Penny Thoughts

composed/edited last: 15th Apr
updated 20 Dec 6:32pm
ready to post 20 Dec 7:40pm

This draft was titled Internet and after reading and retyping everything, 
I'm just gonna title it Penny Thoughts (coz Penny For Your Thoughts)


I didn't know how to internet until I was 15.
But only becoz I don't have a complete excess to it.
I couldn't even 'search' for Westlife with whatever search engine there was back then.

I don't know where I'm going with this but bear with me, yeah?


I don't how I started, but whenever anything happened, I would recall back everything that I did before that particular happening.

For example, when bad things happened, I would go back and think of the things I did that wasn't particularly right or nice.

come to think of it, I only ever wonder of the bad things, never the good things.

Sometime I remember old memories in details and I don't like it.
It's funny how I remember them like that but can't remember the important stuff for school/work to safe my life. ๏̯͡๏

I think the reason why I remember the embarrassing part of my life the most is because God is telling me stop being so judgmental coz I'm worse. LOL

Stopped judging people who are less fortunate, like not knowing certain things, becoz you didn't know better back then too.

I think the reason why I was hard on some people is becoz their behavior now reminded me of myself back then and I don't want them to end up doing embarrassing things like I did. (◡‿◡✿)

I want people to be better than me

or, to put it simply

i hate seeing myself in other people, it's not really a pleasant thing to experience.

that is why I want you to be better than I was. than I am.

You gotta.


I was once told, me feeling bad for myself is all in my head and that no one could help me with that.

I don't think I'm even mildly a depress person but that is not something you should say to anyone. If you can't offer a word of comfort, the least you could do is to just nod and make a sympathetic expression.

what if I'm a real depress individual? what if I have suicidal tendency?



Where am I going with this? ◐.̃◐

Right

hahahaha


I'm not going anywhere with this coz I'm only trying to write down my thoughts.

😂😂

I told someone that 2 years prior (me telling her that story), I was depressed. I didn't realize that I was until it passed. When I was telling her that, I only meant how that work environment made me depressed. you know, sharing stories and shiz.
2 years later, you wanna know what I found out ? 
This person told someone else, "She's not depressed. Just seeking for attention"

and I was like, ◔̯◔ "Wow. Thanks".

I think I've talked about depression WAYYYYYYYYY before Dec 2017.

Just becoz I finally more open about it now, doesn't mean I'm going mainstream, ok?

Even if it's now mainstream, that doesn't mean it's any less real to the real sufferer.

Sigh.

I think, with everything that's been going on, it's coming back.

I'm scared that I'm losing it.

Which is why I'm trying to busy myself with so many things.

It's driving me nuts.


For months now, my head has been railing with so many thoughts. 

I mean it always has been but now it's overwhelming.

I feel myself feeling overwhelm by it.


the FAQs include;

Why I feel stagnant?

Why everything I do doesn't seem to be right?

Why is everyone so annoying?

Why can't I stand up?

Why am I not getting any better?


They say I will get over this, there'll be a better day, grass is just as green on this side, time heals all wounds, this too will passed.


But all I want is for it to pass now.

. . .

my Baby Blue

Hello

another SHINee post

but especially today, it will be about our beloved leader, Onew.

First mini album dropped on 5th Dec 2018.

Seven songs:

1 Blue

2 거리마다 (Your Scent)

3 동네 (Under The Starlight)

4 어떤 사이 (Sign)

6 온유하게 해요 (Shine On You)

5 사랑이었을까 (Illusion)

7 또각또각 (Timepiece)

Two written by Lee Jinki:

온유하게 해요 (Shine On You)

사랑이었을까 (Illusion)

One pun: 

온유하게 해요

LOL

Gotta love this smart ass babe.

apakan?

😂😂😂

Now let's enjoy his MV of his titled song, Blue.

I kinda expected him to sing this kind of song.

At first, i was like, "eh?" and then as I continue listening on, I kinda, chuckled? 😂
coz the style of the song reminds me of an old Malay song whose titled I don't know the name of 😄
내 스타일 아니야
🙊

the rest of the songs in the album are in his normal ballad style voice, so, major2 love for them all. 

Especially Shine On You 😏



the puns, people. the puns!

but as funny as the title goes, I actually cried at the end of the song. 
the final verse of the song;

Some believe this song Onew wrote for Jonghyun.

Sun is Onew, Moon is Jonghyun.

Onew said I love you and I cried back, "I love you too"
My emotional feeling was so riddikulus last night. Like, when I finally stopped crying, I wondered what was so sad for me to cry like that. LOL.

Actually, I know why.

I'll explain in another post (if I rajin wawawa)

I found a post explaining the meaning of the MV. Kinda far fetch, kinda not.

have a read;
(click to enlarge please)

You know what? No matter how much I want this to be a happy album, it really is not.

