Strong Woman

Hi guys.

I am definitely procrastinating. was composing my post regarding my make-up journey and then, got side tracked and here we are.

I came across a diary entry where I was talking about being strongly opinionated person. I've always been aware of this personality thread of mine but only tonight that I found out what it really means.

At first I feel bad when I see the word 'conceited' but when I scrolled down, I like that it mentions 'decisive' and 'can still be open-minded' which is definitely me. coz yeah, I will debate with you with points that I believe in and make you believe in them too but if you brought your case up with valid points, I'm sure I can have second thoughts. Empty debates are no welcome in my bubble. and when I said 'I can have second thoughts' does not mean I'm going to change my mind on what I believe in. that second thoughts are just options for me.

SOOOOO

when I saw this post

I know it was meant for me.

First of all, it was ironic that they posted this. Coz the post is talking about talking face to face when you have a problem instead of listening to a third party who might be 'poison'.
Like, 🙄 you know what you should do? Text me directly instead of posting that on social media.

Second of all, THE👏AU👏DA👏CI👏TY👏
You think other people 'poison' my judgement? I am my own person 👏 My opinion, my decision, and my 👏 entire 👏 well 👏 being 👏 IS 👏 MY 👏 OWN👏

So,

Instead of blaming other people on why I'm being like this, MAYBE, just maybe, look upon yourself? Find the answer there somewhere.

. . . .

I know, this escalate quickly. LOL but yeah, out of my system. so moving on.

Hello July

Hi guys.

I am recovering from a fever caused by my tonsillitis. or "tongsil" as I like to pronounce it. No, not an excuse as to why I'm not making any post. I'm not posting becoz I ran out of topic for June. (▰˘◡˘▰)

Here we are in July, starting the other half of the year. Hmm.. reflection time?

I started off slow this year with blogging; 1 post in January and 1 post in April. and I'm still not sure what drove me to make 12 posts in May. I guess I was just motivated to do so 🤷. I know what drove me with making 11 posts in June; competition with myself. LOL I know, I have issues. 

Anyway, reflections..hmmm..
I've done a lot of self reflects this year, in fact, I've been doing that a lot since last year. mostly on things like, "Why is this happening to me?" "Oh maybe it's karma" "I should control myself from doing that/ acting like that" "Not everybody gonna like me but that doesn't mean I should stop being nice" "Don't be too nice though or people may step on you"
Also, I've been thinking a lot about "Cutting people off". I had this thought a lot last year too. I'm not saying I'm gonna be better off without these people or that I'm gonna get lonely since my circle of friends is already so small, but I think, I just wanna be happy. and if cutting people yang continue to bring me heartaches will bring me peace, then, so be it.

Let's talk about Happiness.
to me, shopping, in any type, shape, or form, is my temporary happiness.
What I've been longing for is true happiness; a peace of mind, and a lighter heart.
That's the kind of happiness that I'm looking for. 
I'm not sure I'm getting there or not yet but I'm pushing thru. Hwaiting 💪

Speaking of happiness, coming back to this blog bring me a sense of purpose. a sense of purpose leads to accomplishing a certain task. and finishing a task brings me happiness/joy, no matter how small.
I know me posting here doesn't give me any financial income 🙄 but it gives me something to look forward to. It gives me the momentum I need to practice on for my next project. You know, posting at least once a week, preparing notes on what to post, etc. Blogging keeps me busy, it helps me from just looking at my phone for hours at night, it stimulates my brain. and as mentioned above, when my mind feels that sense of accomplishment, I feel happy. 💖

Another part of happiness, I am back to reading!
I finished reading Wonder by R.J. Palacio and I feel accomplished and happy 🤗
Currently reading (already half way thru) Songs About A Girl by Chris Russell. I believe this book has a sequel. I remember seeing it at the book shop but I'm not sure and I haven't Google to be sure.

wow, yo girl can write!
dam!

Ok, i think, that is enough for this post. Thank you for reading this far. 🙇‍♀️

I'm planning on making a post about my scary experience in Seoul next. So, please anticipate. 😉

Until then, ciao~

. . .

Betrayed

Hi guys!

Another quick post.

Today I wanna talk about Sulli, a former f(x) member.

