Too Soon

there are two things that I find too soon for me;

1. to read Five Days Left by Julie Lawson Timmer

2. to watch Along with the Gods : The Two Worlds

the book was too raw for me coz I tried to baca on early Jan. but by the beginning of chapter 3, I can not take it and stopped.
the story was about a woman sick with cancer and planned to take her own life at her own term. Instead of waiting for the cancer to claim her life, she decided to take her own life before the cancer did.
the part yg made me felt a lump in my throat was when she set the date of when she's going to take her life.
I feel like Jonghyun was like that too. He already set a date. there was excert from an interview where he said he wanted to rest in Dec/2017 no matter what. I just thought, as I read that book first chapter, "he planned it"
there was that security guard punya witness account about what Jonghyun was doing in the last moment at the apartment he rented; he was driving fast and making lots of noise with his car. a fan said he was contemplating. He must've had second thoughts. sigh
every time I thought if this, there are lots of "if only"

The Two Worlds was a lot tougher to handle but I get thru it. (Pasal liat diwayang. nothing else I can do but watch sampai habis LOL)
this one lagi dashyat. my heart skipped a bit part the funeral scene.
as we know, I have read a lot of article during/after Jonghyun's funeral.
Part yg aku feel was when the movie's main character's mother sat in front of her son potrait and then there was an annoucement about putting the body into the casket.
during Jonghyun's, a post said his was done privately in the presence of  his loved ones.
So, from reading to watching and hearing an enactment of that scene is hard.
I shed a tear towards the end of the movie. bukan nangis berabis. just shed a tear. LOLbut really ut was mostly becoz I was so emerse in that movie. argh! no wonder it become 2nd highest grossing Korean movie. thumbs up

I finally understand when people posted warnings before continue reading a post.

I felt a lump in my throat and my hear skipped a beat from the above. I'm sure others might be a lot more emotional and will be triggered easily.

Some still need to time to heal

I don't know if I am healed or apa, but like i once said, you can never get over a death of your love ones, you just learn to cope and move on.

. . .

Composed on: 15th Feb 2018
Edited on: 14th Mar 2018

1. finished reading Five Days Left (read most of the book on 3rd and 4th Mar, and finished the rest on 9th Mar) and boy that was tough! I kept catching my breath at some parts. I kept wondering if that was what went thru Jonghyun's head. Like, he kept having second thoughts but certain things happened and his decision became more resolute.
2. Life goes on.

Poor f(x)

After 3 weeks, they have stopped promoting their 3rd Album, Red Light.
read below for more details on that matter.

udah tah cHenry punya comeback kana buat a week after f(x)'s. and then this happened.

Poor poor f(x).

Ever since I watched SM's movie, I AM and f(x)'s Gangsta Boy dance practice video, I've been having thoughts on how Sulli isn't feeling 'it' ('it' = being an artist, and everything that came with that title).

and if you read the reaction below regarding the above situation, you'd see that I am not the only one yg thought so.

But of course, these are just my thoughts. Everyone is entitled to voice out their opinion.

I only ever like Luna and Amber in that group to begin with but I still like f(x) as a whole. From my non-professional  point of view, each of them are very talented individual. So, it's sad to see/read this kind of news about them. Especially when my mind is clouded with the bias-ness of SM making a Solo concert for EXO despite f(x) being EXO's senior. As far as I know, f(x) been working just as hard. 

and seeing a group of 5 became 4, made me a little sensitive. 
Remember Westlife? 
I know f(x) is not missing a member but this may lead to that, who knows, right?
it's very upsetting.

I saw (and liked) a post on IG that says, "Some illuminati shit is going on at the sm building".

As much as I want to hate SM like everybody else do, I just, don't know anymore. I mean,  I don't know about KangTa and Zhang LiYin but
BoA is doing fine, is she not? Just recently she releases a Japanese new single.
SHINee just finished their series of their 3rd solo concerts.
Super Junior is having a comeback soon (Ultimate Leader Leeteuk is BACK!!)
SNSD just celebrated their 7th anniversary.
and despite the Kris issue, EXO is 'meletop' with their the Lost Planet concert.

Who knows what's really going on within f(x). they have more individual activities than they do as a group; Victoria spent so much time in China for school and dramas, Krystal busy with her 'solo' magazine spread and currently doing a TV show with big Sister Jessica, Amber doing Show Champion and A Song for You MC-ing, and I don't really know what's Luna and Sulli are doing most of the time. Luna probably still MC-ing for the Korea MTV the Show, I'm not sure.

So you see, we don't really know (EVER) what's going on within that group.

All I can do now is wish that they'll light some truth so we could stop speculating and assuming things.

What hurt the most, after all of the above, SM is debuting a new 4-membered girl group called Red Velvet, soon. hmm.. 


a/n: I know. I made a very long post on this 'issue' and I'm a Shawol. LOL.

. . .