Updates!!

Hi guys,

Yes, I have been gone! 
I don't know if I am back coz I said that last time and I went back to being gone.
So.. 🤷

Life updates!
Obviously I'm still very active in real life (or I wouldn't be doing this post now 😜)



First update!
I turned 32 on 10th Sep. 

and I got myself a new car. 

"Wahhh so fancy~" I can already here you guys.
No. 
One, it's a loan. Two, I have a project for buying a new car (i'll update on this nanti 😉). and
Three, buying a new car is actually a long-time-coming thing. I wanted to 'buy' one back in July 2019 but becoz purchasing a car is a long time commitment (in Brunei, as far as I know, it's a loan for 7 years), I have to give a thorough consideration; will I be able to commit myself to it? how will my budget be once I have it? is it sustainable? that kind of considerations.
Some smart-ass will be thinking, "tapi ko single, apa yang kan ko ingau kn?" (but you're single, what are you worrying for?) Well, to that, I say, SHOVE IT UP YOUR ASS!



which bring us to the next update; my thoughts on being Single and Worry-less.

For a long time, I've been hearing this "You're still single, no commitment" or "wait until you have family, lagi banyak kan dipikirkan" or "eh single, tapi stress"
💆
Ya Allah, give me the patience to remain classy in responding to this ricecooker!

For the longest time as well, I succumbed to feeling that yes, they were right. I'm single. I shouldn't be like this or I shouldn't feel like this. I should be carefree.
until..I come to my senses and brace!
Every one of us, every EACH of us live differently. I have the rights to worry just as much as the next person!
Sapa cakap aku single aku inda buleh stress?! who said that? who set that standard?!
My stress, my worry, or even my my-head-is-so-full-i-can't-brain-anymore, has nothing to do with me being single.
I don't understand how other people associate stress/worry/deep-thoughts with marital status.
THE FUCK WITH THAT SHIT!
Yes, aku single. but do you know, and I am speaking from my own experience here, that I have more commitment and responsibilities than that of a married couple?

Here's a chart to explain:

Ok, right. this chart only talk about MONEY and we all know money is not everything (everything else needs money tho 🤔)
BUT
trust me, when you don't have much, it becomes a struggle. AND I'm not saying I don't have enough. I have enough, ya Allah, alhamdulillah. 
BUT again.
My stress was never solely becoz how much money I don't have.
hmm how can I explain this better?
I'm not by any means "struggling" but imagine, you just have enough to get by and add that up with your environment; at home, at work, or even school! add those stress up, just try and add them up, and tell me ko inda stress? 😕
Sedangkan, from where I sit, listening to your worry about money WHEN I KNOW you have so much more than me, just add work-load, sudah tah ko jadi a banshee.
So, please, imagine, aku single ani, managing home and personal finance on my own, dengan workplace yg very testing, ko rasa, aku will remain, stress-free? I don't have the emotional range of a teaspoon like Ron.

WHO SET THE STANDARD THAT EMOTIONS ARE ASSOCIATED TO YOUR MARITAL STATUS?!

On the contrary, pasal aku single ani tah membuatkan aku kana bagi so much responsibilities. becoz people thought I have NO commitment and they forgotten they have already given me so much before they add up a new one. like, hello? I'm drowning here.

Someone just said to me, "in other words, your the breadwinner" and only then I realized, "yeah, I am the breadwinner" becoz, portions of my money goes to the house and other expenses while other people's money goes to themselves. Like, damn.

Anyway, whatever, sis redha. sis moving on now.

Onward! to the final updates for this post; Depression.

We (when I said we, I meant the kpop world) were shocked once again with the news of dead by suicide.
Sulli, ex-member of f(x), artist under SM, died on 14th Oct by suicide and it was strongly due to the non-stop malicious comment towards her. 
For once, I was numb. becoz she was my least fav in f(x) and I had one post being so mean about her, and I was very upset with that but I can't erase what I have done and for that action, I am sorry, Sulli.
Even though I mentioned in this blog many times before that we will never know what's really going on within that company and what's really going on among themselves, I should have kept my frustration to myself or in my personal diary where only my eyes can see. I should have kept that comment offline. I am truly and deeply sorry, Sulli. my opinions are not your responsibility.
You don't deserve the hate. 
Yes, I only posted one heat post on her but that could be the one heat comment that triggers her. 
I feel responsible.

Currently, in the kpop world, they are petitioning the Sulli Act, an act to punish malicious comment towards celebrities, which they are tying to push for their something election in December 2019. I pray the bill will pass.
People were quick to mention our Jonghyun during this sad times but I am fine. 
After a few minutes updating myself with the news, I decided for myself that, it was better for me to not read so much into it anymore becoz, reading blames upon blames towards SM, towards her EX, towards the anti, won't bring her back. Damage is done. Only thing to do now, is to be a better person from now onward.

Depression is still a taboo topic in this part of the world. 
I have my fair share on that. which I decide from now onward, to never disclose to anyone anymore.
Nobody really care.

So, what do we learn from this post?

1. turning 32 doesn't stop you from starting over with your life.
2. Single people has worries. You, non-single, family person, have worries but at least you have your spouse to share them with. And if you FREAKIN rich heir, you don't have the rights WHATSOEVER to tell me I can't worry about shit. Go sit down, Gemma.
3. Mean comments are mean no matter how well you can justify it. I'm gonna try and not do that anymore. 
4. it's not hard to be kind.
5. I am a strong person.
6. Japan trip 2020 will be my motivation to stay sane. ...LOL!

Ok,

bye.

. . .