I know, shocking. She was never my favorite but when she was in f(x), I cheered for her too by default coz f(x) is my fav girl group.
until~ she decided to leave f(x) to pursue acting. 🙄

I only ever know she acted in one movie after she left f(x) and that movie wasn't well received. I also think she was in one historical kdrama but I don't know what become of that. 
Mostly, I saw her in mainstream online kpop media coverage over some 'inappropriate' posting on her personal IG (this part, I'm on her side: it's her Instagram and her life, she has all the rights to do what ever she wants) and being featured in/on magazines.

So, when SM announced last week that Sulli will be releasing a song, I rolled my eyes so hard that I fear you will see my whites from then on. LOL I was so annoyed and hating. dah tah aku memang anti kedia when she left f(x), telling people she wanted to act but barely doing any acting, and now, she's releasing a song?!

I feel the same way I did when Brian, former member of Westlife, left the group then not even a year later, releasing a song as a solo artist; Betrayed.

You ARE a singer when you were in the group. I 👏 JUST 👏 DON'T 👏 GET 👏 WHY 👏 YOU 👏 HAVE 👏 TO 👏 LEAVE 👏 IF 👏 YOU 👏 GONNA 👏 END 👏 UP 👏 BEING 👏 A 👏 SINGER 👏 STILL 👏

Ok, lah, lemme justify their actiona:

• maybe they weren't treated right
• maybe they wanted more say in what they can do artistically
• maybe they always wanted to be a solo artist

sigh

Just becoz I tried to be more understanding, doesn't mean I can't still resent them.

I mean, they left! and for some reason, that separation ends the group!

Ok lah..grateful each remaining members, both Westlife and f(x), ended up doing solo thing successfully, meaning we still get to see them around the entertainment industry. 

and let's not forget, currently Westlife is doing a world tour after almost a decade of disbandment. Maybe the same thing will happen to f(x) too? Lets us hope so.

as much as I resent Sulli, I'm curious about her solo. I wonder what kind of genre her song will be.




GASP! DID I JUST PROMOTE HER?!

. . .

Aging like a fine wine?

Hi guys!

first of, Happy 11th Anniversary to SHINee 🎉🎉🎉

second of all, in light of anniversary topic, I decided to discuss something related to how I'm aging. since you know, anniversary means another year past and another year you're growing older.

I went window shopping with my mom last week at Rimba Point. My mom wanted to check some ready made baju for Raya.
As we walked around, we came across a socks stall. I never knew that I was but I. LOVE. SOCKS. especially the cute printed ones. and you wouldn't believe how the socks game had been stepping up these past few years! *cough* kpop *cough*
the pricing is 1 for $5 and 3 for $12.
My mom got interested and I asked her to pick which one she likes as I went and choose mine. Ten guesses which one I choose.

I picked the one with the fries print first and my mom was, "inda kan katun". I stopped for a minute and replied, "why not?" while in my head I was thinking, what's wrong with picking such cute socks? they're just socks and no one really sees them. Is she calling me out for picking a socks that is not my age appropriate? Yes, I was so defensive by her comment.
but soon after that, I thought, maybe she thought i was picking a socks for her. LOL No, mam. this cute socks is for me. since, you know, 3 for $12.

From the above story, I was reminded of a story not too long time ago.

I was going out with c Zawir and he somewhat say the same thing, "macam kanak-kanak" in regards to a fashion choice I made. We were window shopping too at that time. I think.
I forgot what it was but I remember thinking, "so my outfit today is childish lah" or something along the line "I'm not dressing according to my age?"

Hmmm..i think it was about a shoe pick. I really could not remember.

So,

I'm 31, becoming 32 this year.

it's not like I don't want to dress my age or appropriate to my age but

DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WORK IT TOOK TO DRESS DECENT?

I mean, i do try to dress nicely for work. Yes, I prefer wearing pants most of the time coz they make me feel skinnier than I actually am LOL.

but for weekends? I prefer to dress comfortably.

As far as I know, I do dress appropriately. I mean, have you seen these famos women? 

they are definitely much older than me and you're telling me I can't rock my dope white shoes?

What do you think? too much?

I mean, i feel like it is too much since I don't wear that on a daily basis. LOL but look at me, don't I owned that look?!