Onew is leaving (me) for the army. 
Even though I did read somewhere that he will share some audio updates whilst in the army, I don't think it will change the fact that this album is a goodbye.

His latest post is this;

yeah right

When I clicked the See Translation under his original post, it says, "Please be good in the future! :) thank you so much everyone" and it got me upset. 
it feels like that scene I once wrote in my story, "I just got you, and now you're leaving?" *cry me a river*

Currently listening to  어떤 사이 (Sign)



This one has a festive vibe to it. He really prepared us well, huh? *hmpf* 
for real tho, I like this song. like, I picture us dancing to this. kekeke
(this song better not be a sad song! No, malas ku cari translation 😅)


Can't you tell who my SHINee bias is?

LOL!


Here, let me share you the album;



Have a listen and tell me I'm not being bias. :P

It's a good album. You'll fall in love too.

. . .


A/N: *me in the middle of composing this post* I never learn. I should have just screenshot everything when I see it. You know, for blog post purposes. but nooooooooooo. I always thought I will find it when I need it when in reality, YOU WILL NOT FIND IT WHEN YOU NEED IT!

Extras:

Remember these?

here's a new version:

Next:

we already know he the Sold Out king

WellDone boys! 🎉🎉🎉🎉

caption FTW!! 💪💪

now: a proof.

remember how I was looking for it but didn't find it?

Today, I'm not looking for it

and

what do you know,

it appears!

Onew's imagined Song List for his solo.

(who ever edit this ish, come see me, I just wanna talk LOL)

EXTRAS

Hi

have to make another SHINee post coz the previous one got kinda long.

😂😂

When Onew's Voice was announced, I was like, "Unacceptable!" but as soon as I saw this explanation, I was, "Ok I accept" as fast as I denied it in the beginning.

if Ace and Face already used, what's Minho's first solo gonna be called?

I saw one brilliant suggestion on IG; Choice. as in 'CHOI'. hahaha

Mr. Choi Minho, make this happen.

for yourself first, please

SHINee is an honest group.

LOL

Jonghyun hesistated at first but admitted too.

I haven't got Key's album.

but I saw thumbnails of people doing unboxing of Key's Face and to this day, no one posted anything similar to this.

I just wish they continue with the logo too.

I know there's a 2nd album from Shawol but I'm not gonna go and search for it.

it will take another 3 hours!

anyway,

that is all for this post. 

wawawa

Plagiarization is really something in SHINee World.

. . .

Book Read Updates

Started draft on: 16 August 2018


I read at least four books in two months;


Ransom Riggs' Miss Peregrine's Peculiar Children book 2 and 3;

Hollow City (book 2), Library of Souls (book 3)

finished reading: 7th Jul 2018, 18th Jul 2018

I was pleasantly surprised when i continued Rigg's book 2. I read one third

of the book last year but stopped becoz I find it dull. When i continued last month, I was surprised how entertaining the book actually is which led me into reading the third book too. Pleasantly surprised again and the book is a good book with twisted intrigues. 
I'm so glad I decided on picking up the books after the Miss Peregrines's Home for Peculiar Children movie came out.
Believe me when I said, the book is always better than the movies.
hashtag pick a book up.


Rainbow Rowell's Attachment and Landline

finished: 13th Aug 2018

finished: 15th Aug 2018

I don't know about other Rowell's reader but there's a hook here! Like, it doesn't take me long to finish any of her book. 💗💗💗💗
it's crazy. 
coz if you remember me telling you, when I'm hooked to a book, I forgot to eat and sleep. Not healthy. Don't do this at home, kids.

Rowell's always bringing tears to my eyes. but only becoz I was emotionally attached to the story on so many levels. I especially cried towards the end of Landline.



Re-edit: 28 Nov 2018 5:27pm

I think a few more. I'll have to update photos later.
I finally thought of changing my WaterMarks; from Clover Leaf to Sakura Flower.
coz I'm obsess about going back to Japan. 😂😂😂



Re-edit: 02 Dec 2018 12:52pm

I read 5 books in two months!

After I read Riggs book 2 and 3, I continue on reading the companion book; Tales of the Peculiar.

finished: 23rd Jul 2018

also, it was Daniel Radcliffe birthday 🎉🎉🎉

I made an audio on one of the chapter from this book.
Maybe I try and post them via youtube? if that's allowed. 🤔


The 6th book I read after all the above is the classic Pride and Prejudice by Jane Austen.

finished:24th Nov 2018.

 in two days. it's that simple. 😂

I read this while I was doing my laundry. 
Why I bought it? becoz I was curious why it was such a beloved tale.
After reading it? It was ok. 
In my teenage years, I would swoon like crazy over it..now, noh. Life's too real to be fallin all over book characters. BAHAHAHA hashtag bitter.

I always feels good once I finished a book.
feels like I've accomplished something.

