, I would go back and think of the things I did that wasn't particularly right or nice.
come to think of it, I only ever wonder of the bad things, never the good things.
Sometime I remember old memories in details and I don't like it.
It's funny how I remember them like that but can't remember the important stuff for school/work to safe my life. ๏̯͡๏
I think the reason why I remember the embarrassing part of my life the most is because God is telling me stop being so judgmental coz I'm worse. LOL
Stopped judging people who are less fortunate, like not knowing certain things, becoz you didn't know better back then too.
I think the reason why I was hard on some people is becoz their behavior now reminded me of myself back then and I don't want them to end up doing embarrassing things like I did. (◡‿◡✿)
I want people to be better than me
or, to put it simply
i hate seeing myself in other people, it's not really a pleasant thing to experience.
that is why I want you to be better than I was. than I am.
You gotta.
I was once told, me feeling bad for myself is all in my head and that no one could help me with that.
I don't think I'm even mildly a depress person but that is not something you should say to anyone. If you can't offer a word of comfort, the least you could do is to just nod and make a sympathetic expression.
what if I'm a real depress individual? what if I have suicidal tendency?
Where am I going with this? ◐.̃◐
Right
hahahaha
I'm not going anywhere with this coz I'm only trying to write down my thoughts.
😂😂
I told someone that 2 years prior (me telling her that story), I was depressed. I didn't realize that I was until it passed. When I was telling her that, I only meant how that work environment made me depressed. you know, sharing stories and shiz.
2 years later, you wanna know what I found out ?
This person told someone else, "She's not depressed. Just seeking for attention"
and I was like, ◔̯◔ "Wow. Thanks".
I think I've talked about depression WAYYYYYYYYY before Dec 2017.
Just becoz I finally more open about it now, doesn't mean I'm going mainstream, ok?
Even if it's now mainstream, that doesn't mean it's any less real to the real sufferer.
Sigh.
I think, with everything that's been going on, it's coming back.
I'm scared that I'm losing it.
Which is why I'm trying to busy myself with so many things.
It's driving me nuts.
For months now, my head has been railing with so many thoughts.
I mean it always has been but now it's overwhelming.
I feel myself feeling overwhelm by it.
the FAQs include;
Why I feel stagnant?
Why everything I do doesn't seem to be right?
Why is everyone so annoying?
Why can't I stand up?
Why am I not getting any better?
They say I will get over this, there'll be a better day, grass is just as green on this side, time heals all wounds, this too will passed.
But all I want is for it to pass now.
. . .
I just had these thoughts lately and I think its important
I remember in one of my Team Building workshop, the facilitator mentioned about 'Pointing Finger'.
What I understood at that time was he was talking about blaming others but yourself.
He showed us this gesture
You see, when you point at someone, one finger is pointing to them, while three fingers are pointing at yourself.
In other words,
don't be easy to point faults in others. you might be at fault too.
Just something I've been thinking a lot.
and stop thinking that this post is dedicated to someone.
I'm only posting this to reflect upon myself.
or am I?
LOL
but really, I've been so angry with a lot of people right now, and I think it's becoming a problem with me. mentally and physically.
it's not good.
and that 'pointing finger' thing pops up in my head.
it calms me down, little by little.
When you realized that you are not that perfect too, this 'gelora di jiwa' is not so worth it.
coz there's just no point on getting work up over everything.
and that's all I'm gonna say,
I have a lot on my plate right now, I can't be bother taking care of everybody else.
. . .
I wrote on my FB status few days ago and goes;
I guess if you wanted to do it, you would've done it
then
There's a also a famous malay proverb:
Nak Hendak Seribu Daya, Tak Hendak Seribu Dalih.
and
Here comes the English's one;
When There's a Will, There's a Way
These three quotes or saying have been running thru my mind lately.
When I posted that FB status, I was feeling done and accepting the situation I was in.
the next two was me trying to motivate myself.
*shrug*
I don't wana go back to how I was few months back but people disappoint.
. . .
This is a random rage post.
there was a post on IG (a Kpop confession acct)
and I agreed to it.
then some kid decided to give some of us (who agreed to the confessor) a piece of his/her mind.
So, I got angry. I know I shouldn't be. I should've have known better and let it go or shit. but I think I'm gona post a piece of MY mind here. In my blog.
" The thing is, I've been obsessed with a boyband before and I know it feels like 'this love is real' right now but trust me 'girls', it is not. It'll die down and you will realize just how stupid you are ..one day. when you're older. and wiser (hopefully). and you'll be too embarrass to admit your stupidity and laugh it off. Dismissively denying shit when everybody (I mean EVERYBODY) seen you being stupid. *scoff* *rolled eyes* puhlease...
Then when you realized that I was right, you'd be like 'BAHAHAHAH! SO TRUE!' "
I know what she commented back to us got nothing to do with what I just typed above but you know what I mean right? No? Ok. read below.
THE POINT IS! I'm not homophobic!
maybe I am but that's my religious point of view and there's nothing you can do about it.
I have guy friends who are gay but I'm not like disgusted with them. I am still very much close with them. I just don't disagree nor do i encourage them about it. I have my own beliefs. *giving you the incredulous look*
my reply to that girl was 'Thanks. To each their own, yeah?'
and she responded back by saying, 'Hmm? what?!'
-.-
I just assumed she wasn't English.
and that was when I decided to make this post.
Like the confessor said, we were just disgusted that someone would actually post a Photoshopped images like that.
Why make such a big deal out of it?
OR MAYBE this sk.jongsuk person IS gay or bi or lesbian or transgendered or anything. that's why this post and its comments offended him/her so. Defensive ya di sana atu.
No artists asked you to defend them, so just chill, ok?
If you believe that we're in the Era, and I quote 'where a lot of people are gay or bi now so learn to deal with it', you should first learn that there are still millions other people millons different views from you. Coz, sweetheart, if you can't be open-minded about other people having different views from you, then, i think, you should just ... *whispers* stay out of the debate club.
or at least, get to know where you really stand before you argue your case.
TO EACH THEIR OWN!
I know I'm being childish posting this up but I just wana let it out of my system.
sigh. just wait till you're a lot older (and hopefully wiser too) then you will understand what my rage is all about.
you're supposed to laugh at comments that are stupid and don't suits you! not make it personal and start an internet war or something. why waste your time like that?! Go study or something!! Jeep!
a/n: I'm an adult and I am allowed to waste my time on the net like this.
. . .
I know I should be posting my Day 3. I do that one on the next post :D
. . .