Hmmm..I don't know. I think my feelings got hurt. Not because people criticize my fashion choice but because people criticize my fashion choice.
you feel me?
I mentioned this a lot, everybody is different.
Yeah~ I did judged the two women every time I came across their IG post on my explore page wearing something "cool" but soon after, I would be thinking, "if a 'mom' can pull that off amazingly, I most definitely can too", you know, turned that negative judging ass of mine into a positive motivational thing instead.

Lagipun, what is age appropriate outfit for my age?
Am I not supposed to wear "cool" outfit?
or is it my size? That a size like me shouldn't be wearing that kind of outfit?
Is wearing a concert merchandise sweater not age appropriate?
Is wearing colorful socks not age appropriate? in what way?

Besides (this is just another way of saying 'Lagipun' without being repetitive LOL!), I'm 31 going 32. I'm not that old.

and I one hundo persen (100%) refused to dress like I'm an old lady.
why?
Because you only as old as you feel.
and I'm don't feel like I'm old yet.

True, I realized that I am growing old whenever I feel sleepy at an unappropriated time. coz apparently getting to bed early is an age factor.
but still, I don't feel like I'm 60 years old and must dress like a grandma.

As unfashionable as I am, I do want to dress 'my age'; whatever that means to other people. To me, as long as I don't show my gummy tummy, or fried chicken thigh, I'm all good. and I try so hard not to dress like a mom. coz I am not a mom yet.

WHY WOULD I WANT TO DRESS LIKE I'M OLD ANYWAYS?!

Even a mom dress more nicer than me.

GASP! A thought just hit me!

IS MY FASHION CHOICE UNFLATTERING TO ME?! ARE YOU SAYING MY FASHION CHOICE IS UGLY?!

OMFG!

i'm ugly.

ok, wait. calm the fuck down.

I still think I dress decent. My choices are fine. If in the eye of other people my outfit "look too young" for "my old face" then, that's their opinion. as far as I'm concerned, I've dressed myself appropriately.

So, you can put a sock up in your opinion. you too, mom. HAHAHAH

Ok. that is enough for today's rant. On SHINee anniversary too. sorry boys, my life does not revolve around you all the time.

😂

I hope you enjoy reading.

You the MVP.

until next time,
ciao~

. . .

A/N: do you know what makes making a blog longer to compose and publish? the pictures attachment. Yes, the gambar2. Baik lagi menaip what's in your mind down ni, you can finish in a minute. but the pictures? especially when you thought of an old picture you took in the year you don't even remember? Good Luck.

Penny Thoughts

composed/edited last: 15th Apr
updated 20 Dec 6:32pm
ready to post 20 Dec 7:40pm

This draft was titled Internet and after reading and retyping everything, 
I'm just gonna title it Penny Thoughts (coz Penny For Your Thoughts)


I didn't know how to internet until I was 15.
But only becoz I don't have a complete excess to it.
I couldn't even 'search' for Westlife with whatever search engine there was back then.

I don't know where I'm going with this but bear with me, yeah?


I don't how I started, but whenever anything happened, I would recall back everything that I did before that particular happening.

For example, when bad things happened, I would go back and think of the things I did that wasn't particularly right or nice.

come to think of it, I only ever wonder of the bad things, never the good things.

Sometime I remember old memories in details and I don't like it.
It's funny how I remember them like that but can't remember the important stuff for school/work to safe my life. ๏̯͡๏

I think the reason why I remember the embarrassing part of my life the most is because God is telling me stop being so judgmental coz I'm worse. LOL

Stopped judging people who are less fortunate, like not knowing certain things, becoz you didn't know better back then too.

I think the reason why I was hard on some people is becoz their behavior now reminded me of myself back then and I don't want them to end up doing embarrassing things like I did. (◡‿◡✿)

I want people to be better than me

or, to put it simply

i hate seeing myself in other people, it's not really a pleasant thing to experience.

that is why I want you to be better than I was. than I am.

You gotta.


I was once told, me feeling bad for myself is all in my head and that no one could help me with that.

I don't think I'm even mildly a depress person but that is not something you should say to anyone. If you can't offer a word of comfort, the least you could do is to just nod and make a sympathetic expression.

what if I'm a real depress individual? what if I have suicidal tendency?



Where am I going with this? ◐.̃◐

Right

hahahaha


I'm not going anywhere with this coz I'm only trying to write down my thoughts.