I always said this every year; I need to finish all my unread books before the year end.

but

look

at

this

two towers of unread books

you might notice how some of the books here are from way back when. Like, I don't know why I keep putting off from picking them up to read. 🤷

oh I should mention!

Just as I was feeling accomplish for finally finishing all the Peculiar books,
I bumped into this at Best Eastern

Ransom Riggs A Map of Days

laik... 

I told myself, after Pretty Little Liars, I am not gonna follow any other book series.

So

Why?

Now I have a new series to follow, I guess.

What just happened?

but on second thoughts, I think it's ok. I remember being super lost at Library of Souls' ending. I guess, here's my answer to all the questions I had.

Ok.


Right, that is all for this post. 

Next post will be a break down of all the unread books. 

and possibly my first ever gift away post.

we'll see 😉

. . . 

Bonus:

I started jotting down dates slash times of when I started and finished reading a book.

Landline. 

look how I supposed to stop at chap 18 but continued until chap 24.

a real life meme; JustOneMoreChapter

😂😂😂

Library of Souls.

took longer coz most of the time I only read during lunch time at work.

I did it becoz in the beginning I felt the need to prove to people how it's possible to finish a book in short amount of time but after that, I only did it for myself. and ended up like doing it. like, a competition with myself. hashtag how fast can i finish this book 
LOL don't ask.

as I was saying, initially it was to prove to other people of what I can do but soon after, it was to prove to myself that I can do it. I am capable of this.

Lesson of the day: People will believe what they want to believe despite you trying to prove yourself to them. 

. . .

Flying Money 💸

SO

I actually forgot to try and make a post about this.

Hmm

Maybe becoz I just don't want to talk about how much money I spent in pre-ordering kpop items.

LOL

Let's break this ish down;

1. Key!

He is finally doing his solo. Like, a real solo. I know he did the ToHeart thing but to me, that doesn't count as a solo, since he did it with Infinite's Woohyun (on wiki, Toheart is dubbed 'sub unit'. I don't think thats appropriate since sub-unit usually meant for a unit that is form within a unit and SHINee and Infinite is not from the same unit, is it?)
anyhoo
Key is finally doing a solo!
his first single is called, Forever Yours featuring Soyou.



I love this song at the first listen. 

and then he dropped his album, called, FACE,  on 26th November.

I haven't properly listen to this album yet but managed to I listen to Easy to Love in full, and i like the English lyric.





2. ONEW! 

argh. his news are the most devastating.
first, SM announced his enlistment date, 10th Dec.
AND THEN!
THE SECOND NEWS! he's dropping his first solo album, on the 5th Dec. 

like 😒😒 I hope SHINee make SM rich this final two months of 2018.

Onew's album is called VOICE. titled song will be called Blue.

Kononnya, this album is a gift to Shawol/MVP for our undying love and support for him. 
basically, something for us to hold on to while he in the army. or something like that.

SO EXCITED FOR THIS!!

not that he never sang solo before, but previously he sang for OSTs, and for SMStation releases, he sang two duets. So, I don't know, doesn't quite counts.

🤷🏻🤷🏻



3. SHINee Japan!

YES! IT'S NOT DONE YET! titled is not a joke. 💸💸💸💸

SHINee World J presents! a DVD for the special Fan Event they had at Tokyo Dome for SHINee's (i think) 7th anniversary since debut in Japan.

Thus, including the Season Greetings, 
I have 4 kpop items to look forward to this month and in Jan 2019.

as excited as I am, I do have this thought at the back of my mind, that, these releases, are meant to be a distraction for us.

becoz

December.

I can't believe we made it thru the year.

I don't know how I should feel about it.

I keep forgetting anyway, and I kinda prefer it that way.

*shrug shrug shrug*

ok, ok.

let's not go there.

let's enjoy these lovely gifts, shall we?

My wallet does not appreciate my decision this month 😂😂

. . .

Bonus items:

Remember that time when Jonghyun plaglarize Taemin's ACE?

Ever since then, Shawol been speculating other member's solo releases.

this one win. Onew Chicken. LOL!!

*break-time* took me forever to search all the fan made album covers of the other members. Andangnya~~ bila di cari, nada. bila inda di cari karang~~ ada ya tu palak2 dapan mata. I wana say "thanks IG's saved button" but no. you miscalculated how much I saved PER DAY!

*in that spongebob french accent* 2 hours later~

I FINALLY FOUND IT~!
found them like from January 2018 post. like...thanks..
of course, within the two hours, I go toilet, eat snacks, etc.

I realized this Bonus section is getting longer too.

Fan made album covers:
obviously these are the newer version. there were other versions before.

Shawol lived for this shiz! HAHAHAHA

but of course,

reality is different.

hahahahah

I know I saw somewhere a new fan made album cover for Minho's but I am NOT gonna go thru another hour searching for it. like, no.




. . .