Too Soon

there are two things that I find too soon for me;

1. to read Five Days Left by Julie Lawson Timmer

2. to watch Along with the Gods : The Two Worlds

the book was too raw for me coz I tried to baca on early Jan. but by the beginning of chapter 3, I can not take it and stopped.
the story was about a woman sick with cancer and planned to take her own life at her own term. Instead of waiting for the cancer to claim her life, she decided to take her own life before the cancer did.
the part yg made me felt a lump in my throat was when she set the date of when she's going to take her life.
I feel like Jonghyun was like that too. He already set a date. there was excert from an interview where he said he wanted to rest in Dec/2017 no matter what. I just thought, as I read that book first chapter, "he planned it"
there was that security guard punya witness account about what Jonghyun was doing in the last moment at the apartment he rented; he was driving fast and making lots of noise with his car. a fan said he was contemplating. He must've had second thoughts. sigh
every time I thought if this, there are lots of "if only"

The Two Worlds was a lot tougher to handle but I get thru it. (Pasal liat diwayang. nothing else I can do but watch sampai habis LOL)
this one lagi dashyat. my heart skipped a bit part the funeral scene.
as we know, I have read a lot of article during/after Jonghyun's funeral.
Part yg aku feel was when the movie's main character's mother sat in front of her son potrait and then there was an annoucement about putting the body into the casket.
during Jonghyun's, a post said his was done privately in the presence of  his loved ones.
So, from reading to watching and hearing an enactment of that scene is hard.
I shed a tear towards the end of the movie. bukan nangis berabis. just shed a tear. LOLbut really ut was mostly becoz I was so emerse in that movie. argh! no wonder it become 2nd highest grossing Korean movie. thumbs up

I finally understand when people posted warnings before continue reading a post.

I felt a lump in my throat and my hear skipped a beat from the above. I'm sure others might be a lot more emotional and will be triggered easily.

Some still need to time to heal

I don't know if I am healed or apa, but like i once said, you can never get over a death of your love ones, you just learn to cope and move on.

. . .

Composed on: 15th Feb 2018
Edited on: 14th Mar 2018

1. finished reading Five Days Left (read most of the book on 3rd and 4th Mar, and finished the rest on 9th Mar) and boy that was tough! I kept catching my breath at some parts. I kept wondering if that was what went thru Jonghyun's head. Like, he kept having second thoughts but certain things happened and his decision became more resolute.
2. Life goes on.