😂😂

I told someone that 2 years prior (me telling her that story), I was depressed. I didn't realize that I was until it passed. When I was telling her that, I only meant how that work environment made me depressed. you know, sharing stories and shiz.
2 years later, you wanna know what I found out ? 
This person told someone else, "She's not depressed. Just seeking for attention"

and I was like, ◔̯◔ "Wow. Thanks".

I think I've talked about depression WAYYYYYYYYY before Dec 2017.

Just becoz I finally more open about it now, doesn't mean I'm going mainstream, ok?

Even if it's now mainstream, that doesn't mean it's any less real to the real sufferer.

Sigh.

I think, with everything that's been going on, it's coming back.

I'm scared that I'm losing it.

Which is why I'm trying to busy myself with so many things.

It's driving me nuts.


For months now, my head has been railing with so many thoughts. 

I mean it always has been but now it's overwhelming.

I feel myself feeling overwhelm by it.


the FAQs include;

Why I feel stagnant?

Why everything I do doesn't seem to be right?

Why is everyone so annoying?

Why can't I stand up?

Why am I not getting any better?


They say I will get over this, there'll be a better day, grass is just as green on this side, time heals all wounds, this too will passed.


But all I want is for it to pass now.

. . .

Hesitation

Why do you spend all your time 

Watching life pass you by;

Hanging on to your pride?

All that you can anticipate 

Hoping all your mistakes will somehow fade away

Why the hesitation 

Gotta' stop procrastinating;

Why the hesitation;

You can pick your destination

And the risk is so worth taking

Your heart will never be the same

Giving up drama's days;

Letting go uneasy ways

When will you ever realize

Letting go all your lies;

All the pain will subside

What are you gonna' do with this

It's either hit or miss

You know the answer now;

I know you hurt inside;

I know the reason why

Don't wait a moment;

Come on and give you heart away

Why the hesitation

Gotta' stop procrastinating

You're only wasting time Hesitating

. . .

Stacie Orrico - Hesitation

Misconception of Me

composed 02 Sep 2018. 4:13pm
Finished composing: 7:21pm
Start editing: 7:21pm
Done: 8:01pm
re-edit: 9:08pm

This was supposed to be made on 1st Sep but as always, when composing something in anger, I usually will not post them right away. 
for someone with extreme temper like myself, I know very well that nothing came out good when you do things out of anger.

I composed the original on my phone on 31st Aug.
I might still not post this up yet.

Why not, you might ask?
becoz I'm not sure what I wanted to tell.
the truth?
the glossed-over truth?
the vague truth?

I just hope when I finally decided to post this up, it's not gonna end up a very messy essay. LOL

Anyway,
I try putting my "Misconception" in point form. let's see how things go from there.

but before we continue, a few notes;

NOTE 1: THIS IS A LONG ASS RIDE. So, if you don't feel like reading to the end, LEAVE.

NOTE 2: make your judgement ONLY AFTER YOU READ TILL THE END.

NOTE 3: Vulgar language is used. maybe.

1. I am not rich.

I don't know why this is on top my head when I started the list.
But I feel like this is the biggest Misconception of Me of all.
coz for some reason people thought I have an overflowing supply of cash (Aminn Ya Rabb!)
Anything I have, anything I bought (both planned and impulsively), I earned them.
Yes, I may ended up "broke" becoz of it, but I still earned it.
Like what my sister told me just recently; "Bukan inda mampu, inda mau" I cannot translate that into English at this moment.
There's this famous malay saying; "Di mana ada kemahuan, di situ ada jalan" and another, "Nak hendak seribu daya, tak hendak seribu dalih".
I'm not saying I live by these sayings but I applied this to anything involving money.
So, don't come to me and said, "easy for you to say, ko kaya ah" (Ya Allah, Aminn aku kaya) but no.
Aku mampu untuk benda yang aku mahu sahaja.

2. My temper.

Yes, I know, I have bad temper.
it's becoming a huge 'issue' at work.
it's 'affecting' my work.
◔_◔
one: it doesn't.
two: marah ku bukan tanpa sebab.
and it is especially an issue when I'm quiet.
three: I know I'm ugly when I'm angry, so I prefer to stay quiet.
four: or would you prefer I lash out with angry words?
another issue that came to my attention is that, people thought they cannot point out MY mistake to me. becoz, according to them, I got pissed.
щ(ಠ益ಠщ)
five: when you talk shit behind my back or make snide comments that you thought I did not hear, at those times, were you thinking of my feelings?
six: so, I don't understand why you care if I get angry when you try pointing out my mistake to me.
You once said that pointing out mistake is to teach us. So, teach me. So what if I got pissed?! you don't care about my feelings any other time. so why care how I feel when you tell me I make a mistake? or in malay, takut kan bagitau aku, yang aku buat salah?
seven: you shouldn't be scared. Ko lurus. Aku salah. it's that simple. Fuck my temper if you truly want me to learn and better myself.
Why then, I'm pissed when my mistake is being pointed out to me?
It's the way you pointed them out to me.
Eight: you pointed them out in front of everybody as a lesson.
Nine: When you worried about my anger, you straight up not tell me about my mistake and let others handle it. One reason I heard of why people do this is: Menjaga hati ku. Taking care of my feelings? Really? Doesn't that make me, I don't know, blur? How can I know I make a mistake when I'm not being told I make a mistake? You think I make mistake on purpose, is it?
Mistake is a mistake. It happened and I wouldn't know I make them until someone tell me that I make them.
and here's number ten: and then you made it seems like I'm too sensitive?
eleven: and you have the audacity to call me "defensive" ?
twelve: YOU GUYS STILL WONDER WHY I'M FUCKING ANGRY?!

3. My retaliation

in case you don't what it means:

as mentioned, I prefer to stay 'diam' when I'm mad/pissed/angry.
and I can already hear you readers thinking "lurus bah, cAz ani yg sensitive, inda dapat ketaguran".
True. maybe I am.
but read this next line properly.
Every body has a different way of handling a situation.
My way just happened to be: Marah dalam diam.
Why? because you love to point out my mistake in a meeting.
Wanna know how I feel about that? Humiliated.
and wanna know how I deal with that? Marah dalam diam.

Ok, you may say that it's all in my head, too sensitive to "teguran".
but wouldn't you be?
Other people buat mistake but they are being "console" in private.

Why I'm being "console" in a meeting?

Of course I retaliate. in Silent.
coz I know my silent kills them softly inside. MUAHAHAHAH 

and I'm the bad person for reacting that way to them after what they did to me?

I'm giving back what you have given me and you still say I'm the bad person here?

Really?

4. Self-reflect

with all my anger and retaliation mentioned,
here comes my self-reflect.
I maybe angry becoz of the way you convey your message to me
but
as I let my thoughts run, I always go back to being that "snapped out of it" person and accepted my faults.
this part of this post isn't trying to show or to tell you that I'm good.
but to show you that Anger is not my core. it's not my whole entire being.
Anger is a feeling I have, arises by the situation that I'm in.
(Kindly watch Disney's Inside Out to understand that kind of shit)
anyway,
as I was saying,
After I let my thoughts run its course, I usually let go of my anger (towards people) and accepted that I made the mistake.
because that's the truth, I made a mistake.
by accepting that, I can now focus on improving myself from making that same mistake again
that is all.

5. My conscience.

or should I say My GUILT Conscience.

here's the meaning if you don't know:

Every time I do something bad or did a mean clapback, I always feel guilty about it afterwards.
I would want to apologize and I probably should~
but my ego said, "No, they deserve it. Sampai bila kan diam saja when they suka hati buat cematu? Ingat robot? Ingat nada perasaan? I am human"
and I believe that my ego is right.
Sometimes my guilt will eat my insides for days
but my ego.
my ego.
I refused to apologize when I finally made a clapback to the people who did me wrong for so many times before.
I will stand my ground and say you deserve what you've got.
and again, when this happened, I will be seen as the bad person. but read point no. 3 for another cycle of why I'm giving you back what you asked for.

6. My Ground. or Aku ada pendirian.

This point kinda the very reason that triggers me to make this post.

I found out very recently that I'm being dubbed as a bad influence to a certain human being.

*tarik nafas panjang2 and release. and remain fucking calm for this*

I have two of my mom's advices that I wana share here;
a. "Jangan luan pemarah~ nada urang suka~"
b. "You have a choice"
I should have put advice (a) in point no. 2 LOL!
but advice (b) is on another level; it was not said to me in English, nor was it said to me in Malay in that way.
Story time!
Not really.
When I was young, whenever I did something wrong and at that time was with a cousin or a friend, my mom would head on scolded me and me alone. I don't remember the exact scolding but what I take from it (and to this day) is, "you have a choice". If someone tag you along to do something and you know you shouldn't be doing them, but still do it anyway becoz someone told you to, then, to my mom, you are to blame. 
because 
You have a choice.
End of Story.
sorta.

back to the present.
I was told that I'm a bad influence to someone. 
let's give this someone a name, Joy.

Hmmm..
how should I put this? I can't just put out a story half way. you might agree that I AM a bad influence.
I also can't put out the entire work story coz I will be damned.
but wait, didn't I already do that in point no.2? ┏(＾0＾)┛┗(＾0＾) ┓
hmmmm..
to be honest, at this point, I'm so tired. Mentally tired. coz malas ku kan pikir lagi. but I promised I posted something yesterday and now it's the day after. I need to commit to this. and walk my talk.

Let's not go back too long in the past and let's keep the circle within my unit.
but I've been quite the loner for years.
coz I'm the type yang wouldn't even try and be "friendly" with people yang I know talk shit behind my back.
and for so long too, I have set my mind into keeping the "relationship" strictly business.
coz if I don't keep it strictly business, I will make it personal and no one wants that. 
So, 
Joy used to be a duo but now they fall out.
They used to be the super duo who love to talk shit behind my back.
After the fall out, Joy started hanging out with me and other friends from a another unit after work; like, watch movies and eat out.
and I should mentioned that in at least half of these outing, Joy had been telling me about her struggle; emotionally and mentally. Of course, aku kesian. I've been there too. So, I listened.
I also gave her work advice; "jangan tah ingau apa ya buat atu. Keraja tetap keraja. We still need to communicate with one another. yg penting keraja siap".

but some people see this 'blossoming friendship' differently.

You see, Joy used to be this cheerful person and talkative.
but after the fall out, she kept to herself. 
So instead of seeing her 'professionalism' for not mixing personal emotions with work, she was dubbed as sensitive and defensive, and temper-mental.
Sounds familiar?
She was even told straight out that she was acting like me.
◔_◔
which to me, is basically saying, I'm a bad influence to Joy.
like
╭∩╮（︶︿︶）╭∩╮

a. she's always had a temper. even from the moment she joined us. and you know that.
b. PLEASE TAKE NOTE! SHE KEPT TO HERSELF EVEN BEFORE SHE STARTED TO HANG OUT WITH ME AGAIN!
c. if ia yg terikut-ikutan aku, that's not my problem.

you know why it's not my problem? coz
d. I didn't go out of my way to 'recruit' her
e. make her sensitive, defensive, and temper-mental.
f. She comes to me, ok?
AND
My advice is clear; don't worry about personal things during working hours. Focus on your work. If other people continue to act like crap, then let them. there's only 8 hours of working. it doesn't really matter. it's just a day's work.
If Joy chose to follow my "bad" behavior instead of the good one, that is not my problem.
because she has a choice.

wanna know why this point is titled My Ground?
becoz I know where I stand.
and I will fight for what is right. you can say whatever you want about me but the Truth Will Out.
I know when people don't like me and I'm not gonna go around trying my hardest to convince them to like me.
I don't let other people to manipulate my mind. Cukup tah people manipulate my words. I don't need them to mess with my mind too. 


and my advice to Joy would be to find her own ground and stand firm.

7. I have a life.

I have a life outside of work.
I have a life when I'm not with you.
I have a life.
So don't you ever think that I can't live without you.
Work is work.
Life after work, is life after work.
You wanna continue to make me feel like crap during working hours? Dipersilakan.
Just know, the moment I clock out, I have another life to think about.

8. Victim.

this is a short one.
When people acted shit towards me and I happened to get back at them, they acted like they're the victim.
When in reality, they initiate the attacks and I only retaliate.
I was never a rebel without a cause, ok? Put that inside your head.
If you feel like I'm angry with you or acted mean to you, ask yourself, what have you said and what did you do that make me this way.
Stop playing victims.
If you don't know if you can handle the consequences that comes when you create a situation, don't start.

In conclusion:

I understand most of the things that had happened is because of how I reacted to them.
I could be gracious in handling them too.
but yatah tu..
I'm temper-mental.
and too sensitive.
In my defense, I acted accordingly.

(~￣▽￣)~


this doesn't just apply to work-life situation. it also apply to real life situation. 
Yes, I have two life; Work-life and Real-Life. Work-life isn't real. You put up a front to deal with that place and when you clock out, you're real life begins.

Ok, ok. working is real, of course. it pays the bill. 

but what I meant by that is,
"If you fall in your life, neither your boss nor clients will offer you a helping hand; your family and friends will" - Dr. APJ Abdul Kalam.
or in my words, anything happened outside of work, neither your boss nor colleagues care; my family and friends saja yang care.

. . . .

Thank you so much if you come this far. I told you its a long ass ride.
I really appreciate your time.
Just don't judge me too harshly after this. (∪ ◡ ∪)
There's always two sides of the story and this is mine.

. . .

Rose-colored boi

found via Google

by Noxmoony on DeviantArt

Rose-colored boy

I hear you making all that noise

About the world you want to see

And oh, I'm so annoyed

'Cause I just killed off what was left of the optimist in me

I'm right at the end of my rope

A half-empty girl

Don't make me laugh, I'll choke

Just let me cry a little bit longer

I ain't gon' smile if I don't want to

Hey man, we all can't be like you

I wish we were all rose-colored too

I want you to stop insisting that I'm not a lost cause

'Cause I've been through a lot

Really all I've got is just to stay pissed off

Leave me here a little bit longer

I think I wanna stay in the car

I don't want anybody seeing me cry now

You say "We gotta look on the bright side"

I say "Well maybe if you wanna go blind"

You say my eyes are getting too dark now

But boy, you ain't ever seen my mind

Just let me cry a little bit longer

I ain't gon' smile if I don't want to

Hey, man, we all can't be like you

I wish we were all rose-colored too

. . .

Positivity VS Negitivity

Third Day of Raya.

I have never been so care-free.

I guess I aged well. LOL Not really

Raya used to be such a stressful ordeal but this year, I barely cared.

I'm that pressured to the point that I don't want to care.

It's not because of work. 

Becoz as stressful as work gets, at the end of the day, it's what happened when you go home.

the environment at home is the most integral part of your being. 

I'm the type that shuts office off the moment I walked out of the office. Yes, I may talk about it or the people in it when I meet my freinds but non of that conversation ever been about the work itself. 

When you come home to a house full of negative vibes, that actually put more harm to your health than work could ever did.

If you can't be positive at home after a full day of negativity, then what are you going to be?

yeah yeah

It's all come down to how you react to things.

but everybody has their limits.

There is only so much patient in ones body.

 . . .

From Now On

SHINee, The Best From Now On album.

released date: 18th April 2018.

Songs in this album consist of all their releases in Japan for the past 7 years.

final track on it is what everyone wanted to hear most (I think), coz Jonghyun's voice is included. 

sigh.

anyway,
have a listen. it's called From Now On



as always, when its a Japanese release, its hard to find original audio on youtube -,- So, the above is, I believe, an audio taken during one of their dome tours. 

I finally understand why this song was so emotional when they sang it back at their dome tours in Japan last February.

I finally really 'feel'.

Let's read the translation now:


If I hadn’t met you yet
What would I have been doing now?
Not even knowing the meaning of love
Where would I have strayed?
No words to describe
My surging emotions
But you, we understand each other
Always have, always will

I offer you all my love
And endless gratitude
I swear on the stars that fall from your eyes
I’ll be with you forever
I’ll be with you
I’ll be with you

Following an endless dream
Never stoping, I took the first step
Beliving only in your smile
Before I knew it, I found myself in this place

A view unattainable on my own (Watch it pass me by)
Things I can’t grasp (Won’t let go)
Together with you, I can find it (I promise you)
Let’s go on searching for it forever

I offer you all my love
And endless gratitude
I swear on the stars that fall from your eyes
I’ll be with you forever
I’ll be with you
I’ll be with you

I’ll never forget this day with you
No matter what the future holds
It’s this love that makes me
Even stronger

I offer you all my love
And endless gratitude
I swear on the stars that fall from your eyes
I’ll be with you forever
I’ll be with you
I’ll be with you
Forever

#gaddammit

why am I doing this to myself tonight?



. . .

a/n: I'm not being superstitious but I don't like the idea behind 'the best' album or yg sewaktu dengan nya for example Westlife's The Greatest Album. 
I just don't trust the idea behind it.